


We Grow Apart, Up, Together and Again

by Kivan



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Adulting, Break Up, F/M, Growing Up, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Post-Break Up, Roommates, Sexual Themes, Slow Burn, mentions of mental health issues, tight pants and shiny watches
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-02-25 15:20:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 63,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22298107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kivan/pseuds/Kivan
Summary: “Is this growing up,” he asks next, verbalizing his thoughts from the last week, “Learning who you are and how things that are supposed to make sense, don’t always keep making sense.”Bee nods, just a bit. “Sometimes.”While in Med School, Aaron and Katelyn break up and Aaron has to learn how to grow beyond that. When Kevin trades to Chicago, Aaron needs a roommate.
Relationships: Kevin Day/Aaron Minyard, Matt Boyd/Danielle "Dan" Wilds, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, PastKatelyn/Aaron Minyard
Comments: 132
Kudos: 340





	1. We Grow Apart

1.

Aaron is four months into his second semester in Chicago when things finally give.

Maybe it’s finals week and they’re both stressed, but when she asks _again_ , and gives him this _look_ , Aaron loses it.

It’s the worst fight they’ve had. Or will have, Aaron assumes when Katelyn asks him to sleep on the couch in a steady voice. She’s crying, thick tear tracks down her cheeks, but her lip doesn’t sway, her hands don’t fist and her feet, when she stands, carry her into the bedroom of their small one-bedroom apartment.

Aaron, for some unknown reason, calls Andrew.

After a week on the couch, he makes it through finals. Katelyn still has one last one, on that Friday morning. At the beginning of the semester they’d shared bad jokes about it, and planned a vacation starting at 2pm. God, they had been happy.

Friday at 10am Aaron takes a bag and boards a flight to Boston. When he lands just before 1pm and makes it to the downtown loft, Neil opens the door with a quick tip of a smile. Aaron drops his bag on the floor next to the couch, where there are already a pile of blankets and a new-looking pillow. He deflates into the couch and stares at the ceiling.

Neil peers at him across the open layout of the medium sized brownstone and takes a long sip from his mug. “Do you want to talk,” he asks and Aaron immediately huffs.

 _‘Do you want to talk to me,’_ Neil means.

Aaron isn’t sure.

He isn’t sure he wants to talk to Neil, regardless that he would call them friends now. _Loosely_ , but not under duress necessarily. College had been a learning experience, for all of them, nearly as much as summers in Columbia. Aaron had been living with Neil for nearly three years, as much as he’d been living with his brother or cousin.

“Not yet,” Aaron decides, and Neil hums a quick acceptance.

“Are you hungry,” he asks instead, “I was going to make some lunch soon.”

“That sounds good,” Aaron says.

With the background noise of Neil rummaging around in the familiar kitchen Aaron runs through their fight again, for the millionth time. His eyes sting and his chest feels tight and he can’t decide if he’d made the right arguments, said the right words. Because it felt wrong. Not being with Katelyn for the rest of his life, felt fundamentally wrong.

 _Is this what growing up feels like_ , Aaron finds himself wondering, making good choices that still like the bad guy.

Andrew gets back as Neil is finishing up lunch and Aaron realizes this was probably a conscious choice when he sees the three plates on the counter. Andrew merely spares him a nod before ducking into the bedroom and returning without his duffle and hoodie. He sits down on the chair next to Aaron and without a ‘hello’ powers on his laptop that had been sitting on the coffee table. Aaron only wonders what he’s doing for a moment before Skype starts ringing and Andrew pivots the laptop to face Aaron.

_Calling Bee…_

Aaron meets Andrew’s flat expression with his own.

“Not sure this is going to help,” Aaron tells him, as the computer rings.

“More than explaining it to me will,” Andrew tells him in return without a hint of a smile.

Aaron hadn’t explained the fight. He just told Andrew they were splitting up, and probably not getting back together. Andrew had emailed him a plane ticket for the day after his finals and told him Neil would be available to let him in should he arrive before morning practice ended.

Spiteful twenty-year-old Aaron speaks up from the back of his mind, wondering when Andrew was the better adjusted twin- with a durable long-term relationship, grossly overpaying job and lunch being laid out on the island a few feet away. Presently twenty-four-year-old Aaron looks down at the laptop as Bee smiles through the screen at him from her office in South Carolina.

“Hello Aaron,” she greets.

Aaron sighs.

Andrew stands and moves into the kitchen to procure his lunch, hopping up onto the counter next to Neil, like real not-adults to eat their lunch, even though there are four perfectly good stools to one side of the island counter.

“Hi, Bee.”

“Andrew mentioned you were wanting to talk,” she tells him coaxingly.

Aaron huffs, “I meant to him, no offense.”

Bee smiles, “I think that’s the best things I’ve heard yet.”

“You will probably be more help though,” he says, his hand carding through his hair. It was getting long. Katelyn had said he was needing a haircut after finals, or before they’re vacation. Aaron feels his face shutter and Bee smiles tighter across the screen.

“Would you tell me what happened?” she asks, presses, sounding more concerned that Aaron can resist.

Aaron feels the lump in his throat. “Before graduation, we had that fight,” he begins, “It was kind of like that.”

Bee nods, probably remembering. Aaron had talked to her about it shortly after they had resolved it.

“Back then it didn’t seem as pressing. No one decides to get married and have kids and a mortgage while applying for medical school,” he tries to talk but also feels his face shutter more. “Except, apparently, Katelyn.”

Bee’s silence doesn’t last, but like he can remember it’s comforting and open. For a moment Aaron feels like he’s in her office on campus in South Carolina again. He feels his shoulders relax as she waits. She’ll keep waiting if that’s what he needs.

Aaron sighs. “She wants a family,” he whispers to the computer, “Kids. What her parents have.”

Katelyn’s parents live in Norfolk. He father is a doctor, her mother a physical therapist. They only had one child, but they made sure she never wanted for anything. They created a wonderful, powerful force of nature in Aaron’s life. And honestly, Aaron is pretty sure he would love to have their life. Would jump at the chance to follow in their footsteps.

But.

But this was Aaron’s life. And before med school it didn’t feel like he’d made one choice for himself, freely. College was Andrew’s choice and Andrew’s persuasions. Anything before that was Tilda, and he had worked through enough of his childhood to understand that though she was his mother, she hadn’t been a great mother. Even dating Katelyn came with all the strings of his history with Andrew and ties of their fucked up promises and-

Aaron just wanted some time to be himself, for himself.

Loving Katelyn was his choice. Med school was his choice. Moving in with Katelyn was his choice. Why, in all his life, was he only allowed these three giant choices?

So, “I don’t know if I want that,” he tells Bee now.

And Bee smiles, just a bit sadly.

“Is this growing up,” he asks next, verbalizing his thoughts from the last week, “Learning who you are and how things that are supposed to make sense, don’t always keep making sense.”

Bee nods, just a bit. “Sometimes.”

“Like,” Aaron continues, suddenly needing it out there and for someone to validate this, “I didn’t say _no_. I said _not yet_. And she said that wouldn’t work for her.” Bee is still smiling but her eyes look glassy across the internet connection. “How is not wanting to plan a wedding while in the first year of med school not _logical_ , when we have the rest of our lives?” He stops suddenly, “I mean, I thought _we had the rest of our lives_.” He feels suddenly like crying. “Why does it have to be _now_?”

Bee latches onto that question, blinking and grinning a bit more openly, “That is a good point. Did you speak about this at all?”

Aaron shakes his head.

“Your feelings are valid, Aaron,” Bee goes on, “And sometimes this is growing up and growing together, or apart even. I am very glad that you seem to understand what it is you want from your relationship and are comfortable enough with your own feelings to verbalize them.”

Aaron doesn’t want to tell her that this is the first time he’s verbalizing them. Sitting miles and days away from when the fight happened, with Andrew and Neil feet away, quietly pretending to not listen.

“I don’t know Katelyn that well,” Bee continues, “But I may venture to say that perhaps she could only be asking for a sign or commitment? You have been together for an extensive period of time, and sometimes, it’s not uncommon to want to reinforce a relationship with more socially standard means.”

“Like, marriage,” Aaron supplies, feeling a weak pit in his stomach, “Or a baby.”

Across the room, Neil huffs at something, and Aaron is pretty sure it’s how he knows he sounds like Andrew right now.

“But,” he continues, looking back at Bee’s inquisitive face on the screen, feeling the resolution churn in the pit until it’s hardening, “I don’t want that.”

He sleeps weirdly well on Andrew’s couch. The cushions are deep and soft without being too soft and rolling him off. He feels like he remembers Neil complaining about Andrew’s couch hunt and feels okay with reaping the spoils, since his brother had forgone a second bedroom when picking an apartment.

As far as he was aware, Andrew didn’t plan on living here long enough to warrant being the best fit for their lives.

He wakes up when Andrew leaves for morning practice, if only until the door snaps closed behind him. Neil doesn’t appear from the bedroom and Aaron takes that as a sign to go back to sleep.

When he does roll off the couch its nearly eleven and his bladder is straining. Neil comes out of the bedroom shortly after he makes it back to the couch, only to duck into the bathroom himself.

When he pulls his phone off the charger there’s two messages from Katelyn, sent back to back.

As he opens it and his phone loads his stomach rolls with something like dread, anticipation and wariness.

_I’m going to stay with my parents for a few days._

_Will be back on Thursday. I have an advisory appointment._

It’s not an apology or a promise or really anything, other than a reminded that Aaron didn’t say how long he was going to be in Boston when he left. At that time, Katelyn hadn’t been leaving though. Visiting her parents probably wasn’t a great sign, similar to how visiting Andrew is also not a great sign.

Neil slowly sits on the chair next to where he’s a statue on the couch, eyes glued to the simple message.

“We’re not getting back together,” Aaron says, or tells him, or tells the apartment.

The churn in his stomach stops for a moment, and Aaron takes a deep breath.

Neil doesn’t say anything.

Pointedly, Aaron looks at him.

Neil shrugs, “This is none of my business.”

Aaron feels like this isn’t true.

“Josten,” he says, nearly with a sardonic laugh and something snide in his voice, “I doubt your stupid enough to ever demand marriage or a baby from my brother, and that’s why you won’t ever have to deal with this.”

Neil doesn’t laugh or dispute this statement, just barely shrugs one shoulder, “I thought you’d want to marry her,” Neil finally comments after a moment. Aaron meets his eyes and nearly feels like it’s true.

“I do,” Aaron answers, “I would.” He shakes his head, though, “But I want it to happen on purpose, not as a side-note. It’s not a blip, it’s a step. And I’d want to be in a position to do it when we’re ready. To give it time, the time it deserves,” he stops. Slowly he swallows, hearing his own words and adds, “Which I know might not ever actually happen. But I also know I’d rather do it when I’m ready. Not when she demands it, just _because_.” He’s not looking at Neil now, or his phone, or really anything. “I just know I don’t want to do it right now. I’m not ready.”

Neil says nothing, which in its own way is his acceptance.

It’s a long minute later when Neil offhandedly asks, “Did you tell her that?”

Aaron scoffs, “Yeah, and she told me to sleep on the couch.” They share a look. “It might have come out a lot louder and not as nicely.”

“Ah,” Neil says, “But she is used to you being an ass.”

“Apparently, not about this,” Aaron sighs, “She’s going to visit her parents until Thursday.”

Neil hums, “Is that a bad thing?”

“It means she’s going to tell them, and we’re not getting back together,” Aaron explains.

Neil frowns. “So, it’s like when I call Nicky,” he asks, puzzled.

Aaron, despite everything else in their conversation, laughs, “Yeah, probably.”

Neil is still frowning when he asks, “Should I tell you I’m sorry?”

Aaron tries not to cringe, “Too soon, man.”

Aaron spends Saturday through Thursday sleeping on Andrew’s couch. He joins Neil, who is surprisingly easy company for the week, on morning runs. Runs, where Aaron sometimes has to duck back into the apartment after the fifth lap, when they make around it, and probably the rest of the city.

They get lunch out when Andrew doesn’t have all day training, and Aaron watches his brother navigate his team-mandated diets with morbid entertainment. It hasn’t been a year yet, but Andrew is already noticeably larger, having made it through his first season as a professional goalie with a surprising amount of play time. They don’t get mistaken in public, with Aaron’s longer hair and Andrew’s now larger frame.

Nicky calls on Monday evening and Aaron is forced through explaining the fight and the argument and _his feelings_ for over an hour before Andrew snatches the phone from his hand and disappears into the bedroom. Neil passes him a cup of tea that Aaron isn’t convinced he wants before he drinks nearly all of it.

He’s caught off guard by how supportive Andrew- and Neil, for that matter- are being that when Andrew wakes up late on Wednesday, after Neil had already left for his run and sits down in the chair, Aaron still doesn’t expect him to ask. But.

“Why don’t you want to have kids,” Andrew asks after only a moment, with no preamble.

Aaron stares at him for a moment longer, and Andrew meets his eyes daringly. “Really,” Aaron asks, “That’s your opening question?”

“My only question really,” Andrew answers dully. “It’s the only one you haven’t answered.”

And Aaron stops. Just stops.

Because Andrew’s right, isn’t he.

The still pit in his stomach freezes.

“I don’t,” Aaron starts and then maybe stops. “I don’t want to have kids.”

“I’ve heard. But why,” Andrew asks again, nonplused.

And Aaron looks at him.

It hasn’t been a year, yet, where they haven’t been together constantly, but. Andrew is learning to be himself. Aaron feels like he’s getting there, too.

This freedom, this knowledge of himself, is new.

And if he’s stilling learning how to do this, how can he teach someone else.

“Like you said,” Andrew sighs, “Marrying her- it’s not no, it’s not yet.” These are very supportive words, coming from his brother and Aaron feels momentarily blindsided by them. “I won’t get involved, Neil made me promise,” he adds with an eyeroll. “This is your life, though. So regardless if she’s in it or not, I want you to make the choice for you.”

Aaron frowns, “He made you promise? To not get involved?”

Andrew glares now. “You called me and said you’d broken up and needed to get away,” Andrew growls out, “How does that sound like a good situation?”

And suddenly Aaron realizes that Andrew was worried. About him.

Which is why he bought a plane ticket with limited information and no return flight.

Andrew wanted to keep him safe.

Aaron nearly laughs, “She didn’t _hurt me_. If anything, I hurt her.”

Andrew huffs, eyes locked onto the blank TV along the opposite wall. “Good.”

For a minute Aaron marvels at how far they’d come since high school. Looking at his brother next to him, sitting in his apartment on his day off.

“This is what life is about,” Aaron says again, before adding, “I guess. Growing up or apart or whatever.” Then he sighs heavily and leans back against the couch. “This is normal. Things like this happen as you figure out who you are. Sometimes, who you grow into, isn’t always who you were, and that has to be okay.”

When he looks back at his brother, Andrew is staring at him, looking a little lost.

“For normal people, I guess,” Aaron adds, “I don’t think we’re normal.”

Thursday, he boards a plane at 2pm, Andrew and Neil both driving him to the airport, Neil looks at all the signs closely and his phone too long.

“What’s he doing,” Aaron asks when he rejoins Andrew after checking his bag.

“His flight is on Saturday,” Andrew tells him.

Aaron frowns.

“He leaves for Houston on Saturday,” Andrew elaborates, looking after Neil as he wanders down the hall looking between his phone and signs. “He signed the contract before graduation.”

Aaron gapes at him, and after another minute curses, “I crashed your last week before he leaves.”

Andrew shrugs meeting his gaze levelly but not lightly, “It seemed important.”

Neil rejoins them after a moment, a smirk tugging at his lips, “Are we ready?”

Aaron stares at him and then Andrew again. Andrew smirks now, before adding, “It was also very informative.”

“What was,” Neil asks.

“Aaron forgot you got signed,” Andrew tells him. Neil frowns at Aaron now.

Aaron glowers, “I didn’t _forget_. I just didn’t realize you were leaving on _Saturday_. And I crashed pretty much the whole time.”

“I mean,” Neil says, seeming unbothered, “It was important.”

Andrew grins slyly at him. Aaron for all his flustering, feels light inside, and regardless of what happens he knows it’ll be okay. So, he takes a deep breath and tells them, “Thank you.”

When he gets back to their apartment, Katelyn is out still.

The lights are all off, but Aaron makes his way into the small living room where their small, less comfortable couch sits across from a small TV with a smaller coffee table in between. Katelyn’s duffle, that she probably took to her parents is on one end of the couch, open and clearly dug through, like she had looked for something in a rush before leaving.

The kitchen is open over a half counter, with the fridge and stove along one wall with cabinets above them. There’s a small pantry to one side and a bathroom across the small entry way. The bedroom door was at the back of the room and tucked around behind the living room.

It was a small apartment, so that Aaron could afford half of the rent.

He wonders if her parents offered to pay all of it, so she could stay living here.

He would need to get a new place quickly, this would be torture for both of them if he didn’t.

The double bed fills up the majority of be bedroom space, even pushed into the corner by the master bathroom doorway. There is a low bookshelf next to the bed where Aaron’s alarm clock and a lamp are posted with the rest of the surfaces covered with books and a few random binders. They shared a long white dresser they found at a thrift store in Columbia which was along the other wall with a small hamper next to it, currently overflowing with clothes.

Aaron made himself turn and walk back into the living room and sit heavily on the coffee table to wait.

Katelyn’s keys jingled in the lock not much later and Aaron makes himself be calm, take a deep breath, and look at her. She slowly pushes the door open, like awaiting a bomb. But when she sees him, she freezes before tucking the door shut softly behind herself. Her shoulders curl inward, and her chin is ducked.

If pressed, Aaron wouldn’t have any idea what she’s thinking. They’ve been together nearly four years, but standing across the living room from each other, Aaron thought she looked like a stranger and it left a disquiet feeling is his gut- not his stomach, where it was still twisted and cold.

“How are your parents,” Aaron finally asks, when Katelyn stands in the entryway, twisting her sleeve in her fingers too long. He wants to know what happened. What happens. What are they doing now.

“They-,” her voice cracks and she clears her throat, “They’re fine.”

Normally she would add ‘they said hi’ even if they hadn’t, and Aaron once again reinforces that they are not getting back together.

“How was Andrew,” she asks, and it sounds scathing. It hasn’t sounded scathing in a long time. Neil and Katelyn had gotten pretty closed in their fourth year.

Aaron nearly tells her the truth- that he was oddly helpful, supportive and not at all imposing or controlling. Aaron had nearly expected Andrew to insist they come up with a plan or to refuse to help Aaron get back to the airport. But he’d done all those things, as well as listen and ask less questions than anyone else.

“Andrew was fine,” he says instead, knowing she would take what she wanted from this.

There’s a small pause, before she shuffles her feet and says, “Do you have anything to say?” Her lips purse in a petulant way and Aaron still finds her beautiful with a fond pull in his gut.

He would probably never stop loving her. Loving her like this- like a person who saved him and helped him discover who he is. Even if part of that discovery was finding out that they’re actually quite different.

So, Aaron says, “I love you, Kate.” For a moment she smiles, and he continues, “I’ll always love you. But I’m not ready.” She stops smiling, and while she doesn’t frown, her eyes gloss immediately. “I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready for some parts of it- of what you want.” Her breath catches and he knows he’s hurt her in a way he can’t imagine. He lets her have a few minutes, catch her breath and wipe her eyes, before he asks, “Do you want me to move out?”

But then she’s crying again, and both her hands come up with cover her face, leaning on one foot against the half wall of the kitchen. It takes every bit of will he has to not go to her and hold her, because that would be a kind of torture for them as well. His eyes get fixed on her fingers instead. Her nails are newly manicured, and he can imagine her mother dragging her out to get them done in a show of support. When she regains her composure this time she nods sharply, quick and fierce as if she couldn’t make herself go slowly. “That would be best, yeah,” she says, voice ragged with near sobs and Aaron feels like trash.

But somewhere under the trash and the hurt and the remorse, it feels right.

He nods slowly, picking his duffle back up and standing.

Katelyn sidesteps out of the hallway and Aaron slinks passed her, and without another word, out of their apartment.

Luckily, during the last two semesters, Aaron made approximately three friends. Sadly, two of them were the significant others of Katelyn’s friends. Happily, the third was Toby from Physics. And even better was that when he called, Toby answered- and more importantly, agreed to let Aaron sleep on his couch for a night or two.

God knows why, again, Aaron calls Andrew as he walks to Toby’s apartment, six blocks north of campus.

Neil answers. “You’re on speaker. How’d it go?”

“She’s keeping the apartment,” Aaron tells them. Conversing with them is easier when he can see their faces, Aaron realizes when the silence stretches.

“Where are you staying,” Neil asks tentatively. Aaron imagines Andrew is glaring in the background.

“With a friend,” he answers, and Neil laughs as anticipated.

“You have a friend.”

“Just the one, for the moment,” Aaron answers, “He would have failed Physic and probably pharmacology without me.”

“Sounds like a winner,” Andrew finally pipes up, “Do you have any money?”

Aaron sighs, “I have some savings left over from my scholarship, but.” He stops, not wanting to admit it. He wouldn’t say he hadn’t thought about it. Because he has. And he’s screwed. Without Katelyn’s parents, he’s screwed.

“Do you need money,” Andrew snaps again, his voice is far away and grainy over the phone. “You’re not _sleeping on the fucking street_. Use your head.”

Aaron stops walking and stares down the street toward campus. It’s still early, not even four yet. The sun is shining and it not too humid for the mid-May day. The world is beautiful, and Aaron is screwed.

“Yeah,” Aaron finally sighs, teeth clenched, “Yeah, I do.”

His scholarships cover classes, tuition and books, which is no small feat. But there is very little left over for housing and food. Katelyn’s parents paid most of their rent and expenses. He has his savings from Tilda’s life insurance, but there is only so much left, and he’s trying to make it last. With help, and how they had their expenses split, it would have lasted through graduation. But not on his own, he had maybe two months of rent, expenses and food.

He would have to get a job, probably just something part time, he wouldn’t be able to do more than that around classes. He could imagine Nicky would be able to find some decent paying job for him, even from Germany, but calling Nicky again sounded like a death sentence after the call on Monday.

“I’ll send you money,” Andrew snaps again, and Aaron feels the ground tilt under him.

“Why,” he asks before he can stop himself.

“Are you _fucking braindead_ ,” Andrew growls back.

“I mean,” Aaron snaps back this time, “Why are you being so nice?”

The other end of the phone is silent for a minute and Aaron peers at his phone to make sure it’s still connected.

“He’s worried,” Neil answers quietly, and Aaron is pretty sure Andrew has stalked off, “He was really worried when you called last week.”

Aaron sighs, hearing someone else say it.

“He’s the one that told me this would happen,” Aaron grumbles, “That she would just hurt me. That being with her wouldn’t do me any good.”

“Aaron,” Neil’s voice is hard, and it chastises him a bit. Aaron bites at his lip, glad suddenly that he can’t see them over the phone. “We both know that he doesn’t think that anymore. Don’t be an asshole.”

Toby’s couch is lumpy. And firm.

Andrew wires him money, from their bank accounts that have been the same since they lived with Nicky and had to have somewhere to put the settlement from Tilda’s life insurance. It’s too much and Aaron nearly calls him to complain, but he remembers how argumentative Neil had been last night and doesn’t.

Instead of fighting with sleep, he spends most of the night looking at apartments and sent three or four emails with inquiries. He wakes up a few hours after falling asleep and starts looking for part-time jobs. He’s enrolled in three courses over the summer, which start in another week. He has a small window to get himself back on his feet.

It feels more official when around 10am, as he’s walking into the Starbucks around the corner from Toby’s when Katelyn emails him a form from the apartment complex that will take his name off the lease and asks when he wants to pick up his stuff. She’s included a complete list of times that she would be available to help and times that she would not. She’s enrolled in her own set of classes for the summer, Aaron remembers and probably wants this taken care of.

Instead of taking his coffee to the library like he’d planned, Aaron finds a table by the window and calls Matt.

Other than being out of the blue, it’s not weird for Aaron and Matt to talk. After living in the dorms together for two years they’re probably as good of friends as Aaron feels capable of retaining. Like most of the Foxes, they’re bonded through the shit show that coated their team and college careers. They all have a group text in WhatsApp, so that even Renee can keep in contact wherever she ends up with the peace corps, and Aaron even contributes semi-regularly.

In hindsight, he’s glad Katelyn never managed to talk Allison or Dan into adding her into the group. He’s not sure if he would have been able to handle deleting her.

He wonders when he’ll work up to crying about this break up as the phone rings against his ear.

“Hello,” Matt answers, sounding at once half asleep and confused.

“Why are you still asleep,” Aaron asks in lieu of a greeting, though he is more than aware of Matt’s lack of a sleeping pattern.

To his credit the other man huffs a fond sounding laugh instead of a snide remark, “Late party last night for some event. Dan’s in, so we were out late.” His voice is full of soft sighs and innuendo. Aaron doesn’t fight the petty urge to make a gagging noise. Dan and Matt having sex is still like hearing about Wymack having intercourse. Which Kevin has told them about _several times_ over the course of their lives.

“Hi Minyard,” Aaron hears Dan yell from the background and Aaron nearly flinches.

“Hi Dan,” he says anyway, before bracing himself and continuing, “So, listen, since you’re there… Kate and I broke up.”

There’s are resounding boom of silence on the other end of the line for about thirty seconds before Dan says, “Shut the fuck up.” She sounds more disbelieving than anything.

Aaron hums, trying to convey his ‘okayness’, “We had a fight, talked it out, I visited Andrew-”

“Because I’m sure _that_ helped,” Matt chirps.

“She visited her parents,” Aaron presses on, ignoring him.

“ _Ooohh_ ,” Dan agrees.

“And, yeah,” Aaron concludes with a short sigh, “Matt, I called because- do you remember the name of the moving company your mom hired to move us in?”

Matt’s mom, Randy, and Stephanie Walker had pretty much adopted the full nine-man line up for the National Winning Foxes team. When he and Katelyn moved from South Carolina to Chicago, Randy had hired a moving company for them, moving Andrew to Boston around the same time, and then Matt to New York when he was signed.

“Yeah,” Matt answers easily, “I can call her and get the number for you. When do you need it by?”

“As soon as possible,” Aaron answers, “I want to be moved out by the time summer semester starts, which is a very small window.” For a moment, the stress presses in, and Aaron moves his hand to kneed at the tense muscles in his neck.

There’s some shuffling on the other end as Matt askes for Dan’s phone and then Dan asks him, much closer now, “Are you okay?”

Aaron doesn’t answer immediately- he’s not Neil. But he weights the answer, and especially after the conversation with Bee he feels it’s honest when he answers, “Yeah, I’m alright. I mean, it sucks, but.” He pauses, takes a deep breath, and remembers that Katelyn and Dan are friends too. “We want different things.”

Dan hums like this makes sense but doesn’t say anything.

“She’s probably not okay, though,” Aaron hears himself add, “If you wanted to give her a call, I’m sure she’d appreciate it.”

Dan lets out a surprised chuckle, “And if all she does is bash you?”

It feels weird to feel _this okay_ as he replies, “You guys already know I’m an asshole, so I doubt it would be anything you hadn’t heard before.”

“Where are you staying,” Dan asks next. Aaron can hear Matt talking in the background.

“With a friend,” he answers.

“You have one of those,” Dan asks and its exactly what Neil said the night prior, making Aaron smile.

“Yeah, just the one,” he answers again, “I have some appointments in a few hours and two tomorrow to find a place.”

“Do you need money,” Matt asks now, back in their conversation.

“No,” Aaron says feeling glad he can say it honestly now, “Andrew sent me some already.”

“Oh _really_ ,” Dan says, sounding as surprised as Aaron had felt.

“Really,” he tells her, and Matt laughs too.

“I have the phone number when you’re ready,” Matt says next and Aaron finds a napkin and pen to take it down.

“Thank guys,” he tells them, feeling like he’s said thank you more in the last week than he has in the last year.

“Keep us posted,” Dan says as they hang up.

“And send me the new address when you get it,” Matt adds.

Aaron ends the call feeling again like everything would be okay, somehow.

In his third year of college, when they came back for fall training, Nicky moved into Matt and Aaron’s room. He said it made more sense to spread out, as they’d gotten two new rooms for the freshmen and living in three’s made more sense. Kevin we better able to navigate Andrew and Neil’s moods. Because they both had moods. It had become more and more apparent that Neil was still processing Baltimore, and whatever came before.

And when Aaron said it, it meant _whatever_ , because honestly, he didn’t care.

Watching from a distance as Andrew navigated Jack and Sheena was enough. Watching Nicky navigate Jack and Sheena was a different story and Aaron often found that he wasn’t as tolerant of other people talking shit about his family. His fucked up and really, really poorly constructed family, but it was _his family_ , damnit.

The freshmen aside, that year Aaron and Katelyn were good. Over the summer he spent a week with her family, met her parents and her dog. And fell in love some more, with the comfort of her home, and her warmth and meeting all her friends. She drove him around Norfolk and showed him where she had her first job, went to high school and the movie theater where she had her first kiss.

The whole visit he felt a disjointed sort of jealousy of her life before Palmetto State. He wanted that. He wanted what she had lived. Aaron spent the entire week trying to imagine growing up like that.

Instead he remembered Tilda and her house with the locks. He remembers the fever sweats and the highs that all blurred together, leaving a hole in his stomach and brain that just _wanted to be filled_. He remembers Andrew dragging him down, handcuffed to the bathroom sink. He remembers Eden and the first time he’d been approached by a woman, and how flustering it had felt. He remembers times after that when it wasn’t flustering, but compelling while leaving him feeling dirty and used afterward from all the affectionate words and meaningless touches.

He remembers making stupid promises to his brother because he just _didn’t want to feel like this anymore_. He didn’t see how the world could ever be beautiful or clean again, and Andrew promised to protect him from it, to shield him. And for a while, it felt good to not have to worry about the world. It felt good to just go through the motions. To just exist.

But of course, then he met Katelyn. She looked at him like he mattered. She looked at him like he was something good, and redeemable, and told him that he had worth. She made him see it too, eventually. She made him want to be those things. She helped him figure out who Aaron Minyard was, what he wanted to be.

And then she told him she needed someone else.

Aaron calls the moving company the next day, having settled on a loft that’s about three blocks west of campus with his requisite central air, laundry machines and exterior security door. It’s somehow cheap enough rent that with the money Andrew had sent him, Aaron is able to prepay the rent though September first, while he looks for a part time to get him through whatever come next- or even better, to find a roommate.

When the guy on the phone from the moving company tells him Randy has already paid for his move, he hangs up the phone and finally cries.

The mattress that had been in their apartment was Aaron’s, moved from the house in Columbia. Katelyn says she won’t use the coffee table or the bookshelf that had been in the bedroom. He picks Monday afternoon, when she said she would be out to come in and box up the majority of his stuff.

His clothes fit in one jumbo garbage bag. Three small boxes fit his books, binder, electronics and bathroom things. They bought their towels together, but after a short text, Aaron shoves half of them into another large trash bag and then the bed sheets into a third one.

He leaves the TV and his part of their dismal movie collection, as well as the coffee pot without saying anything.

He gets the keys for his new apartment on Tuesday morning and meets the movers outside their building at 9am. Katelyn is already gone for the day- he doesn’t ask where, since he knows she didn’t have plans.

They would have still been in Florida for their vacation in a different universe.

In an entirely different universe, they would have gotten married after the first fight, and have been nearly two years into being husband and wife. It feels weird to think about, as he picks up the trash bag containing his clothes and follows the movers out of what is now Katelyn’s apartment, dropping his set of keys on the counter after making sure they had gotten everything that was his.

It’s a tight window, but when the movers drop the last box and position the mattress, Aaron nearly shoves them out of the loft, digs through the clothes containing trash bag and finds his good jeans, and a less wrinkly button up before leaving himself.

It was Toby who had given him the small flier for a coffee shop just off campus that was hiring for odd shifts and flexible hours. Because of course it was a coffee shop, like every other trope of a med school student.

But stopping at the address, Aaron was already skeptical. ‘ _Mar’s House_ ,’ read the violet sign above the door. The yellow stucco and bright orange and red neon sign clashed in a way that made him sick, but he pushed open the door to a warm, colorful cozy space that Nicky probably could have designed. When he introduces himself to the small Korean woman behind the counter, she smiles at him and tells him to take a seat.

The thick but petite brunette who plops down across from him, baring a clip board and red-framed reading glasses, doesn’t look up at him from reading over the paper in front of her. Aaron hopes it’s the resume that he emailed yesterday, but otherwise feels even more skeptical of the validity of the job. Toby had said it was good paying, and that the owner could be flexible with his school hours.

Really Aaron wanted to know why Toby had been asking about jobs for him and wondered if he had downplayed their friendship. He supposed to have to be pretty good friends with someone to let the suddenly crash on your couch without question.

“Why are you looking for a job,” the woman across from him snaps suddenly, still not looking up from the clipboard.

“Rent,” Aaron answers, just barely keeping from snapping back.

“And you didn’t pay that before,” she asks again.

“Bad break up,” Aaron adds, knowing he should be a bit more cordial, but she hadn’t even introduced herself. If this were a real interview, she would have introduced herself, right?

Finally, she looks up, her dark brown eyes focused smaller through the reading glasses. She looks over his face and hums shortly. “Sorry to hear that,” she tells him slowly.

“Thanks,” Aaron says back, forcing his voice to be more friendly.

“You go to CMS,” she asks next, even though Aaron knows it’s at the top of his resume in front of her.

“Yes,” he answers anyway, “Going into my second year.”

She hums again, “Specialty?”

This question catches him off guard, and he stutters before answering, “Neuro.”

She nods, “My husband was a cardiologist before he passed.”

The eclectic vibe of the coffee shop and the high wage made more sense now. “You hire a lot of CMS students,” Aaron asks, and as expected the small woman nods.

“Thought it would make me feel better than starting a scholarship or some bullshit,” she tells him. Aaron withholds his snort, not sure how it would be received.

“Thoughtful of you,” he says instead.

She nods shortly, “I need someone for the morning shift. Mostly restocking, ringing and filling up black coffees. Think you can handle that?”

Aaron nods, actually excited, skepticism finally retreating.

“Good. If you couldn’t, I don’t know if I’d want you messing around with my CNS,” she tells him, and then gives him another once over. “Do you have somewhere to be, or do you have some time to fill out papers and look around?”

Once again, Aaron nods more enthusiastically than he thought was probably necessary and followed her back toward the counter.

“My name is Marla Gentry, by the way,” she tells him finally, “But you can just call me Mar.”

After a few hours at Mar’s, following around the small Korean woman names Sai, and doing paperwork in the office, Aaron returns to his deconstructed loft and calls Toby.

Mostly to thank him for letting him use his couch but then unexpectedly to thank him for letting him know about Mar’s.

“So, you got the job,” Toby asks, sounding more exited then Aaron feels.

“Yeah, I did,” he answers, “Did all the paperwork and stuff already. I start on Thursday.”

“Awesome,” Toby tells him, reminding Aaron of Nicky. “You should come to Wednesday night poetry!”

Aaron pauses. Mar had gone over all the strange event nights that Mar’s hosted. Tuesday and Friday were trivia nights, Wednesday was poetry night and Thursday was usually an open acoustic stage, which she’d shown him the reservation book for and pointed out that every Thursday was booked for the next year and a half. Mar’s also housed a basement, with a more alcoholic menu not available upstairs and a small stage. Monday’s where beat poetry and sometimes comedy acts would go on throughout the week. “No bands,” had been Mar’s only comment, “People get too stupid for bands.”

But Aaron would be working the 5:30am to 1pm shift, usually, as long as his classes and schooling didn’t conflict, and he wouldn’t really be involved in any of those. “If you’re schedule doesn’t work out, the basement always has dished to do for a few hours every night,” Mar had told him. “I keep a light staff and low-key events to make sure I have hours for my people without falling behind too much.”

Aaron wasn’t sure what he had done right for this to be working out so well.

He was waiting for the other shoe still.

And maybe that’s why he’d called Toby.

“Or not,” Toby says, and Aaron realizes he’s been quiet too long.

“Maybe some other time,” he says instead, hesitantly, “I really need to get settled.”

“Of course,” Toby chirps now, “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking for a minute.”

“It’s okay,” Aaron tells him, still hesitant and feeling like he’s missing something. They hang up before he can figure out what it is though.

When he gets off the phone with Toby, Aaron sends his new address into the group WhatsApp chat with no real explanation.

Matt like the message within minutes and then the rest of the Foxes catch on.

Allison first: _You moved?_

Then Neil: _Nice location_.

Andrew: _Did you find a job?_

Aaron answers his brother and ignores Allison just to annoy her: _Yeah. I start on Thursday._

Allison again: _Hello!!?_

Neil: _How far are you from campus now?_

Aaron finally answers Allison, choosing his words strategically: _Kate and I broke up_.

Then he answers Neil again: _It’s only three blocks to the library. Job is about the same._

Allison: _I talked to her less than a week ago! When did this happen?_

Aaron doesn’t reply for a minute, debating. Allison is Katelyn’s friend too. _Talk to her, Reynolds._

Dan types in next: _You will have to bring it up. I talked to her yesterday._

Andrew: _Call me later._ Aaron doesn’t pretend to not know who he’s directing it at.

Wednesday, Aaron sleep and adjusts to the sounds of his new apartment. He tests the locks on the windows and the door to the hallway. He can hear the tenets above him, but they’re not overly loud. There is no noise from beside him, somehow. In the afternoon, he treks to the bookstore and picks up his books and finds a shop for a quick dinner.

On Thursday, when he arrives at Mar’s, Sai lets him in and directs him to the back. She walks him through where the things are to restock the coffee bar are located, and where the clean and dirty dishes go. Then she takes him down the narrow back steps and shows him where the dishwashers are and the things to restock the bar downstairs.

And then she asks him to do the dishes until around 8am, when the rush starts.

She yells into the back for him at times and helps him ring up things for a while. And then she asks him to go back to the dishes.

When he clocks out on the ancient time clock by the office door at 1, it doesn’t really feel like he’s worked at all, other than getting up at 5 in the morning. As he ducks around the counter, Sai hands him a plate with a turkey sandwich on it.

“Where did this come from,” he asks.

She smiles at him, thin lips pulling back and eyes squinting, “From home.”

Aaron has heard her cuss out demanding businessmen and a very prissy woman with a bob cut already this morning, so he knows she is very fluent in English. “Why,” he asks instead.

She grins, somehow, wider, “Good job today.”

Staring at the sandwich Aaron tried not to take too much pride in this silly easy job.

Aaron lays down for a nap when he gets back from Mar’s but is immediately woken back up by the buzzer from downstairs.

Pushing the button, he tries to not snap too much, “Hello?”

“Let me in,” An unmistakable voice demands.

“Allison?”

“Let me in,” she demands again.

Aaron buzzes her in.

In her last year of college, Allison and Neil because an oddly tight pair. If Neil wasn’t with Andrew or running laps around campus like a maniac, he was following Allison on one of her many shopping adventures.

When she would visit the following year, Katelyn would sometimes go with them.

So, when Allison Reynolds shows up at his new loft within a week of their breakup, Aaron is wary.

“What are you doing here,” he asks, leaning into the halfway, before she even reaches his door. Her eyes roll as she pushes her sunglasses up into her hair. Her flats and trendy athletic pants look pristine in his subpar hallway.

“Let me in,” she demands once more, “I need to know what I’m working with.”

Aaron stares at her, even as he steps back and finally does, let her in.

Allison looks around the small space, and Aaron knows it’s only kind of nice. Two of the other apartments he had looked at in his price range smelled like mold and third had a kitchen that was a counter, stove and refrigerator- not even a sink. The bathroom was attached to the kitchen, and all he could think about was poop on the stove. By contrast, this apartment wasn’t great, it was tiny but functional. Without a bathroom next to his stove.

This one was even trying to be trendy with some rich red exposed brick along one wall. Or it was trying to be cheap, he wasn’t sure, nor did he care. It smelled fine and the hardwood reduced the chance of mold. It wasn’t great hardwood, but it was a floor.

Allison hums sounding surprised, like she had expected worse. “Good enough,” she even says, “But where you do sit?”

Aaron was aware of his lack of seating. He had a bed, bookshelf, and a coffee table. The bookshelf along one wall, with the bed on the floor against the back of the room, and the coffee table pushed to the other side, currently stacked with his boxes and half barricaded in with the trash bag of his clothes and towels.

“I was going to worry about that after a nap,” he tells her.

Allison rolls her eyes again, before demanding, “Get some pants on. I’m taking you shopping.”

They stare at each other for at least a minute before Aaron finally relents and, grabbing his good pants from the interview, ducks into the bathroom to change. When he comes out, she throws a different shirt at him and then heads for the door. “Let’s go.”

Kicking and nearly screaming, Allison drags him through four different furniture stores. Not even cheap ones. Expensive ones. They actually do end up yelling at each other in the parking lot, when she pays for a side table, and a small dining room set. It feels like a handout. Aaron isn’t one for taking handouts.

He realizes he hasn’t seen Allison in nearly a year as he follows her through the third store. She came to their graduation but had been somewhere out of country for Neil’s graduation party last month, it was after he got signed and decided that he wasn’t going to walk.

“Why are you doing this,” Aaron snaps at her, still angry and more than a little confused when she has finally harassed him into selecting a dresser and entertainment stand in the fourth store. Allison stares at him in consideration while the clerk runs her credit cards and then slides it back across the counter. The small man on the other side of the desk looks between then like they may start shooting each other any moment.

Instead, Allison signs the receipt and then turns to the door.

She’d scheduled everything to be delivered tomorrow without asking Aaron if he was busy. Thankfully, he’s not. He’s due back into Mar’s on Saturday.

She drives them, finally, to a small diner down the street that they must have passed on the way to the last store. She parks and gets out, leaving Aaron to once again follow or be left behind.

He doesn’t understand how Neil puts up with this woman.

Allison gets them a table and orders then both water with lemon, like she knows what Aaron actually would order and he can’t help but glower at her over the table. She sees it, but then she looks back down at the menu. When the waitress brings their drinks, Allison orders while Aaron skims the menu for something that sounds okay.

When she leaves this time, Allison pins him with a flat look.

“My parents wanted me to get married when I graduated high school,” she tells him suddenly and Aaron. Aaron just stares at her as she continues. “It was part of the reason they tried to disown me. Because I refused.”

Oh, he thinks, that’s where this is going.

“It was the son of one of their business partners or something,” she continues. “I wanted to go to college, play exy and be myself.” She pauses, twisting the wrapper for her straw between her pink nails. “Not marrying someone just because they ask, is probably the best choice you could have made,” she tells him.

Aaron stares. “I don’t need you to tell me that.”

Allison nods, not seeming insulted like he thought she would, “I know.” She takes a sip from her water. Not even touching the lemon she specifically asked for. “But I also know you love her, and not compromising yourself for someone you love is really fucking hard.”

Suddenly, Aaron remembers Seth.

“You don’t own me anything, little Minyard,” she tells him, “I don’t owe you anything, either. But you help your friends when they need help, even if they don’t ask or think they need it. Okay?”

They finish their lunch and Allison drops him back at his building, and then she leaves.

When he sits back down on his bed, he realizes he could have asked her about Katelyn.

Friday as he’s directing the delivery guys where to put his new dresser, Nicky messages the group.

_Aaron, I’m sending you a care package, and don’t you even think about returning it._

The dresser fits perfectly where Allison had told him to put it and Aaron marvels at it for a minute. The wood stain of the entertainment stand matches his coffee table, and then new dining set when it arrives.

He doesn’t reply to Nicky’s message, but does send his own: _Thank you, Reynolds_.

About three hours later, she likes the message, but doesn’t send anything back.

In February of his third year at Palmetto, his trial finally took place. Worst of all, it was right before midterms. It only lasted three days but they were required to attend all of them.

The first day, Aaron testified about the events that took place at Luther’s home. It was like walking through a nightmare as someone tried to reason out that the contact could have been consensual or that maybe he had misunderstood. They had undergone months of coaching from their lawyer, but Aaron wanted to rage and scream and throw things while sitting in that room.

Andrew was quiet. Neil sat next to him for the entire trial, expect when Andrew was on the witness stand. Where Andrew’s face remained blank, Neil’s was flat while broadcasting murder. Their lawyer even told him to contain his emotions at one recess and Neil merely sneered at him.

Not often, Aaron remembers this version or Neil- angry and on edge- and tries to reconcile him with Neil now. Because Neil now, is smooth- or slippery in a way he didn’t used to be. Maybe it was around the time he punched Jack in the face and ripped him apart that Neil began to change. Morph, maybe. Into some kind of better adjusted version of a serial killer’s son. Or maybe it was Andrew, learning how to bring him down to earth. Because Aaron knew how Neil was able to bring his brother back, and it was probably a reciprocal thing.

But while Neil was still learning to chill the fuck out, and Andrew was still coping with the trial, they took their space. Be it the car, regardless of if Nicky or Aaron needed to go anywhere. Or their dorm room, regardless that Kevin still lived there, too.

On those nights though, when his room probably felt like a sinking ship, Kevin would sleep on Matt’s couch in their dorm room. Eventually, Matt taught him how to play video games even. And the four of them would play until too early in the morning and then be dragging to practice or class.

Maybe that was how they all became friends. At two in the morning, a little bit drunk and yelling at each other over Mario Kart or whatever other game Matt would insist they play.

During the trial though especially, Nicky would drink himself stupid with the girls, and Matt would fuck off with Dan and Kevin and Aaron would be left alone in his room. After his turn on the stand, Aaron was drunk the rest of the week. He maintained just sober enough to walk into the court room, and by the end of it to be wishing he were drunk again already.

It was the only time in their five-year relationship when Aaron actually told Katelyn he needed some space, questioning how life could be so shitty and just not wanting to see the sun until it was over. She listened, for the most part, and Aaron woke up on the bathroom floor for the fifth and final time the day after the trial ended with Kevin leaning against the doorframe.

He didn’t look pitying, which was probably the only reason Aaron hadn’t kicked him out.

“What happened,” he asked.

Kevin’s face didn’t change as he said, “You were acquitted. The Spears’ foster license is revoked. Drake was awarded seventeen counts of child endangerment, fifteen cases sexual assault and was stripped of his military rank. Posthumously, of course.”

Aaron remembers feeling dizzy mostly, as he listened. “I was in the room, wasn’t I?”

Kevin nearly laughed, “Yeah, you were.”

“I asked you to tell me all this, didn’t I,” Aaron guessed.

Kevin smiled then, “Yeah. And then you downed two bottles of whiskey in under an hour and kissed me before you passed out.”

Aaron looked up at him from the floor, “What?”

Kevin shrugged, “You were pretty drunk.”

“Obviously,” Aaron snapped back, “I don’t remember yesterday afternoon.”

He went to Katelyn’s after a sobering breakfast with Kevin and Nicky, when they’d found Neil and Andrew still gone. And it was nice when she didn’t ask questions, just pulled him into her bed and they napped the majority of the day away.

When classes start back up, Aaron manages to get into a rhythm of school and working at Mar’s. He takes some evening shifts and does dishes for a few hours behind the bar while going over notes and vaguely listening to the terrible comedy acts that perform.

It takes weeks of walking back to his apartment from class or work and nothing to have moved for it to sink in.

They’re over.

He’s alone.

Before Katelyn, it was Andrew. And before Andrew, it was Tilda. It takes weeks, but Aaron finally realizes this is the first time in his life that he has been alone. On his own. By himself. And standing in the doorway of his apartment- his, no one else’s- weeks later, he thinks it may be kind of nice. Merely a moment later, he doubts it will last. Aaron knows he’s not built to actually be on his own, really. But for a little bit, it’s okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr @ arkadavinia


	2. We Grow Away From This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The volume is too low to hear but the ticker tape tells Aaron all he needs to know._ 'Day trading to the Chicago Knights?'"  
> Kevin moved to Chicago. Aaron just wants closure.

2.

Neil calls him on a Wednesday in June.

Which, Neil calling him is weird enough. But he calls during class and leaves a voicemail.

By the time he taps the voicemail and is able to listen to it, he’s pretty sure someone has died. Panic builds in his chest for a few moments until he listens to the actual words: “ _Shit, you’re in class. I forgot. But I think I found a roommate solution. Call me back when you’re free._ ” Panic is quickly replaced by curiosity, especially when he calls Neil back, and he doesn’t answer.

He heads into a flex shift at Mar’s, since she’s decided she really likes how he stacks the dishes in neat piles compared to Sai or the other part-timers, who don’t really seem to know how to not make a mess of everything they touch. He’s also started cleaning the shelving that used for the extra supplies to keep his hands busy, while he listens to recorded lectures. She even gave him a raise.

There’s a small TV in the coffee shop that usually plays day times soaps or a random sports channel. When he walks in today, it’s on a sports channel and Aaron stops when he sees Kevin on the TV. It’s a recording of some recent event based on how long his hair gets during the off season. The stupid queen piece tattoos on his cheek doesn’t look like it’s faded since college. The tailored suits and shiny shoes look out of place on him though, against the blue event backdrop and Aaron tries to remember how long it’s been since he’d actually seen the other man in person. Like Allison, it was probably too long.

The volume is too low to hear but the ticker tape tells Aaron all he needs to know. _Day trading to the Chicago Knights?_

Neil calls again as he’s finishing loading the dishwasher for the second time and heading for the back stairs. “Kevin’s getting traded,” Aaron asks in lieu of a greeting.

Neil huffs, “I didn’t know they were releasing it to news outlets already.”

“I mean,” Aaron cuts him off sarcastically, “It had a question mark at the end? Probably to rile up the fans.”

“Well, obviously,” Neil scoffs.

“And you want me to ask him to be a roommate,” Aaron asks next, feeling a headache come on, “Don’t you think I got sick of him in college?”

Neil sighs, and says spitefully, “I mean, he doesn’t need a roommate.”

Aaron stops, halfway up the stairs, hating that he knows Neil is right. “Did you already ask him?”

“He’s wouldn’t even be there half the year,” Neil tells instead of answering, “He’s making Court this draft.”

“What about Thea?” Aaron asks feeling like living with Kevin’s girlfriend would probably be weird, though she was probably the only person who Katelyn hadn’t seemed to care for.

Neil doesn’t even pause, “They broke up before Christmas.” Which makes Aaron pause if nothing else.

“No, they didn’t,” he insists, having absolutely no recollection of this happening.

“No, they really did,” Neil tells him, “He got drunk at Coach’s on Christmas Eve and didn’t sober up until the third.”

“I bet that went over wonderfully,” Aaron imagines.

“They took it in stride,” Neil says, sounding bored and Aaron imagines him shrugging, “Thea had made him stop drinking, so he’s less expensive now at least.”

Aaron hums, imaging it. Living with Kevin again. There are worse options. The stadium isn’t far from campus, a few extra blocks. He’d probably keep the job at Mar’s even. He sighs, “I paid my lease through September first.”

“They still have to go through paperwork and all that stuff, so it won’t be an instant thing,” Neil tells him, “You should call him, though.”

“Fine,” Aaron snaps and hangs up, finishing his trek up the stairs.

When he’s working the Saturday morning shift with Sai and Mar, Toby stops in. Aaron tries to convince himself it isn’t a coincidence but really can’t when Toby says, “Are you off soon?” He looks so hopeful and wary; Aaron would have to be and idiot to not get it.

And honestly, his shift ends in ten minutes. When he slips into the back hallway, where Mar’s office is and the time clock and the currently seldom used coat rack, Mar calls to him from her office. “He stopped in yesterday and asked if you were here,” she tells him honestly, looking like she’s aware she’s ratting herself out, “I told him your shift.” Her eyebrow lifts, “Hope that’s not a problem.”

Aaron likes Marla. She reminds him a lot of Abby, with more rough edges, and less medical knowledge. But she cares, and she’s made that more than obvious when she checks in on how he’s adjusting, and on his classes, and even sometimes, if he got enough to eat. “Boys living on their own sometimes need caring for. I know my Allen did. He would have died in the middle of the term if no one was watching him.” So. Aaron likes Mar.

And to an extent, he trusts her judgement to not have given his shift information out to some creeper. “It’s fine,” he says, “Toby’s the one who told me about this job and let me crash on his couch.” Admitting it reminds Aaron that his still owes the other man.

Mar huffs at him like she already deduced the last part. “Be safe,” she tells him, like always, as he clocks out and heads for the front again.

Toby is still waiting, now seated at a table, with a nearly empty cup in his hands. “Do you want to get lunch,” Aaron asks him as he rounds the counter, “I still owe you for letting me crash on your couch.” Aaron busses his cup and coaster into the back before calling a quick bye to Mar and Toby follows him out onto the sidewalk.

“How are you adjusting,” Toby asks, and Aaron glances at him.

Toby when Aaron first met him, looked like a wet dish rag. He’d had a black eye and a split lip, and Aaron’s first instinct was the keep clear. It brought up all kinds of nasty memories and things he wished he could process faster. But when they were paired together for a Physics assignment, Aaron couldn’t help himself, blurted out, “What happened to your face?” Instantly he’d regretted the question, imagining Josten spitting some sharp comment back.

But Toby, stupid Toby saw the horror on his face and actually laughed. “Oh gosh,” he said and under the bruising, he was blushing, “No, no, really. It’s _stupid_ , not _horrific_. I was in a mosh pit.”

“A mosh pit,” Aaron asked back skeptically. Toby was probably 120 pounds wet, with a jacket.

“Yeah,” Toby had replied, somehow sounding so amused Aaron wanted to laugh himself, “There’s a venue down on seventh street that has the best ragers during the holidays.”

Aaron still couldn’t imagine getting punched in the face for the admiration of a band.

He avoided getting punched in the face, ever again.

“It’s fine,” Aaron tells him now, “Weird, not living with someone after this long, but it’s alright.”

“Are you looking for a roommate,” Toby perks.

Aaron cuts him off, “No, a friend from undergrad in moving up and I’m probably going to be staying with him.” He doesn’t mention that he hasn’t called Kevin yet, or even say Kevin’s name.

Exy fans might run closely with mosh pit fans, he’s not sure.

Toby subtly deflates but keeps smiling, “That’s lucky.”

Aaron nods to agree, “You have no idea.”

And he doesn’t need one, Aaron thinks, as they enter the small diner as get a table. Toby smiles at the waiter too nicely. And they’re able to make small talk about their classes, even though Toby is taking the summer off and working at a grocery store full time while he can.

When she drops off the check, the waitress smiles at them. But it’s not flirtatiously, and she slides the check toward Aaron. “You two have a great night,” and she says it like ‘ _you two_ ’ like, ‘ _this couple_ ’ and Aaron deflates inside a bit.

Aaron spent a lot of time talking with Bee, leading up the trial and then afterward, pretty much until graduation. Part of that was due to a lot of… Tilda. It was because of Tilda. And how Tilda hated everything- Jews, Police, con-artist, liars- but mostly about how Tilda hated homosexuals. And how his brother, his twin, is actually a homosexual. And how his cousin, who probably saved their lives, is a homosexual.

And when Toby looks at him, he’s startled and blushes a bright red straight across his tiny freckled nose, Aaron tries to not grimace. “It’s okay,” he says quietly, and he’s not sure which one of them he’s telling. He slides out of the booth and pays at the register without saying anything to the waitress again, even when she again says, “ _you boys have a great night_ ,” with the same innuendo-based undertone.

On the sidewalk Toby stop and fidgets, his eyes locked on the sidewalk.

Aaron sighs and actually feels bad that he looks so uncomfortable, tries to think of something to say. “Look, Toby,” he starts, but has no idea how to continue.

It’s been a long time, since he’s been scared of ‘the gays’ as Tilda would call them. The only reason a gay man has ever really scared him was watching Andrew gets pissed off. Being in medical school is good for reaffirming that all people are really just organ sacks, and who you love is really just a chemical reaction. None of that helps right now though, and Aaron leans back on Bee’s old lessons.

Objectively, Toby is cute. Stylishly frumpy auburn curls and an attractive smattering of freckles over a cute face. But also, objectively, Aaron is pretty sure they’re not even compatible personality wise. His favorite thing about Katelyn is that she didn’t put up with his shit and would whole-heartedly tell him when he was fucking up.

That she didn’t when they broke up was telling enough.

Even if he looked passed Toby as a male, with a penis, he still wasn’t interested.

So, he says, “Thank you again, for letting me crash back then. And sorry it took a while to meet up. You’re a good friend.” It’s probably as indirect as he can be, and it feels cheesy coming out. But Toby blushes in a different way now and looks only minutely crestfallen.

“I was happy to help,” Toby tells him, “And hey, I’ll see you in Pharmacology two, right?”

They had scheduled their falls classes together before the spring semester ended. Which brings up an entirely different thought that Katelyn will also be in their class.

Aaron makes himself grin back, politely enough, “Pharm, oh yeah, can’t wait.” It’s a bad joke but it lands well enough and Toby laughs. “I should get going,” Aaron tells him then, coasting on the high, “I have some homework to get through.”

Toby nods, lips pinching together, and Aaron hopes he doesn’t cry. “Yeah,” he squeaks instead, “See ya.”

Kevin, as Kevin always does, gets tired of waiting, and calls Aaron on Sunday. It’s early and Aaron’s day off. He stares at the name on the phone for just long enough, thinking about not answering, that he misses the call completely. He huffs out just enough of a laugh, knowing Kevin will be annoyed, and calls back.

“You couldn’t just answer,” Kevin snaps and Aaron nearly grins.

“You’re too easy, Day,” Aaron tells him, rolling over in bed.

Kevin doesn’t answer immediately, and Aaron checks the connection. “Why are you still asleep,” Kevin asks instead a minute later, and Aaron can imagine him rubbing his temple.

“It’s my day off,” Aaron yawns.

Kevin huffs, “You sound like your brother.”

Aaron glares at the ceiling, “Did you call just to insult me?”

“You know why I called,” Kevin grumbles back.

“Yeah,” Aaron says, fighting another yawn, “I do.”

Kevin huffs, but doesn’t say anything for another minute. “Well?”

“I was waiting for a question,” Aaron tell him.

Kevin actually grumbles this time and Aaron wonders if he’s grinding his teeth. He hopes he is. “Do you want to move in together,” Kevin nearly growls out.

And the phrasing makes Aaron pause, like too many things lately.

Life isn’t what he thought it would be, even just a few months ago.

“Why did you and Thea break up,” Aaron asks suddenly, not even sure he wants to know.

Kevin’s end of the line is silent for a beat, then he says, “We make better friends.” Aaron frowns at the ceiling.

“How can you even know that?”

Kevin sighs softly, “We always fought, but suddenly it wasn’t ending, it was too real. We always fought, but then we were _fighting_.” Aaron digests that, as Kevin hums, “Since we split up, we’re back to bickering. But then we leave and the next time we see each other, it's still just bickering. Like it used to be.”

“Damn Day,” Aaron says, needing the levity, “When did you get so introspective?”

Kevin snorts, “Ask Neil and I’ve always been this dramatic.”

“Yeah,” Aaron agrees, “He’s right.”

Kevin chuckles and then they both pause. Aaron wonders if Kevin will ask him the same.

But he doesn’t.

“So, living together,” Kevin asks instead.

“Such a spoil sport,” Aaron grumbles, “Fine. Yes, Day, I’ll move in with you.”

“Don’t act like I’m doing you a favor or anything,” Kevin snarks back.

“Fuck you, Day,” Aaron chirps back lightly, lighter than it ever would have been at Palmetto, “I have a job.” Kevin actually laughs.

Kevin asks him to look for apartments, without really giving him a price range. The location is all that seemed to matter, which as Aaron figured was somewhere near the stadium and campus. And Aaron’s job once he’d finished telling Kevin about it.

“Amenities,” Aaron asks him.

“Whatever,” Kevin answers. Aaron rolls his eyes.

“I need more than a location, Kevin.”

“Use your _good judgment_ ,” Kevin tells him- it’s so sassy and _Kevin Day_ that Aaron snorts. “Though probably with an extra bedroom,” Kevin finally adds.

“So, three bedrooms,” Aaron asks, doing the math in his head from finding this loft only months ago.

“Sure,” Kevin says, “And you pay a third. Or whatever. I don’t even care.”

Aaron feels the laugh bubbling back up before he can stop it, “So basically you just don’t want to have to find a place?”

“No,” Kevin agrees, sounding more petulant than average, “I hate apartment searching.”

“How did you find your place now,” Aaron asks, fearing the answer.

“I made my team management do it. Did you think I did it myself,” Kevin answers, sounding exasperated and Aaron wants to laugh and strangle him at the same time.

“You’re a train wreck, Day.”

“Oh, like this is news to you,” Kevin snips back again.

Aaron finds a few apartments and schedules walk throughs. The spaces are all overwhelming and Aaron nearly wants to throw up at the prices, stress bunching his shoulders just from doing the math. But in the end, there are three he manages to get through that fit the very vague qualifications that Kevin has given him.

He emails the links over and lets Kevin make the final choice. Kevin picks the one that’s closest to Aaron’s school and job, saying he likes the layout best when Aaron tries to fight about it. It is an open floorplan, similar to Andrew’s apartment, with two bedrooms off the living room and the third hidden behind the laundry room and kitchen. It’s the middle price range between the three, but also has a small reception area for packages to be delivered and to monitor guests, elevators and an underground parking lot.

It’s about six-million times nicer than either of Aaron’s latest apartments, and he tries not to feel weird when Kevin just tells him how much to pay a month. It’s nowhere near half, and he wants to fight about it, but. Well, it’s probably about what he can afford to pay.

Summer classes finish with a two week gap before classes start again for the fall. Kevin is flying up on the first Tuesday, having missed a week of the Knights training camp due to legal nonsense. The weekend prior, they finish the paperwork on their shared apartment and Aaron manages to get moved again, Kevin- for some reason- hiring movers for him. When he gets to the apartment, there are some boxes along a side wall but otherwise the space is empty.

It’s still bigger than both of Aaron’s last apartments put together, but not too extravagantly so. The movers arrange his bed, side table and dresser in his bedroom but leave the coffee table, his now entirely too small dining set and entertainment stand in the main room. Afterward he goes to the grocery store, and by the time he gets back, there are more boxes along the side wall somehow, and Kevin is in the living room.

He looks travel burnt and is sitting on Aaron’s coffee table. But he grins when Aaron shows him the groceries.

“We need a couch,” is the first thing he says, though.

Aaron snorts and it already feels natural. “Did you even have any furniture in your other place?”

“No,” Kevin says, scrolling along his phone, for something, “It was a prefurnished apartment.”

Aaron squints at him, judgmentally, “Do you have a bed?”

Kevin laughs, “It’s being delivered in few hours. Along with a dresser.” He wiggles whatever is on his phone at Aaron as if in support of what he’s said. And then he looks around the room. His eyes land on the tiny dining table, with its four chairs, after a moment he shrugs. “Otherwise, this is fine,” he says, and Aaron nearly questions him.

But this is Kevin. Who grew up in the dorms of the Nest, and then Palmetto, and has since apparently lived in a stock photo apartment. So, this probably _is_ fine.

“Works for me, man,” Aaron agrees.

Kevin then grins at him over the island counter. “Food?”

It almost feels like a joke when Aaron texts the group chat the next day, yet again just sending an address with no real context.

Allison replies quickly and Aaron is convinced she doesn’t actually have a job, even if he knows she does. She writes: _If you sold any of that furniture, you and I will have an issue, Minyard._

Nicky: _I’m sending another care package!_

Aaron huffs a laugh, because the first one was an actually giftbox with a bottle of wine and some small sausages. He replies: _Or don’t, that’s fine too._

Nicky sends back crying emojis.

Neil writes: _I’m glad it worked out for you guys._

Nicky: _Who’s ‘you guys’?_

Aaron answers before Neil can. _Kevin got traded to Chicago, so we’re living together._

It all comes out true, but Aaron stares at the words as if they’re odd.

Andrew writes: _Neil, call me._

Aaron continues around his brother’s interlude: _Kevin also has no furniture, so all of that is safe, Allison._

Allison: _How does he not have furniture? Are all of you men incapable?_

Aaron does not have an answer for that, but Dan pops in: _That is good luck for both of you. Now I will worry slightly less._

Living with Kevin was an easier transition than learning to live alone. He starts training camp the day after they moved in, so by the time Aaron wakes up in his new surroundings for the first time, Kevin is already hours gone.

Aaron wonders for the first time in years, if Kevin still has night terrors or trouble waking up in dark rooms.

The parts of living in the dorm together that he had forgotten come back like riding a bike. Kevin’s stupid running habits, even on the days when he doesn’t have practice. Kevin’s stupidly healthy diet, that was now contractually obligating. And on their third night in the apartment, Kevin’s night terrors that he did, yes, still have.

Maybe in undergrad, Aaron would have just gone back to sleep. Now instead he stares at the ceiling for a bit, even when no more yells or thuds come from the other room. With a forced sigh, Aaron rolls over and looks at his alarm clock. It’ll go off in twenty-eight minutes for him to get up for Mar’s anyway. He heads for the kitchen, flipping on every light between and clicks the coffee pot to life, before heading for the fridge.

The coffee is almost done by the time that Kevin pokes his head out of the bright hallway. “What are you doing,” he asks, frozen.

“I have work,” Aaron answers, not looking away from the pan of eggs in front of him. There are enough for Kevin. “Do you want coffee,” he asks. It’s not in the contract, he’s been told, but Kevin hasn’t always been about being better than the rules.

Kevin clears his throat awkwardly, still in the hallway and gives a small nod, “Yeah. Thanks.”

“Shut up,” Aaron chirps back, with no real bite and nearly sighs. Kevin stands to the other side of the island, where they have no stools, and watches him.

“Isn’t cooking without a shirt on hazardous, Doctor,” Kevin asks in a deadpan a few minutes later. When Aaron glares up at him, Kevin fakes a grin and his cheeks pink just barely, “Bad joke?”

“All of your jokes are bad, Day.”

They go couch shopping on Friday afternoon, when Kevin gets back from training. Unlike shopping with Allison, shopping with Kevin was slow paced and consists of generally just wondering around a few stores. Kevin starts the habit early of them flopping down onto which ever couch they’re considering

Halfway through the second store, Kevin flops down on a grey sectional that Aaron thinks is probably too big, and says, “I’ve never had sex on a couch.”

Aaron takes a solid three minutes, where Kevin continues to bounce lightly on this one, testing resistance or something probably.

“I really have no idea what you want me to say to that,” Aaron tells him in the end. Because.

Really.

Kevin shakes his head and says, “Me either.”

Suddenly Aaron notices how Kevin’s knees are all taller than the couches. When he sits, he sinks down into the fabric surface and his knees are elevated above his pelvis level. It does something interesting in Aaron’s mind that he shuts down as soon as he feels it stirring something molten in his gut.

“Not this one please, you’ve scarred it for me forever,” Aaron sighs, already looking toward the next couch.

Kevin chuckles, unperturbed and follows Aaron to the next couch on display.

They settle on a different grey one with a chaise on the left side. Aaron has every intention of using it for homework and not imaging Kevin having sex on it, even though his knees are still above the level of the couch when he sits on it. He’s just too tall. They don’t make couches for people that tall.

The couch is delivered on Saturday and then Kevin sits on it for three minutes before announcing he’s getting them cable. Which makes sense to Aaron, because it’s actually how he gets paid.

Toby comes by Mar’s again the following Tuesday during the rush, and Aaron doesn’t feel awkward as he takes his order. Toby looks awkward, but Aaron doesn’t think it’s in his power to help. Mar stares after him as he leaves with another awkward little wave. “Did’ja let him down easy, killer,” Mar asks, tone patronizing, and Aaron has to literally rub at his face to make himself not explode.

“Yes, Mar,” he grumbles, softly, probably sounding like a wounded animal.

“Too easy, I think, killer,” she tells him with a scoff, “He’s still hanging on.”

“We have classes together, Mar,” Aaron whines to her, since she’s bringing it up, “with my ex-girlfriend.”

Mar looks affronted, “You go both ways?”

Aaron gapes at her, “I’m not gay, Marla.”

Mar’s face turns skeptical and she’s gives him a once over, “I’ve never had a straight man organize my closet so well.”

Aaron huffs at her, internally waiting for himself to panic, but it doesn’t come. “That’s some stereotypical bullshit if I’ve ever heard it. I’m not gay. I was with Katelyn for nearly five years.”

Mar harrumphs at him, “And now you’re not.” It sounds nearly like some Bee wisdom how she says it. Then she adds, “Just because you’re not gay doesn’t mean you’re straight, Minyard. That’s some stereotypical bullshit if _I’ve_ ever heard some.”

Aaron fumes for a moment and wants to fight her, but really. He can’t. So, he changes his tactic, “I’ve only ever been sexually attracted to women, Marla.”

“Me too,” says Marla, catching him completely off guard, “Except my Allen.” And Aaron is gaping again. Thankfully Toby arrived at the end of the rush and the house is clearing out now. “Look, kid,” Marla starts again, sighing softly, “I don’t give a shit. All I’m saying is that boy wants to know more than what classes you’re taking, and the nice thing is to put him out of his misery if you’re really not interested.” Now Mar looks a little more sheepish, like she might grasp that this is a sore subject for Aaron.

Not like she can know he’s spent days and days of therapy trying to work through it. So, he says, “Okay, I’ll talk to him.”

Except he doesn’t.

Katelyn loved pasta. And bread. And potatoes.

Aaron makes Kevin send him his dietary restrictions because he _cannot believe_ someone is prohibited to eat _white bread_. But Kevin Day is. They go to the grocery store, finally, on Saturday night, because Aaron will not go once classes start for at least two weeks and Kevin hasn’t stopped eating his entire life.

“You should just buy the produce department, it would be easier,” Aaron tells him, leaning against the cart as Kevin puts in the seventeenth bag of produce. Kevin barely tosses a glare at him, that’s how immune Kevin is to him already.

Maybe he forgot how to be an asshole in the year since graduation. Blissful life with a blissful woman probably did that to him, and a strict lack of people who make him want to bash his head against the wall.

But then again, Aaron was the one now living as a nearly kept man, while Kevin pays eighty percent of their utilities, rent and groceries.

Freaking Mar for getting him on this weird introspective kick.

Aaron adds a loaf of bread to the cart out of spite, making sure Kevin sees it. Instead, Kevin frown and swaps it for a multigrain version and then grins at him, like _this is better_. Aaron glares the entire way through the store.

Monday morning, at 9am, Aaron remember that thing he told Mar he would do, and then didn’t when Toby slides into the seat in front of him in their Pharm two class.

“Hey,” Toby says, “Long time no see.” Like it’s a joke.

And freaking Mar, because now he’s looking at Toby’s jaw line and trying to tell himself it’s not attractive, but it kind of is. In an aesthetically pleasing kind of way. And his shoulders, when he turns around to pull his laptop out of his bag stretch, and his muscles stand out.

When they were first dating, Aaron appreciated that Katelyn was strong enough to put up a good fight when they wrestled and prop herself up just right above him. Also, to do the splits, but he had no notions that Toby could do the splits.

Freaking Mar.

But any more attention Aaron would have put into it is snagged as the next person enters the classroom. It isn’t Katelyn, but the idea of seeing her after four months of radio silence makes his chest tight and he feels like he might puke.

“What’s wrong,” Toby asks, probably seeing some panic on his face.

Aaron grumbles, “Kate is signed up for this class.”

Toby makes a pinched face and turns toward the door.

They both watch it until the professor enters, and then a few minutes later when the lecture starts.

Katelyn never shows.

Between classes, after saying a short bye to Toby and still not fixing that problem, Aaron texts her for the first time since they broke up. He hadn’t deleted their texts, so the last one was when he asked about the towels in May.

‘ _Did you switch Pharm classes?_ ’ he asks.

She doesn’t answer before his next class, but when he leaves out of this one, with a few hours until a lab, there’s a text waiting.

‘ _Yes_ ,’ is all it says.

For some reason, that single word feels like a hole punched in his gut.

‘ _Did you get into another section?_ ’ he asks.

Her reply is much faster, probably as she leaves her own class, ‘ _Yes, Aaron_.’

He debates sending anything else, but eventually slides his phone back in his pocket and makes for the library to start on course work.

He’d been working himself up to see her, Aaron realizes staring across the library at nothing. He wasn’t sure why, but he had and not seeing her almost felt worse. He felt worried now, like, what if he’d made a mistake.

He still loved her. Though after four months and some of his odder revelations, he wasn’t sure he would still be _in love_ with her.

But he was disappointed that she would change her schedule to avoid him, even when he could remember how he’d been planning to move out as fast as possible to save them both the grief.

On his way home from his last class, Aaron ducks into the small corner store. Everything was overpriced and the general area near the cash register smelled like sulfur for some reason. But Aaron slide two large bottles of middle-shelf vodka across the counter, flashes his ID and pays before heading back to his apartment.

One of the boxes Kevin had unpacked a few days prior contained an Xbox. Kevin bought a TV over the weekend for when the cable is installed on Wednesday. Aaron drops the bag of Vodka and Gatorade on the counter and begins to rummage through the fridge for something to eat first- as if he weren’t a complete idiot.

Kevin comes out of his room, freshly showered and still glistening and all Aaron can think is that Katelyn changed her schedule so that she wouldn’t have to see him.

“What going on here,” Kevin asks, looking from the vodka to Aaron.

Aaron doesn’t directly answer his question, but asks, “Want to play a video game?” Kevin tries to smile but it looks nearly pained.

“Sure,” he agrees, then adds, “Bad day?”

Aaron wags his finger at the vodka bottles, “Ask that again after some of this is gone.”

“Well okay,” Kevin laughs and turns to go set up the Xbox, Aaron assumes.

Aaron makes fried rice, because it’s fast and absorbent and Kevin can eat it, kind of. He makes it through dinner, two glasses of vodka and Kevin decimating him at some FPS he can’t remember the name of before Aaron feels like he can talk about it.

“She changed her schedule,” Aaron says, and Kevin immediately pauses the game to look over at him.

For the first time in his life Aaron is pretty sure he might be sad drunk. Which figures. He hasn’t been drunk since his third year at Palmetto. Kevin waits for him to elaborate and it’s probably the most patient Aaron has ever seen him.

“We were supposed to have a 9am together today,” he says finally, and then takes another drink. “She changed classes and I didn’t know.” Kevin is frowning but doesn’t interrupt. “I mean, it makes sense,” he tries to reason, “I get that she wouldn’t want to see me, I guess. But. I wanted to see her.” He pauses still trying to figure that part out. “Not to get back together, or anything, or even to like, talk to her. Just to _see_ her.”

Kevin is frowning down at his controller now, looking pensive.

Aaron wonders what he’s thinking, and asks, “Is that crazy?”

Kevin shakes his head instantly, and insists, “No. It’s not crazy.” He takes a moment, then sighs and continues, “Thea and I didn’t live together, so it’s not exactly comparable. But, we would talk most days. Call or text, at least. For a while after we split up, we didn’t talk.” Kevin laughs like this is actually funny, but his eyes looks weirdly haunted. “But she was with me through,” he pauses, voice catching, and swallows, “through _all the shit_.”

Aaron isn’t sure he’s ever heard Kevin call anything exy related ‘shit’, even the Nest.

“Not talking to her kind of felt like cutting off my feet,” he explains, “Like relearning a limb.” His hand fists even as he says it, because Kevin knows what relearning a limb feels like. “Talking again, it was closure, I guess, on our relationship. But it was also establishing that we still mean something to each other, after all that shit.” Kevin nods now, looking up at Aaron again, gazes locked in some kind of understanding. “You and Kate went through plenty, too. So no, it’s not crazy.” Aaron nods, finishing his cup and then setting it down on the coffee table. When he looks back, Kevin is watching him, but Aaron waits for him to ask. “Why did you break up?”

Aaron grins and he’s drunk so it probably looks pathetic. “She wanted to get married. Have a kid. Have had a kid, like a year ago, probably. Have been married before graduation. And I, didn’t.” He stops, shakes his head, just enough to make himself dizzy and rubs his hands over his eyes. “No, I didn’t, _yet_.” He sighs but Kevin still has his understanding face on. “She gave an ultimatum and I chose to leave, I guess.”

Kevin is just staring at him and Aaron tries to shrug. Then Kevin shrugs instead, “I don’t know what you want me to say to that, really.” And Aaron laughs. It’s probably the first time he’s laughed since the breakup, even if he is drunk.

“God damnit, Kevin,” Aaron snaps back with little to no heat, still laughing, “Don’t you have a sympathetic bone in your body?”

“For your girlfriend of five years getting dumped for demanding a Minyard to put up or shut up when he wasn’t ready,” Kevin snaps back with much more flare than Aaron had honestly been expecting, “Absolutely not.”

Suddenly Aaron isn’t laughing, and Kevin is giving him a look that Aaron knows means he’s serious. Too serious. _Riko was an asshole and my brother_ , serious. _I’ll be as stubborn as I want, I’m Kevin Day_ , serious.

“Is that why Allison bought your furniture,” Kevin asks next as Aaron continues to gape at him, just a little bit.

Aaron clears his throat to answer, “Uh, yeah.”

Kevin nods, looking back at his controller and then to where Aaron’s cup sits on the coffee table. He swaps the controller for the cup and strides into the kitchen. Aaron watches across the room as he fills the cup about halfway, slams it back and then refills it before topping it off with Gatorade like Aaron had been making for himself.

Aaron only blinks at him when Kevin hands him back the cup.

“New game,” Kevin asks, picking up his controller again.

Wednesdays Aaron has an hour break between two lectures from noon to one, and since he has bread, he makes a sandwich and finds a corner of the library to actually start working on course work.

By the time he mostly through the break, he’s updates his calendar with test dates and gotten through his Monday lab prework for the following week and read over his semi-coherent notes from his Tuesday lecture, since he had been slightly hung over.

Kevin, the asshole, had been out the door for practice without a problem, while Aaron drug himself through work and then class on steam alone.

But for this break, he’s made a dent and feels a bit more confidant going into his afternoon lecture. On the way out of the library, he swings passed the row of vending machines for some caffeine. And there she is.

It kind of feels like _finally_. CMS isn’t that big, and she avoided him for nearly a week.

But it’s Katelyn, leaning against a chair on the opposite side of the stacks talking to one of her friends he vaguely recognizes from some of their classes. She’s smiling and then laughs at whatever they’re talking about.

And maybe this was it. Maybe this was all he needed. Really, just to see her. It takes him another minute to realize that maybe he was worried, and it feels like a weight lifted off his chest when he sees that she’s okay. Because, he knew he had broken her heart, but the idea that he’d broken her spirit was too much. And when she didn’t show up to the class, that’s kind of how it felt. Like, maybe, he’d broken more than he knew.

But across the stacks, with her hair in a ponytail and her makeup on point, she looks happy. As happy as he can remember. And that’s enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @ arkadavinia


	3. We Grow Into Ourselves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Can I bring a friend,” Aaron asks, feeling like this too could be a test.  
>  Toby doesn’t deflate like Aaron expects and actually seems to perk up, maybe just because Aaron didn’t instantly say no. “Sure, if they like grungecore.”  
> “I don’t even know what that is,” Aaron tells him._  
> Or Aaron tries to be social, but has a crisis. Kevin is unintentionally not helpful. And then, they talk like adults.  
> Surprise appearance of 'the mom everyone wished they had' Betsy Dobson.  
> Also, references to 'Check Please' which I in no way own, but do adore, so you should read that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains heavy mentions of past homophobia, mental health issues and years and years of Aaron learning to handle his trauma. I hope it is believable for everyone and I in no way intend to offend everyone. We all have bad days, and so does Aaron Minyard (and me).

3.

“Are you busy tonight,” Toby asks in their Friday lecture, as class is winding down and the professor is looking for some handout for next week.

Aaron isn’t busy, outside of vague half plans for the weekend in general. They consist of homework, work Sunday morning, and probably some video games with Kevin at some point. Lying feels like cheating when he promised Mar, he’d fix this. “Not really,” he settles on, “Why?”

“There’s a show,” Toby tells him, and Aaron instantly wants to shut him down, “At that venue down on seventh street-”

“Where you got that black eye,” Aaron asks automatically.

Toby rolls his eyes and it’s nearly fond, “I can’t believe you remember that.”

“I literally met you with that black eye,” Aaron tell him.

“Glad it left an impression,” Toby tells him and literally winks. He’s not even being sly anymore, sometime in the last week he’s progressed to just flirting.

“You looked like an abuse victim,” Aaron tells him, “Of course it left an impression.”

Toby, somehow, thinks this is funny and laughs. Aaron sighs, put out but still amused despite himself. He really doesn’t understand how some people can hear his sardonic comments and think he’s funny. Aaron would be the first to call himself an asshole, but even Katelyn had like his dry humor once upon a time.

“Anyway,” Toby continues once he’s finished laughing, “I was going to meet a few friends there, if you want to come?” Aaron considers, feeling like this could be a trap, but could also be a chance to see if Toby is actually as weirdly interesting outside of class as he is in class.

“Can I bring a friend,” Aaron asks, feeling like this too could be a test.

Toby doesn’t deflate like Aaron expects and actually seems to perk up, maybe just because Aaron didn’t instantly say no. “Sure, if they like grungecore.”

“I don’t even know what that is,” Aaron tells him as their professor finally passes around the handout and dismisses them.

“Google it,” Toby commands and then heads for the door, “Doors are at 7. Text me if you think you’re coming. Later!”

Kevin’s night terrors are getting better already, but he’s been getting up at the ass crack of dawn even on the days when Aaron doesn’t for practice. So, Aaron isn’t surprised when Friday afternoon finds him passed out on the couch in front of the TV.

They need to go grocery shopping and Aaron should at least ask him about the show in a silent display of good faith to Mar. But standing at the end of the couch, looking down at him, Aaron also just wants to let him sleep.

Like Andrew and sleep, Kevin and sleep have had their share of issues. Aaron had only ever lived with him while he overcame them with vodka and exercise. This new, semi-adjusted Kevin is still in Aaron’s learning curve to navigate. So instead he mutes the TV, currently playing a soccer game and grabbing his laptop, slipping into the corner of the chaise he beings on some reading.

He almost laughs when he realizes he’s a nerd, doing homework on a Friday night. It felt cooler to be a nerd when Katelyn was being a nerd next to him.

Kevin wakes up a bit later and stretches so hard that he literally reaches his toes into Aaron’s hip. He pins Kevin with a flat look and ignores that he’s pretty sure he’s blushing from the small touch. It’s also been close to five months since someone has touched him really, outside of Mar or Sai patting his shoulder. And really, it’s just Kevin.

“Do you know what grungecore is,” Aaron asks, still not having googled. It involves mosh pits, that all he really needs to know to not care for it.

Kevin pins him with a quizzical look, “Is it food?”

“Jesus, Kevin,” Aaron snaps, “It’s music, you Neanderthal.”

Kevin shrugs, lifting his shirt to scratch at his stomach. Aaron does not look at the thin line of hair down from his navel. He does not. “Could have been a food,” Kevin says stretching again, toes once again digging into Aaron’s side and making him shift away.

“Will you stop that,” Aaron grouses.

Kevin yawns loudly still stretching, until suddenly he relaxes and seems to take up half as much space. “What about grungecore, though?”

Aaron grumbles, but answers, “A friend from class invited me to a show tonight. I don’t really want to go alone, though.”

“Where’s it at,” Kevin asks.

“A venue,” Aaron answers, realizing he doesn’t really know, “On seventh street.”

Kevin huffs a laugh, folding his arm over his eyes sleepily. “Sounds shady.”

Aaron shrugs, “Probably could be.”

Another minute later, Kevin adds, “I’d go.”

“We need to go to the grocery store,” Aaron tells him, instead.

“Tomorrow,” Kevin asks, then he lifts his arm from his eyes and looks at Aaron down the couch, down his body and Aaron is not thinking about this right now. “Do you want to go,” Kevin asks, “It’s your friend.”

“You want to go,” Aaron asks in return, skeptically.

Kevin shrugs somehow, laying down. “Be like old times,” he says.

The Alley, which was the name of the venue on seventh street, that Toby send him the address for when Aaron text him, is not like Eden’s. Eden’s is dark but neon and generally loud. The Alley is dark and hot and for a minute Kevin holds onto the back of Aaron’s shirt just inside the door.

While Kevin gets his bearings, Aaron looks around for Toby feeling Kevin’s fingers slowly relax on his back. When he finds Toby, he’s seated at the table with two other people, that Aaron only vaguely recognizes from classes.

Kevin’s hand eventually settles along his spine and Aaron turns to check on him. “They’re over there,” Aaron tells him and Kevin nods, following, with his hand still pressed to Aaron’s back.

Aaron stops next to Toby at the table and he’s glad the music is low enough that they can still make out what’s being said without yelling.

“Aaron,” Toby yells when he notices them, “You made it!”

Aaron gives a little wave, “Yeah, we did.”

“Holy shit,” the girl across from Toby suddenly says, her eyes on Kevin, “You’re Kevin Day.” Aaron recognizes her, kind of. Thinks her name is something like Marissa or Melissa. Kevin probably nods in reply and Aaron feels him shuffle just a bit closer. Toby is also staring at him like he’s star struck, so mosh pit fans and exy fans do probably overlap.

“Hello,” Kevin greets them, but Aaron knows he’s already uncomfortable and his public face isn’t slipping on quite right.

“Aaron,” Toby tells him, “You didn’t say you knew Kevin Day.”

“Yeah,” Aaron tells him, grumbling, “Life is usually easier before I say things like that.”

“Hi,” Marissa/Melissa says, smiling widely now and batting her eyelashes, “I’m Madeline James.”

Close enough, Aaron thinks.

Kevin is probably nodding, but he’s also clenching Aaron’s shirt again, so Aaron asks Toby, “Where is the bar?”

“Oh,” Toby says, and points in a general direction, to the right of the stage. Thankfully the room isn’t packed enough that it’s not visible where the bar is anyway.

“We’ll be back in a few minutes,” Aaron tells them and pulls Kevin’s hand from his shirt to drag him toward the bar. When they’re away from anyone who could matter, Aaron turn to him and using the collar of his hoodie pulls him down to eye level, cause _fuck Kevin for being tall_. “You good, or do we need to bail?”

Kevin shakes his head, and says, “Bar.” Aaron makes Kevin meet his eyes for another moment before nodding.

“Fine,” he allows, “But we’re not staying for the mosh pit.”

Kevin’s face pinches, “There’s a mosh pit.” He glances back at the table, when Toby, Madeline and their other friend sit, “But they looked so wholesome.”

“Yeah,” Aaron scoffs making for the bar, “They probably think the same thing about you.” Aaron orders three vodka shots and, downs the first one while Kevin downs the other two.

“I stopped drinking.” Kevin tells him, staring at the empty glasses.

“Before you moved in with me,” Aaron tries to joke.

Kevin looks at him, confused for a moment then shakes his head seriously, “No. before Thea and I broke up. She said it was probably a good idea. I thought, _sure_. So, I stopped.”

Aaron watches his face go through some complicated motions before he turns and looks out over the dark room, which as his eyes have adjusted, doesn’t seem as dark. “And,” he asks because Kevin started this story, and Aaron wants it finished.

“I hated it,” Kevin tells him, voice hard and serious like he’s talking about Exy. “I cut back to play professionally. But just being completely sober,” he shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s not so much of a crutch anymore, per say. It’s just a little bit freeing.”

“A social lubricant,” Aaron agrees.

Kevin nods in agreement and then a look of complete disgust crosses his face, before he buries his expression in his hands. Aaron almost feels concerned for a second.

“What,” he asks.

Kevin looks at him nearly horrified as he says, “I’ve been banned from dating.”

Now Aaron is just confused. “What?”

“My agent told me yesterday,” he continues, then pitches his voice high in what must be an impersonation of his agent, “Kevin, it will just look too desperate if you’re seen dating right after transferring teams. You have to keep your social footprint clean.”

Aaron laughs, “Jesus.”

“No,” Kevin tells him, sinking down on the barstool so they’re nearly the same height for the moment, “She’s more like Satan.” Aaron laughs again.

“Ready to try that again,” Aaron asks after a minute. Kevin looks across at the table again and then turns to orders two more shots. Aaron almost laughs again, but Kevin slides him one of the shots, waiting until Aaron picks it up to tap them together.

“Social Lubricant,” Kevin says and then down the shot.

“I don’t think you’re using this phrase right,” Aaron tells him and downs his own. Kevin stands and they begin back over to where Toby and company sit.

“I need to find out what this dating ban actually means,” Kevin muses as they travel, his hand once again finding Aaron’s back as he follows through the increasing push of people.

“Probably for the best,” Aaron agrees.

“There they are,” Toby calls as they approach, but Aaron knows they’ve probably been watching them at the bar the whole time. Kevin is still taller than most people in this room. “Again,” Toby adds as Aaron takes the empty seat at the table and Kevin grabs one from the table nearby, putting it on the same side of the square as Aaron’s.

“Shocker,” Aaron agrees, “We came back.”

Toby grins like he’s not sure if this is a joke.

Madeline’s eyes are latched onto Kevin from behind her large pair of boho glasses, “So, Kevin Day.” Kevin might have whimpered from behind Aaron, but Aaron does him the service of pretending to not hear it. “What got you traded to the Knights?”

“Oh god,” Aaron sighs, “They’re actually exy fans.”

“Fans is a strong word,” The other guy at the table tells him loudly, very loudly, well over the volume of the room. “Madeline is only in it for the sweaty guys and half time shows, and Toby is so new he hadn’t yet watched an entire preseason.”

Aaron turns to Toby, who smiles more sheepish now, “Not you, too.”

Toby laughs, and it is for sure flirtatious already. There’s a weird white and pink drink in front of him that Aaron doesn’t think he’s ever seen before. Toby shrugs when his giggles finally die down. “What can I say? I had to have some male-centric hobbies, or I would never keep a friend.” Other Guy lifts his large glass of what it probably beer in a pseudo cheers to this statement.

Kevin, however, immediately launches into the mechanics of his trade, much to Aaron’s horror and it really is like old times. Kevin a little bit drunk, talking about Exy, and Aaron wishing for another drink.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron say, not at all sorry and leaning across the table, “Who are you?”

Other Guy frowns at him. “Dominic,” he answers flatly, “We had three classes together last semester.”

“Right,” Aaron says, nodding softly and he hears Kevin snort behind him. “You’re in,” Aaron has no idea and guesses, “Pediatrics?”

“Neuro,” Dominic tells him. “Like you. We’re also in two classes together this semester. And Wednesday Lab.”

Aaron nods still slowly, not having any recollection of the guy across from him. Maybe he dresses differently in class. Not all, too tight shirt on a beer belly, kind of way, with the gauges and nose stud that is just barely visible in the low light, even now that Aaron’s eyes are more than adjusted.

“So,” Toby says suddenly, as if sensing tension between them, and Aaron turns to him. Kevin is still telling Madeline about the trade and moving, leaning drunkly against the table between then. “How do you know Kevin Day,” Toby asks quietly, leaning closer as if they’re sharing a secret, not something that is actually public knowledge.

“They went to college together,” Dominic tells him, still loudly. Louder than Aaron wishes he would be. Because losing some of his association with Palmetto State Exy team wasn’t the worst thing Chicago had done for Aaron’s life. “Do you listen to any of the bio’s I read to you,” Dominic tells Toby. Toby in turn looks back across the table at his other friend with a semi-fond expression.

And, Aaron gets it.

This is a triangle.

A very awkward triangle.

Kevin has stopped talking and when Aaron glances at him, he’s pretty sure even Kevin is catching on.

Madeline, for her part, sighs heavily before catching Aaron’s gaze and dramatically rolling her eyes toward the ceiling. He figures Madeline is probably okay. Then she turns back to Kevin. “Is Jack Greene actually a hard ass,” she asks, and Aaron loses a little bit of the solidarity between them.

“Oh, not at all,” Kevin tells him, and Aaron listens, “He’s actually really good. And super helpful. He’s big into organizing team bonding things too, which is pretty nice, since I know none of them and they’ve all been playing together for a few years now.” Aaron knows nothing about Kevin’s team. And Madeline seems to know exactly the questions to ask to set him off on tangents. He’s not sure why it bothers him when he realizes it.

“You played exy, Aaron,” Toby asks when Kevin actually has to pause to breathe, bet yet again, he leans closer like this isn’t a table discussion. Like it’s a ‘ _you boys_ ’ discussion. Aaron puts off answering.

“He wasn’t very good,” Kevin cuts in to answer Toby, “Matt Boyd, who got signed to the New York Lions was better, but he was a good starter.”

Aaron can’t decide between being insulted or taking this as a compliment, so instead he stares down the table, feeling like he’s probably flushing in something like embarrassment, before, standing and turning back toward the bar. “I’m getting another drink.”

No one says anything as he leaves.

He downs another vodka shot standing at the bar and is working up to a second when he feels Kevin slid into the stool next to him.

“Don’t talk,” Aaron instructs, and he hears Kevin huff a short laugh, “I hate you less when you don’t talk.” He’s not sure if he’s joking, but Kevin doesn’t test him. He shuffles around on the barstool and Aaron knows he’s probably staring at him, sitting entirely too close.

He’s making that triangle at the table a square and Aaron isn’t sure how he feels about this.

They do two shots together, before the room starts to heat, or maybe it’s just Kevin moving closer. Or the vodka. Probably just the vodka.

Until Kevin’s finger hooks into his belt loop and Aaron feels him tug.

He tries to glare when their eyes meet, but Kevin is wearing a drunk smirk and leaning too close, “Your friends are staring.”

“They’re no longer my friends,” Aaron tells him instead, “I mean, really. Toby is the only one I actually know. And Mar says I need to let him down harder.”

Kevin snorts, “What does that mean?”

“I’m trying to tell him I’m not gay interested in him, but like, he’s pretty much the only friend I managed to keep out of the break up but that’s probably just because he thinks he wants to date me,” Aaron tells him, feeling the vodka swirl in his stomach and words vomit out his mouth.

Kevin is still smirking, but asks, “You brought me along to hang out with a guy who wants to date you?”

Aaron rolls his eyes, “You’re a social lubricant.”

Kevin frowns, “You’re right- I don’t think we’re using that phrase right.”

“How do I tell a nice guy I’m not interested,” Aaron demands next, cutting to the point.

Kevin’s face is doing something complicated, “Tell him your straight?”

“But what if I’m not,” Aaron powers through, and Kevin’s frown reaches a new height, so Aaron repeats, “What if I’m not?”

Kevin doesn’t answer for a minute and Aaron just stares at him. All olive skin, frowning green eyes and pouting lips and five vodka shots is apparently what it takes for Aaron to think about this a little bit.

“Then,” Kevin begins hesitantly, still frowning pretty severally, “You tell him you’re not interested.”

“And if I am,” Aaron asks, playing devil’s advocate for some reason that feels right, “What’s that other saying- ‘don’t knock it till you try it’?”

Kevin looks at the bar next to them and his eyes count the empty shot glasses in front of him. “How drunk are you,” he asks, probably rhetorically, but his finger is still in Aaron’s belt loops and he might be pulling him closer in near fright.

“Drunk enough to be socially lubricated,” Aaron jokes, laughing stiltedly. “Mar married the only man she was ever attracted to,” Aaron tells him suddenly.

“Who is Mar,” Kevin asks suddenly, still frowning like he’s not sure what he’s actually supposed to be doing with this conversation.

“She owns my coffee shop,” Aaron tells him, waving the question away between them, and doesn’t want for him to catch up again. “But Mar has only been with women otherwise. How would she have known if she hadn’t followed her gut and dated Allen?”

“ _Allen_ ,” Kevin asks, and it sounds so pained, but Aaron doesn’t answer this time.

“What if I need to find an Allen,” Aaron poises.

“Or what if you’re just straight and were with Katelyn for five years and need to just try dating again,” Kevin tells him, sounding only a modicum less terrified and nearly over this conversation. “Just because your single doesn’t mean you have to have a gay panic, Aaron,” he continues, and Aaron looks at him. Kevin is in super serious mode again.

But this statement makes Aaron feel nearly jilted. He can’t puzzle over why while this level of drunk, even if it isn’t a very high level of drunk.

He hears his voice when it comes, and he’s not sure when he came to this conclusion, “What if Katelyn was my Allen?”

Kevin, for an alarming minute, looks pissed.

And then he deflates with a heavy sigh and his head tucks into Aaron’s shoulder, the hand in his belt loop pulling him just a bit closer with only the two points of contact. His hair smells like shampoo they bought when they went to the grocery store last weekend.

“You’re not gay, Aaron,” Kevin tells him, breath puffing against Aaron’s shirt warmly.

“I might be a little bit,” Aaron argues back with no real inflection. He believes it but saying it out loud makes him feel exposed and, somehow, a bit ashamed. Kevin sighs against him again and then leans back abruptly. “We’re leaving,” Kevin announces, and the promptly drags Aaron back to the table where Toby and the others are waiting, once again watching as they walk up.

“Hey guys,” Kevin tells them and it’s his press voice, “I’m sorry, I just found out about a meeting I have early tomorrow, so we’re going to take off.”

“Well that’s bad timing,” Madeline says, not at all sounding upset like Aaron thought she would. But her eyes are narrowed, fixed on where Aaron is nearly tucked into Kevin’s side, and Kevin’s hand is still trapped in Aaron’s beltloop.

Toby most of all looks crestfallen and finds Aaron’s gaze, “You’re not staying?”

“Uh,” Aaron says.

“No,” Kevin says, answering for him, “We’re leaving.”

And Toby smiles, glancing up at Kevin now, probably for the first time. “Well, have a good night. I’ll see you on Monday, Aaron.”

“Night,” Kevin says, and all but swings Aaron bodily around toward the door.

Once they’re outside, Aaron nearly shoves him away, “I can walk, you know.” Just to spite himself, he trips on a crack in the sidewalk and stumbles. He probably would have fallen if Kevin didn’t grab his arm and stead him.

“Obviously,” Kevin sighs, letting go once they’re both making steady strides down the sidewalk back toward their apartment.

A thick silence descends on them and Aaron doesn’t like it. “Too much,” he asks, as they enter their building. Kevin huffs in front of him and punches the elevator ‘Up’ button.

The apartment is tense all weekend.

Aaron tries to make jokes about it while making breakfast. Kevin glares at him over his coffee and then retreats to his room. Shortly after that he leaves with his gym bag and doesn’t come back before Aaron’s stomach is growling for dinner.

Aaron does get a decent amount of homework and reading done though, so that should count as a win. He gets up for Mar’s in the morning and can’t figure out if Kevin even came home.

When he gets back from his shift on Sunday, Kevin is back from wherever, and there’s a flat wooden desk in the corner under the window, complete with a plush rolling chair and plastic mat. Aaron stares at it for a while before Kevin appears out of his room.

“Hey,” Kevin greets, like nothing unusual is happening and Aaron glares at him.

Part of him wants to ask. It begs him to demand a curt ‘ _what the fuck, Kevin_ ’. Because this is obviously a diversion from whatever happened at the venue.

But Aaron pauses, and then also chooses the high road.

“Where did this come from,” he asks neutrally.

Kevin, as anticipated, shrugs and looks at it, “Most people have desks, right?”

Aaron finds many follow up questions to this. Like: who the hell are most people? Or: when have you needed a desk lately, Kevin? Even: did you buy me a desk to distract from the conversation where you accused me of having a gay panic?

Instead, he says, “So, you got a desk?”

Kevin shrugs again, and Aaron can see it becoming a diversion itself, in his stupid muscle tank that he wears to the gym. It shows all of his shoulders and most of his sides, and this isn’t a gay panic. Aaron is pretty convinced he’s into dudes. At least a little bit.

“You said studying on the chaise gave you a pain in your neck,” Kevin reasons.

“I said studying is a pain in my neck, while sitting on the couch,” Aaron snaps, “It’s a euphemism, damnit.”

Kevin nods like ‘sure it is’.

Aaron rolls his eyes, “Thanks for the desk.”

Kevin shrugs yet again, moving passed him and into the kitchen, “I might use it too.”

Aaron sighs deeply and stares at the ceiling, trying to tell himself that this is fine. They don’t have to talk about it.

It is not a gay panic, Aaron tells himself over the following week, it’s a bisexual panic.

He’d refuse to say it admit it, but he reads blogs. Lots of blogs, over the week. Personal experiencing that people broadcast as they went through their ‘sexual awakenings’ or ‘sexual identity adventures’.

It’s not the first time. He’d read a few back at Palmetto, after a particularly rough month with Bee when they finally started _talking_ , and talking about Tilda.

Aaron wasn’t particularly proud of who he has been. A drug addict, a victim, and never forget, a murderer. And those were the main one’s people might have seen, along with, of course, asshole. But Aaron was less proud of his and Nicky’s early relationship.

He doesn’t know what Katelyn saw in him back then, really.

When Nicky was beat on the sidewalk and Andrew nearly killed four men, Aaron thought it served him right. Flaunting anything other than a heterosexual identity was just asking for an attack. No one was okay with that, right? That’s what Tilda taught him.

Kevin is still pretending that they’re okay, and he doesn’t comment when Aaron finally comes out of his room, Thursday evening. Aaron doesn’t want to know what he looks like. Because he feels terrible. He feels like a dirty pile of shame trash, which isn’t new. But he can imagine that it probably doesn’t look good from the outside.

Aaron calls Mar and tells her he’s not feeling well, and she probably already knew, because she tells him she’ll see him on Tuesday next week, and Aaron doesn’t even fight about giving up his Sunday shift, too.

He emails Bee and she tells him to Skype her in an hour.

He’s not sure what actually happens to that hour, but when his computer rings, set up on the stupid ‘we’re-not-fighting-desk’, Aaron realizes that Kevin has been shuffling around in the kitchen aimlessly and watching him. He wonders if he’s moved, but his eyes feel fuzzy, so he was probably zoning out.

It’s probably the first show of their standoff, when Aaron answers the Skype call in the living room, knowing Kevin is watching. He says, “Hi Bee,” and Kevin’s face does some complicated moves.

“Hello, Aaron,” she says, in that same damn pacifying voice that had probably coaxed him out of more than a handful of pitfalls. “Rough week,” she asks.

Aaron nods, tucking his chin on his knee and focusing on her on the computer screen.

“Do you want to tell me about it,” she asks, and Kevin- fucking Kevin- moves from the island finally and ducks into his room. Aaron doesn’t ask him to close the door, but it is easier without seeing him.

“Schools fine,” he says, and Bee smiles.

“So, we’re at a sixty, would you say,” she asks.

Maybe it was stupid, but Bee had realized that Aaron did well with percentages. Putting a number on his mood somehow made it seem more manageable. Aaron hums in answer, thinking about it, “Probably a forty,” he answers, “I called off work for tomorrow and the shop owner, Mar, gave me Sunday off too.” He feels himself smile, “She’s pretty cool.”

“Sounds like she is,” Bee agrees, “Do you get along well?”

Aaron stops, because they do, but isn’t Mar a catalyst here? He rubs a hand over his face and then tucks his chin against his knee again. Bee waits, like always. “She’s,” he tries to find the words. “This isn’t her fault,” Aaron insists and Bee’s eyebrow just barely pinches, “I think she sees a lot of herself in me, maybe. She’s funny, and she thinks I’m funny and maybe we _are_ similar.”

Bee waits, and like always its somewhere between pressing and pressuring.

“She told me about her husband when she hired me. He worked for Chicago General before he retired as a professor at CMS,” he explains, “So Mar tries to hire CMS students who need work in some kind of homage.”

Bee hums and nods, showing all her active listening skills.

“After the breakup,” Aaron glosses over this part, “Toby, a guy from my physics class, let me crash on his couch and then hooked me up with Mar’s and I owed him, I guess.” He glosses over this part too, but Bee sees it with a slight lift of her brow, “I got him lunch and we’re even now. But I think he might have thought it was, like, a date.” Bee’s brow smooths just barely. “Mar was trying to be helpful, but she told me that I need to let him down harder,” Aaron explains some more, but then stops. Not sure how to go on.

Bee waits, probably having figured out at this point that Aaron has no idea what kind of guidance he needs, but even just talking is bringing him out of the weird rut he’d been feeling. Until he remembers Nicky. And Aaron’s shame-trash stomach come roaring back.

“I think,” Aaron starts, still not even sure what he thinks, but he fixes his eyes on the painting behind Bee’s desk and makes himself talk, “Being with Kate made it easier to avoid thinking about it. About how hard being with anyone else would be.”

Bee lets him digest his own words, before she presses on, “How are you coping with the end of your relationship.”

She doesn’t say leaving Katelyn, but Aaron feels like that’s what she’s said. “You mean, leaving Katelyn,” he asks, because she’d told him to, a long time again. ‘ _Words can only express emotions if we say what we mean_ ’, and all that bullshit. Bee smiles. But Aaron feels lighter when he says, “Okay, I think. I saw her last week. In the library. She switched classes and I didn’t know, which kind of flipped me out.” He stops, remembering that Kevin is probably listening, or even if he’s not Aaron means to say, “Really flipped me out.”

“Do you understand why,” Bee asks, and this line of questioning feels easier but freeing.

“Closure, I think,” Aaron answers, “I was working up to see her for the first time and when she didn’t show I was worried she dropped the class, or out of school. Maybe because of the breakup. Like, I had done that,” Bee’s brow pinches so Aaron affirms, “Not that it wouldn’t have been her choice or that I had made her somehow.” He stops to take a breath and realign what he wants to say, “But I wanted to know that she was okay. That she was moving on. So that I didn’t have to feel any kind of shitty if I moved on, too.” He laughs pointedly and Bee grins a bit more on the other side of the computer.

But then she moves onto the zinger, “Do you feel you’re moving on?”

Aaron stops, maybe freezes and he knows Bee sees it. But he’s thinking about Toby and _fucking_ Kevin, and how Mar’s sexuality didn’t actually change how he saw her now and he hated that he felt good for not being a completely volatile person.

“Mar,” he says instead, knowing he’s probably zoning out again, eyes still trained on the screen, but not seeing it. “She’s a lesbian.”

Bee waits, brows pressed together and watching his conflict.

“I feel shitty,” he says slowly, voice pitched low in shame, “For being proud, that I don’t feel different about her knowing that.”

Bee sighs quietly. Pressing, but just pressuring enough.

“She thought I was gay when she hired me,” he adds, “I didn’t know, until she told me to let Toby down.” He’s still processing, like a computer showing its percentage loading.

“Is this why you feel you’re at a forty,” Bee asks instead.

Aaron shrugs. “Not that she thought I was gay, no.”

He can’t bring himself to say, ‘it’s because I know she was partially right.’

He can’t bring himself to say, ‘it’s because I don’t deserve her being kind to me.’

He can’t bring himself to say, ‘I am a shitty hateful human, who hates himself, too.’

Bee waits for a minute and he’s not sure what his face does, but her brow pinches a little more and she frowns. Maybe this is the moment where Aaron remembers why she had fired herself from being his actual therapist. Because she sighs and her eyes dart around her office. “Aaron,” she insists, voice too emotional for once, nearly exasperated, “I would hug you if you were here.”

He laughs softly and feels a lump in his throat clench and burn.

“Both of you,” She says, voice soft, “You are your own harshest critics.” Aaron feels his eyes swim and her image blur when he’s pretty sure he’s close to crying. He sits back in the stupid ‘we’re-not-fighting-chair’ and catches sight of Kevin in his doorway. Their gazes lock and Aaron, at least in this, isn’t ashamed or devastated. It might be the one time that he feels so close to okay that he blinks and cries quietly without breaking eye contact.

Bee sighs again, and Aaron looks down to watch her rub at her own eyes, then she says, “You can never heal if you don’t know what’s hurt and you can never heal if you _don’t let yourself_.”

Aaron recognizes her words from countless other times they’ve talked about this same thing, and they still hit something profound in his gut.

She smiles at him across the webcam and they’re both done crying already and continues, “I’m not your doctor anymore,” she tells him, and sniffles, “But if I were, I would probably tell you that this process takes time, and you’ve come so far.” She smiles conspiratorially, “I would not tell you that I love you like my own child, and that I wish I could erase all of this doubt and hate for you.” She smiles and Aaron knows he’s blushing. “Thank you,” she says, “For everything you said today. And everything you may be ready to say tomorrow. And the next day.” This is something else she’d started saying after she fired herself, because Aaron knew it meant she could see how much he was struggling.

Lastly, she says, “Call me tomorrow?”

Aaron nods, because he feels like it, “Tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Aaron,” she says, and he disconnects the call.

Kevin is silent across the room, and Aaron feels raw. Like his skin is rearranging and, maybe this is part of growing up, or into yourself. Maybe your skin has to rearrange.

“Sorry for listening,” Kevin says, quietly, head leaning against his doorframe and face somewhere between what Aaron thinks is either shock or disbelief.

Kevin probably never got a good look at Shame-Trash Aaron at Palmetto. Matt did though. And Nicky, which was a completely different story.

“If I didn’t want you to listen, I would have gone to my room,” Aaron tells him, and Kevin’s face is decidedly more shocked now. Aaron closes his computer and tries to talk himself into doing homework or something constructive, but he knows he’s mentally on empty. “Do you want to watch a movie?” he asks and Kevin fumbles for a minute.

“Sure,” he settles on and Aaron nods before ducking into his room.

He only hesitates for a minute before grabbing his comforter and pillow and heading back out to the couch. Kevin looks at him mildly amused and beings to scroll through the channels, listing options as he goes. When Aaron arranges his pillow against his side though, Kevin stops talking. Pulling his comforter over himself, Aaron lays down, head on his pillow against Kevin’s thigh.

“Just pick a movie, Day,” Aaron instructs and pulls his comforter around himself a bit tighter. Kevin picks some action movie and Aaron probably falls asleep after ten minutes. He wakes up when Kevin moves, adjusting himself lower on the couch with a quiet apology.

He sleeps until dinner and Kevin finally stops pretending that they’re okay.

When he wakes up, the room is dark and the TV is off, but Kevin’s leg is still under his pillow. Aaron stretches and rolls onto his back. Kevin’s chin has just enough stubble on it that he looks human, and obviously related to David Wymack. His head is tilted back at nearly a painful looking angle, just barely bracing it against the wall, and his arms are spread along the back of the couch.

From where his head is laying in the other man’s lap, Aaron thinks, for just a moment, that Kevin looks huge like this.

“You know,” Kevin says, and Aaron nearly startles, “You were always a quiet drunk.” Aaron, if he were more awake, probably would have found this funny. “But sometimes,” Kevin continues, “You would say the most ridiculous things.”

“Alcohol is reported to cause a lack of brain to mouth filter,” Aaron tells him, voice still sleepy sounding, but he doesn’t feel as raw.

Kevin nods, even with his head at this weird angle, “It sure did for you.” He huffs a laugh, “One time, in my fifth year, we were at Eden’s and you started explaining the ovarian cycle, I think, or it at least involved the ovaries.” He laughs, but Aaron has no idea when this would have been. “You told me about the difference between parasites and bacteria another time. Lots of weird biology topics,” Kevin tells him, sounding amused and possibly fond.

Aaron tries to imagine when he would have been drunk before Kevin for Kevin to remember these things and Aaron not, and comes up blank.

Kevin continues, voice lower, “But one time, you told me that ecstasy feels worse than morphine.” Aaron feels his chest freeze and his heart stop. Kevin only pauses for a moment, probably feeling Aaron panic, even through the pillow between them, “You got really drunk that night.” Aaron hears him swallow against whatever he’s feeling.

“I don’t do those,” Aaron tries to tell him, but Kevin quickly cuts him off.

“I know,” Kevin insists, urgently, “Even drunk out of your mind, you always called them Tilda’s. You even told me that you didn’t do them anymore, while drunk. I know, Aaron.” His voice is level and calming and Aaron feels just a bit of his panic recede. “I just,” Kevin sighs. “I’m sorry,” he says, softly, “I think I forgot after this long. I think I forgot that we were all messed up in different ways.”

Aaron bites back his immediate urge to insist he wasn’t, or isn’t, messed up. Kevin heard him talk to Bee earlier. He brings his hands up from under the comforter to rub at his face, feeling the tension of the last week again.

“One time,” Kevin continues, laughing again, “You tried to explain to me why colors exist.” Aaron snorts despite himself.

“Did it work,” he asks, trying to puzzle out how he would have even gone about that.

“No,” Kevin laughs too, “God, no. I have no idea what you were talking about. But you just kept insisting my eyes were only green because of _science_.” Aaron feels himself flush in secondhand embarrassment, even having no recollection of this conversation, because. Kevin’s eyes are really green.

“Oh,” he grumbles. But Kevin is smiling now, Aaron can see it even in the dark room. “What time is it,” he asks, not wanting to move.

Kevin hums, “Late.” Aaron rolls his eyes and nearly asks again, but Kevin continues, saying, “I’m sorry.”

“For what,” Aaron asks, quietly again.

The dark room feels like a bubble suddenly, where what they’re saying means more than anything outside of it.

“For the other night,” Kevin answers, “For what I said. For thinking it might have just been another drunk Aaron moment.” Aaron lets him pause and then Kevin looks down at him and grins, probably trying to instill some levity in their bubble, “I’m sorry. You can panic if you want to.”

Aaron huffs, thinking about the weight of his words. “It’s not a panic,” he says, looking into Kevin’s eyes and probably grinning back, “At least, it’s not a panic _anymore_.”

There’s a heavy moment, and then Kevin nods once, then says, “I don’t want you to think you can’t talk to me.” Aaron’s brain short circuits at this statement and he must tense because Kevin sighs, “We live together, Aaron. And I would prefer to never have another week like this if I can help it.”

“Oh,” Aaron snaps, sardonic brain kicking in, “You mean how we were fine, and now have a desk, because ‘most people have desks’.”

Kevin sighs heavily and leans his head back against the wall, “I deserved that.”

“I tried to talk about it that morning,” Aaron insists again.

Kevin huffs instantly, but the bubble feels broken, the tension already dissipating between them when he replies, “You said ‘so about that gay conversation’ as if that were some kind of segue. That’s not a segue, that’s self-deprecating to both of us.”

And Aaron pauses again. “Both of us?”

Kevin stills, and then snaps, “Have you been under a rock for the last two years?”

Aaron shrugs, leaning up into his pillow and by default Kevin’s thigh. Which feels like a boulder of muscle.

Instead of explaining, Kevin sighs, “Both of us, Aaron.”

And Aaron has the decency to know what he should say here. He sighs, “Oh, sorry.”

“It was Thea’s idea,” Kevin says, probably gearing up to explain.

“She seems to have had a lot of those,” Aaron grumbles and Kevin thankfully laughs.

“She did, yes,” he says and then he sighs, “And deciding that our relationship should be more open was one of them.”

“Are you telling me your girlfriend wanted to have threesomes,” Aaron asks, feeling very conflicted with this course of the conversation.

Kevin shakes his head, still leaning against the wall, “No, not threesomes. Just that she wanted to see other people sexually when we didn’t see each other for months at a time, and.” Kevin stops, and then lifts his arm to rub at his temple. “I mean, I kind of understood. Though I’m sure I took advantage of the agreement much less than she did.”

“But you did,” Aaron asks, somehow fascinated and simultaneously horrified.

“Yeah,” Kevin sighs, “Very few were more than one-time hookups, and management took a lot of care to make sure nothing was released to the press, but. I did.”

Something in his voice makes Aaron just leave the statement as it is. He thought it sounded a bit like remorse, or regret, and probably pain.

“But,” Kevin adds, “Either way, we broke up and that’s in the past.”

Aaron can’t help it when he asks, “What’s that like?”

Kevin turns and frowns down at him again, “What’s what like?”

“Sleeping with someone you don’t know,” Aaron asks, quietly, feeling a bit foolish.

Kevin doesn’t laugh, like Aaron thinks he might, instead he looks up at the ceiling and frowns. “Pointless, really.”

Monday, Toby looks at him like a kicked puppy before facing forward in his seat and ignoring Aaron for a solid ten minutes. A few minutes before class is supposed to start, Aaron leans forward and taps his chair. Toby startles and whips back to face him. Aaron tries to smile and not grimace.

“Hey,” he says, and Toby is still just staring at him, “Sorry, about last week.” He’s not sure for what exactly, since he’d lost the week in a near fugue state and he’d actually skipped class on Friday. “I really wasn’t feeling great last week, so sorry for being an ass.”

It’s probably the first time Aaron can remember, but Toby actually glares at him. “We’re friends, Aaron,” Toby demands, and Aaron is now the one staring, “Friends don’t treat friends like shit.”

Aaron grins, because he knows this is probably something he needed to hear. “I know,” he says, “And I’m sorry.” It’s probably playing with fire, but he says, “I owe you lunch again.”

Toby flushes and his freckles seems to pop against the red tint. _He’s kind of cute_ , Aaron thinks and tries to look bashful until Toby finally nods.

“Damn right you do,” he says and then turns back toward the front of the classroom.

“This is not letting him down,” Mar says, when Toby shows up at the end of his shift again on Tuesday. Aaron shrugs and tried to look convincing. Mar frowns at him and he knows it’s not working. “You’re going to hurt this poor boy,” Mar says quietly, away from the customers near the counter, “So don’t come crying to me when it happens.”

“I’m trying to not hurt him, Mar,” Aaron insists, “I’m trying to make up for already having hurt him.”

Mar snorts quaintly, “By leading him on?”

“By letting him go,” Aaron tells her, and then slips out from behind the counter to where Toby is waiting.

They go the same diner and make the same small talk about classes, but when Aaron gets the check, he sighs.

“Toby, look,” Aaron starts and Toby cuts him off with a wave of his hand.

“It’s okay,” Toby tells him, “I get it.”

Aaron blinks at him, “Get what?”

“This is a pity date and you were about to tell me you aren’t interested,” Toby sighs heavily and smiles at him softly, “Which I already knew.”

Aaron isn’t sure what to say, so he continues to stare at him dumbly.

“I mean, if Kevin Day were into me, I’d clear the rest of my plate too,” Toby tells him with a small laugh. And Aaron feels himself frown.

“Kevin and I are friends,” Aaron corrects him.

Toby literally snorts, and it’s so cute and wholesome that Aaron wishes he could get into this guy, “Sure, and Nursey and Dex hate each other.”

“I have no idea what that reference means,” Aaron tells him.

Toby huffs at him and stares at him in return for a minute. Then his face falls and he looks almost sad. “Oh god,” he says, “You really didn’t know.”

“Kevin and I are just friends,” Aaron tells him again, in a huff.

Toby frowns harder, looking confused, “Did you decided that, too?” Aaron makes their confused faces match, as Toby adds, “Like how you decided this was a pity date?”

Aaron freezes and feels his face fall.

Unintentionally, he remembers their bubble of darkness the week prior.

Toby suddenly smiles just a touch, “At least I can say I got friend-zoned by the same guy as Kevin Day now.”

Aaron buries his face in his hands and groans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent more time editing the chapter summaries than I do editing this story. Might need Beta Help.  
>  _Ayudame, por favor._  
>  tumblr @ arkadavinia


	4. "This one time, You Changed Me."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The door was locked securely and neither of them were alone. This was usually when Aaron would just talk, because they were safe._  
>  Short Interlude: Kevin has feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short bit this week. Figured Kevin has some es-planing to do.  
> It's been _a week _.__  
>  If this were a song fic, this chapter could be read alongside "Erase" by FRND, in case anyone wanted to know.

4.

One night in beginning of Aaron’s third year at Palmetto, he was drunk in the dorms, which wasn’t uncommon. But Matt and Nicky were both out with the girls, and Katelyn had study group, so he and Kevin were alone.

And Aaron was talking. Kevin wasn’t really sure what he was talking about, but he kept using works like social advancement and learning gaps. The door was locked securely and neither of them were alone. This was usually when Aaron would just talk, because they were safe.

One time, when he was drunk, Aaron told Kevin that this felt safe. That Kevin felt safe. Kevin hadn’t told him, and Aaron didn’t remember, but Kevin had never forgot.

They’d all slowed down on the drinks since the hell of Neil’s first year, so when Aaron got drunk like this, it wasn’t uncommon for him to not remember most of what he’d said. If he asked, Kevin would tell him, but he never asked.

Aaron stopped talking and Kevin turned so their gazes locked.

“Your eyes are green because of science,” Aaron tells him very seriously, Kevin laughs as he usually wouldn’t outside of these moments. Aaron goes on, “It’s the difference in the spacing of the molecules and how the light refracts off of them as they vibrate, and then bounces back into my eyes and vibrates. The wavelength of the vibration makes me see the color as it refracts in my eye. It’s science.” As he said this, Aaron leans closer, like he thought he would be able to see it. Kevin, also a bit passed drunk had hummed and smiled, because this was a ridiculous topic, but the movie that was playing on the TV had lost his interest a while ago.

Especially when Aaron leans closer and their lips touch. Kevin blinks at him as Aaron pulls back quickly and stares into Kevin’s eyes again.

“It’s a very specific green,” Aaron tells him again, like he hadn’t just kissed him.

Kevin does not panic, but does turn his head back toward the movie, and Aaron goes on to relate this to the color of the sky and the composition of those atoms. And Kevin never forgets that Aaron thought his eyes were a very specific green as he kissed him.

Especially, months later, during the trials, when Aaron is once again drunk out of this mind. Kevin knows he’s sad this time, when he keeps explaining court processes and how posthumous cases are so stupid.

“What does it actually solve,” Aaron demands.

Kevin answers, because it makes him feel better, “Closure?” He’s only had one glass to Aaron’s five, and he knows better than to start an argument.

“Closure,” Aaron snaps, leaning up from where he’d been laid across Matt’s couch, his legs in Kevin’s lap. Aaron touched him more when he was drunk too, not that Kevin really minded. Kevin was safe, with the door locked and a drunk Aaron trying to reason out the world next to him. “Closure does nothing when he’s already dead,” Aaron says, sounding spiteful.

He’d already exhausted his rant about how Aaron was the one who killed him. The entire week, Kevin can’t remember Aaron saying Drake’s name once.

Kevin saw it coming this time, when drunk Aaron swayed into his space and his eyes locked onto Kevin’s lips. He would be a liar if he said his heart rate didn’t kick up just watching. “It’s stupid,” Aaron tells him and then sways into his space more.

Kevin spent weeks kicking himself for it after, but he let it happen, even knowing he shouldn’t. But when Aaron’s lips met his, Kevin met them back, for a beat and then another. Before Aaron pulled back, tilted his head and did it again, leaning into him and taking whatever Kevin gave. There was an ache in him, back then, for this kind of connection. For a connection or a closeness. So, Kevin did give a lot for the less than two-minute make out session, before Aaron leaned back, frowned and then turned toward the bathroom.

It wasn’t a minute later that he could hear Aaron vomiting and followed him into the bathroom.

Kevin couldn’t remember a time before that when he’d been conflicted like this. Or later in life when he looked back, had felt in any way similar, until he was sitting on their couch in Chicago, years later and he was telling Aaron about how he’d tried to convince Kevin his eyes were ‘green because of science’, when there was more to the story.

But it wasn’t really the point that he was trying to make, and Kevin was still processing Aaron’s sexuality in his head. Because even when they’d kissed, Kevin had known Aaron was straight. They made out and then Aaron slept the next day away in Katelyn’s room, none the wiser.

Kevin had _known_ Aaron was straight, was the point.

And now Aaron was telling him he was wrong, and Kevin was processing too.

Because Kevin Day is not straight. Maybe part of the issue with his relationship with Thea came down to how he’d gotten used to sleeping with men, when they were apart. Which had also been Thea’s idea, since there was no risk of getting another man pregnant for that scandal to ever take place.

After she’d said that, Kevin slept with a woman out of spite. It left him feeling ashamed and, go figure, they’d had a fight about it shortly after.

But Aaron seemed to be processing too, Kevin realized, as he kept his distance after their talk early Friday morning. And just because Aaron wasn’t straight and kissed him while drunk a few years ago, didn’t mean Aaron wanted any kind of relationship with Kevin, he figured.

And Kevin had long ago realized that he would probably never want anything but a relationship with Aaron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @ Arkadavinia


	5. We Grow Into This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Aaron rolls his eyes, fighting down a blush, “No, it looks fine. But who enjoys wearing a suit?”_  
>  _Kevin grins his press smile, “Suits are never for the pleasure of those wearing them.”_  
>  Aaron ventures into Self-Exploration. Kevin starts the Exy season.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the change in rating. If you don't you, will very shortly into this chapter.  
> If sexual themes are not your thing... I'm not sure what to say. Maybe stop reading until chapter 9-ish. Which I will in no way encourage, but will honestly say, growing in all senses of the subject are part of this story. Including intimately and sexually.  
> In other news, happy Friday, and I guess valentine's day for those who celebrate. I have the flu currently. So. There's that.  
> 

5.

Aaron, processes Toby’s accusation for about a day before realizing that he may be correct. He’s actually sitting at the desk when he realizes it, and suddenly feels really stupid. Oblivious. _Braindead_ , Andrew would probably say. And then he pointedly stops thinking about Andrew.

So, Aaron says nothing to Kevin, and goes about processing. Because Kevin is his roommate now, and should he be wrong, Aaron has no wish to move for a third time in this year. He reads more blogs, and spends too much time studying and working, and nearly misses the beginning of the exy season in the middle of October.

It’s Thursday afternoon, when Aaron gets back from class and the couch is covered in suits.

“Kevin,” he calls, still looking over the suits, and gets no answer. Kevin’s door is open though, but through it, Aaron can see that the bathroom in his room is closed. He puts down his backpack and is still pulling out his homework when Kevin emerges from his room.

In a towel.

Aaron is still processing, but his loading bar gains a few percent.

“Is our couch going on a date,” Aaron asks him, trying for levity.

Kevin frowns at him, “I have the opening tonight.”

Aaron’s levity switches to feeling like an ass, “I forgot.”

Kevin is still frowning, “Did I tell you?”

Aaron sighs, “No, but still.”

Kevin shakes his head and gestures to the suits, “Opinions?”

Aaron points to the charcoal with a skinny black tie and Kevin takes it back into his room while Aaron tries to speed name every visible muscle in his back. Kevin returns a few minutes later without the suit jacket on, and the tie loose around his neck.

“Do you have a watch I can borrow,” Kevin asks.

Aaron stands and makes for his room, saying, “So you can count down the minutes you have left to be in that suit.” Aaron’s watch is silver and simple, but also loose on him, so Kevin may stand a chance of it not destroying his wrist.

Kevin is frowning down at his suit pants when Aaron returns to the living room, “I don’t think it looks that bad.” He snaps the silver band closed with no issue and hums.

Aaron rolls his eyes, fighting down a blush, “No, it looks fine. But who enjoys wearing a suit?”

Kevin grins his press smile, “Suits are never for the pleasure of those wearing them.”

Aaron quietly agrees, as Kevin turns back into his room, charcoal pants nicely tailored to his ass. “Makes sense,” he says.

Kevin leaves shortly after that for his event, and out of curiosity, Aaron flips on the TV for background noise onto the sports channel he assumes may be covering the event. He settled in with his laptop on the couch to entertain himself.

But he’s distracted and processing and when he starts through them again, his blogs are coming up with nothing new. Until he reaches one comment, which reads, ‘porn solves everything.’ Aaron stares at the line of text for about three minutes before he hums and opens a new tab.

It’s not the first time he’s thought about it. And he’s not panicking at the idea, so this has to be progress, Aaron decides.

His go to porn site is pretty tame but has the category system he usually overlooks. When it loads though, he realizes how long it’s been since he’s looked at porn.

Breakups are rough, he decides, realizing that his lack of masturbation could probably be attributed to that. He scrolls for a minute, mindlessly venturing through the ‘big tit woman takes it’ and ‘BBC in MILF’ previews, which honestly were hit and miss for him on any given day. He’d always liked blowjob videos and point of view shots. But he’s already stirring in his pants, after months of not thinking about his dick, so he forces himself to scroll back to the top and open the ‘gay’ tab.

That’s what it’s called. Just ‘Gay’. He sighs and presses the link.

At first, it’s weird, watching the preview clips of dude asses in the air and their mouths hanging open. But then there’s one which looks very similar to a hetero video and Aaron clicks on it before he’s really processed what he’s doing. The opening is so loud, he jumps and clicks off the volume on his computer, looking around his empty apartment to make sure no one saw him flinch.

The TV is showing the exy event, he notices, the ticker tape telling him they’re expecting the guests to arrive soon.

Aaron looks back at his computer and freezes for a completely different reason. He has never felt dick envy in his life, always been completely secure with his size. Katelyn had liked his dick, and she’d told him that openly and often enough. But he’s not staring at the dick. He’s starting at the stubbled jaw and red lips and bright green eyes of the guy sucking it. Aaron’s own dick give a hearty tug in his jeans and he shuffles along his seat, rapt as he watches. The guy on screen laughs at something the other actor probably said and looks up through his eyelashes, before taking the penis in his mouth again.

Aaron forgets to blink, and the shot switches, showing the guy having his dick sucked with his head back and his stupid-porn star abs that twitch and jump as the first guy’s head bobs along his member. Aaron’s dick throbs in his jeans and he doesn’t stop to process which part of this is doing it for him.

The scene switches again, fading out and then back in as one guy is on his knees with his ass toward the camera and the other guy is rubbing a thumb at his asshole. This is more abstract, Aaron realizes, because he has no idea how it feels to have someone rub along his asshole, or to rub on someone else’s asshole.

He clicks forward in the video a few minutes but stops when he realizes that they’re actually fucking now. This, he finds more relatable, and his sound is still off, so he’s not dealing with whatever noises are coming out of the mouth of guy who is being fucked. But his eyes linger on their hips, on the sharp muscles of their backs and pelvis, as they thrust forward and pull backward, and his dick tugs again.

He watches and he’s pretty sure he needs to touch himself.

There’s no sound in the apartment when he pulls down the zipper of his pants and flips them onto the other end of the couch, moves his laptop to the end of the chaise and slips his hand around himself.

And it feels good. Watching the guys on the screen fuck in elaborate shots and his hand on his oh-so-sensitive dick.

The guy fucking reaches around and tugs on the bottom’s dick and Aaron feels himself shiver.

They lean together and kiss and his gut clenches because that’s probably the hottest thing he’s seen yet. The way the guy on top just drapes over the body under him, but doesn’t stop moving, because fuck that probably feels really good.

He can feel his orgasm clenching in his balls and doesn’t need the porn anymore, it’s given him enough information, so Aaron leans back, almost done.

And because he’d completely forgotten that the TV was even on, Kevin is of course right there on the screen. In his perfect fucking suit that Aaron picked out, waving at the fucking press with Aaron’s watch around his wrist and smiling with his pretty fucking lips that Aaron suddenly is picturing around his dick.

It’s probably the most embarrassing moment of his life when he comes harder than he ever has and then nearly scrambles to wash a stray glob of semen off the arm of the couch before it stains.

Aaron takes a shower, makes a frozen dinner and forces himself to read his textbook, but he still feels keyed up. His previously deserted libido is suddenly raging he keep replaying parts of the porn video through his head.

It’s just after eleven, and he has no idea what time Kevin will be back, or if he will. Aaron doesn’t work in the morning, but has a noon lecture, and nothing before.

He gives up, curiosity getting the better of him and snaps his pharm book closed and grabbing his laptop stomps into his room.

He’s part way through his third article on anal penetration when the front door opens. Aaron shuffles around and pulls his comforter over his lap to hide, yes, his erections- again, already. When Kevin pokes his head into his door.

“Hey,” he greets, and Aaron tries to forget that he came to his face on the TV a few hours ago. “Surprised you’re still up,” Kevin tells him, and Aaron laughs before he can stop himself, glancing at the clock on his computer. It is almost 1 in the morning.

“Me too,” Aaron tells him, ignoring is own innuendo, “Lost track of time.” Kevin nods, like this is completely believable, and Aaron submits that he did lose track of time. So much time. All of it spent looking up how to have gay sex.

Kevin snaps off his watch and Aaron watches him lay it down on the dresser, “Thanks for this. Satan appreciated it.”

“Appreciated a watch,” Aaron asks.

Kevin rolls his eyes, leaning in the doorway again, and tilting his hips in a way that Aaron is now picturing naked. “She thinks having things like watches and belts are necessary because they show that you’re ‘fully formed’ or something.”

“She sounds,” Aaron pauses, “like a good manager?”

Kevin huffs his face skeptical and Aaron can’t stop watching the twist of his lips and how his eyebrows emote when he says, “She’s something. I think she’s trying to sell me into the Russian Mafia.”

“Another Mafia,” Aaron asks, and Kevin actually laughs this time.

“Hopefully this one is fictional.” But then he smiles brightly and fights back a yawn. “I’m going to head to bed.”

Aaron nods, “Alright. Night.”

And Kevin’s grinning face leaves his doorway.

And Aaron is sunk.

The next morning, Kevin catches him in the kitchen, still making breakfast. Aaron wordlessly cracks two more eggs for him and Kevin grins as he pours a cup of coffee.

“Did you want to come to the game,” he asks over the rim of his cup and Aaron looks at up him.

Aaron thinks about it, he really does. It’s been a long time since he had been to a live game, even with Andrew always willing to send him a ticket. But he has a shift at Mar’s the following morning and the idea of watching a sweaty athletic Kevin sprint around the court is as intriguing as it is terrifying.

Aaron shakes his head, “I work in the morning.” Easily enough Kevin shrugs.

“If you ever want to come, though,” he says and Aaron nods.

“I’ll let you know,” he agrees, “I mean, heck, Toby, Madeline and that other guy would probably be interested.

Kevin grins smugly, “’That other guy’?”

Aaron shrugs, “He was kind of a douche.”

Kevin is still grinning though, “Yeah, but so were we when we dipped after maybe half an hour, most of which was spent at the bar.” Aaron flips their eggs in the pan.

“Valid point,” He allows sullenly, but then contradicts, “It was a rough night.”

And Kevin’s grin closes off a little bit, “Yeah, it was.”

Their eyes lock over the island and Aaron feels weak when he breaks the contact first. But. He hasn’t forgotten his orgasm on the couch last night, which is across the room, just right there.

“I’ll ask Toby about it,” he says instead, “On Monday.” Kevin nods, seeming pacified. But his eyes stay on the counter for a bit too long. “You okay?” Aaron asks after a moment, preparing to spoon eggs onto plates.

Kevin’s gaze snaps back up and he grins thinly, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just out of it from the thing last night. And the game tonight.” He sighs deeply.

“How are you feeling,” Aaron ventures weakly, and finally Kevin is grinning back down at him. Kevin grins more now, Aaron realizes.

“Fine,” he answers with a nearly dismissive shrug, “We’re favorite to win and I’m not starting this game, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be put in before half time.”

“Well aren’t you a cocky little shit,” Aaron tells him, but he’s smirking, feeling playfully interested in Kevin’s analysis.

Kevin rolls his eyes, all dramatics, “I’m better than Forest or Paul, the other main string strikers and I haven’t been playing long enough but Greene and I have on court synergy.”

For a second, Aaron remembers what it was like to play and grins as well. “Like I said, you’re a cocky little shit.”

When Aaron gets back from class Kevin is already gone by hours, so he settles in to do homework on the couch and turns on the TV. It makes him blush for a moment before the announcer’s voice kills any lingering embarrassment.

True to what Kevin had said this morning, the sports analysist seems pretty sure that Chicago is a shoo-in to win again the Colorado Centaurs. They even match Kevin’s analysis about his own play time, expect for one guy who keeps bashing him for this single year stint with the Dallas Chargers, repeatedly questioning why he was traded. None of them really seem to have a solid answer regarding it, and Aaron’s curiosity is slightly peeked.

He gets through two quick assignments and an outline for another before the game actually starts. The only thing Aaron really knows about the Chicago Knights is that there are no former Ravens on the line up. There had been three on the Dallas Chargers when he looks it up as the pregame warm up takes place on the screen.

He has his notes open on his computer in front of him, but Aaron is locked into the game from the moment, twenty minutes into the first half when Conner Forest is switched for Kevin. And Aaron will never say it to Kevin’s face, but he can admit that Kevin and Greene, the other starting striker for the Chicago Knights do actually have a lot of synergy on the court.

It’s the first time that he’s watched an Exy game that looks as fun and exciting and they’re probably meant to be.

Aaron hasn’t seen Kevin on the court in nearly two years with any kind of attention, but it’s still so obvious how much he loves this game.

Kevin plays until half time and the Knights are up by six points. It’s not a bloodbath, but it’s pretty close. The Centaurs make a striker switch four minutes to the half and the knights leave their defensive line in without change outs, and the Centaurs score two goals in quick succession.

At halftime break the camera scans the benches as the station gets ready to go into a break and Aaron sees Kevin laughing with his teammates.

There’s a weird pride in his stomach. Like, ‘ _yeah, I know that guy_ ’ that he’s never gotten watching any of the Foxes play- let alone his own brother. He refuses to dwell on it through the rest of the game.

Kevin starts the second half and doesn’t get pulled until five minutes from the end. The Knights are up by eight points now, and eventually win, 20 to 12. It’s probably a better debut with the team than Kevin had been planning on. The announcers he halfheartedly watches cover the post-game seem to think so.

He’s not really sure where the impulse comes from, but he finds his phone and texts Kevin, ‘ _When do you think you’ll be back?_ ’ before finally starting to read through his notes.

Kevin answers a bit later, ‘ _Not sure. There’s a mandatory opener party after the press meeting._ ’ Aaron watches his screen, knowing Kevin probably just made it back to the locker room. Kevin texts again, ‘ _Did you watch?_ ’

Aaron debates lying for only two seconds because his timing is far too obvious, ‘ _Yeah. Great game, you cocky little shit._ ’

Kevin sends back the emoji with stars exploding from its eyes and Aaron laughs. ‘ _Thank you_ ,’ Kevin adds, ‘ _I tried real hard_.’

‘ _Liar_ ,’ Aaron texts, knowing Kevin probably won’t reply again.

To his surprise his phone dings a minute later with another message, ‘ _I’ll let you know when I’m on the way back._ ’

Aaron tries not to dwell on it, but after his first game Kevin suddenly seems to _settle_. Which really, Aaron hadn’t noticed that he seemed unsettled, but there’s a quick shift in how he’s behaving. Kevin’s morning runs start a bit later Saturday and again when Aaron is nearly out the door for Mar’s or on Tuesday to his 8am class. He’s back at the apartment before Aaron Monday afternoon and in general, he just seems to move or fidget less.

On Wednesday, when Aaron doesn’t have for or class until noon, he gets up late and Kevin is making enough breakfast for both of them. Kevin is still at the apartment at 9am, which is weird by itself.

“Were you actually worried about that game,” Aaron asks him, and Kevin’s head whips up from where he’s cooking. Aaron already has the answer to his question.

Kevin’s cheeks dust and he looks back at the eggs intentionally. They have a nice mix of spinach and cheese in them and Aaron is hungry. Kevin clears his throat before he answers, “Starting with a new team will always have it’s challenges, probably.”

Aaron hears himself hum noncommittally as he pours himself a cup of coffee. “Didn’t look like you had any problems,” Aaron tells him, sipping the coffee black. He won’t tell Kevin he likes it when the other man makes it better.

Kevin turns and glances at him, still looking at him oddly as he had Saturday morning.

“What time do you leave tomorrow,” Aaron asks instead, because Kevin’s team will be flying to Colorado in the morning, to play the Chargers on their court Friday evening. Neil’s team play in Arizona tomorrow night, and Boston would be playing Atlanta two hours before Kevin’s team plays in Colorado. Aaron had every intention of studying until Andrew’s game started on Friday and then cramming the rest of the weekend.

He’d taken the weekend off from Mar’s because Midterms started Monday.

It was another side effect of no longer being with Katelyn he finds, finding time to study. Not that their apartment wasn’t quiet enough or that it was hard to study alone. It was just easier to study with someone else- and lately Kevin was enough of a distraction that Aaron can’t keep his mind focused when he’s home.

Which isn’t actually Kevin’s fault. It was just a side effect, Aaron is sure.

“I have to be at the stadium by noon,” Kevin tells him finally, scooping eggs from the pan onto plates, already.

“When do you get back,” Aaron asks again, because he knows Kevin told him, but he wants to be sure.

Kevin confirms this with a sigh, sliding the second plate toward him, “Saturday afternoon.”

Aaron nods and then says, “Midterms are next week.” He grabs the fork from the edge of the plate and sighs when he takes the first bite. He wants to know who taught Kevin to cook, and make coffee, but he’s not sure he’d like the answer.

“Oh,” Kevin says around a bite of his own pile of eggs, “Are you actually worried about that?”

It’s a jab, and Aaron looks up at him. Kevin grins at him sassily. It makes something heavy plop into Aaron stomach, how Kevin easily draws these parallels between how they feel sometimes.

Maybe that’s why Aaron says, “I’m not used to studying alone still.”

He watches Kevin’s face fall and knows he gets what Aaron is implying. That he’d always had Katelyn to study with. Kevin finishes his eggs and then his cup of coffee. “You’ll do great,” he says in a small voice, “I don’t doubt it.”

Maybe that’s why, Thursday after class, Aaron stops at a shop on the way home. It’s a bit larger of a convenience store and he works himself up to wondering carelessly into the tampon aisle, passed the tampons and stopping in front of the row of pregnancy tests and condoms. And lube.

The labels confuse him, but he’s read though enough of the more explicit blogs that he had been avoiding prior to know what he’s actually looking for. There’s a box toward the top shelf with a vibrant picture and a blue label, that he sighs and grab and pushes himself up to the counter to pay.

The girl behind the register doesn’t say anything. Literally, anything. She blinks at him, scans the box and Aaron pays without a ‘hello’ or a ‘goodbye’ or much less a talk about his sexuality.

He wonders for a moment if he’ll ever stop thinking like this. Like everyone can see it on his face. Like they’re judging him. Like someone will be waiting outside to beat him in the alley nearby, and no one, not even Andrew can stop them.

The thought only last for a minute, but it follows him back to the apartment, hanging like a smaller version of a shame cloud.

He’s more the surprised when the curiosity wins out though and he drops his backpack at the desk, and the convenience store bag on his bed, the thrill going up his spine overpowering the shame that had followed him home.

He showers, thoroughly and even that feels like a test. The mere implications of new sensations turning in his mind. All the explanations from the various blogs make his dick perk to attention just enough that he pulls it a few more times than necessary as he washes up, his fingers slipping back below his balls just far enough and press against his ass a few times.

It doesn’t feel great, by any stretch of the word. It feels like poking his asshole.

Only a touch discouraged, Aaron finishes his shower and dries off, but stops short of getting dressed. He pointedly does not go to the couch and sets up his laptop of the end of his bed.

Porn is easier now, he’s only watched it a couple times, but navigating the page and then switching categories is easier. Thrilling, even. He scrolls for a few minutes, his damp towel cooling against his skin and the bag next to his computer taunting him while he finds a video. This time, when he hovers over the preview of a pale, petite man and a muscled version of the terminator pounding him, there’s an instant tug in his gut and his dick twitches.

Whatever version of his sexuality he’s been processing for weeks is nearly loaded and it feels like _finally_.

He plays the video and his dick is hard in the first forty seconds, even with just lazy tugs. He keeps watching, even as he grabs the bag, both hands deserting his member and opens the box with a less than stable hand.

He’s aroused, and this is new. A bit of the shakes is normal, he reasons.

He unwraps his towel and lays it under him, not wanting to get lube on the bed, or anything else.

He bites off the plastic seal and pops the cap before putting a few drops of the slick liquid on his fingers before wrapping them around his dick again. It does feel just that much better, and Aaron sighs, attention once again on his computer where the petite man is moaning, ass in the air, legs spread.

This is probably the hardest part, Aaron thinks, imagining being that vulnerable.

But then the larger man is back, and he smacks the presented butt cheek, Aaron rolls his eyes, but continues to tug at his own fully invested member as the actors moan together. Porn is porn. But then fingers prob at the positioned ass, and Aaron’s breath stops of a second, knowing this is what he’s looking for. The actor’s moan is filthy. Aaron knows that he’s probably already been prepped for hours, because porn is all a show, but his gut clenches anyway and his logic is quickly forgotten. He spreads some lube on his other hand, already slipping the bottle around in his slick hands and then presses back, below his balls.

The larger actor leans down and he kisses the kneeling man’s butt cheeks, right where he’d slapped previously, and then lowers his face to meet the tight ring of muscles presented to him.

Aaron’s fingers do some kind of mock of this motion, lube assisting the slick slide of them over his own tight hole and he sighs, because this does feel different than poking his own ass now. He breaths deeply and relaxes against the feeling, pushing a bit deeper, but not reaching in yet. His other hand is still stroking lazily over his dick and he’s feels sensitive. Like his skin is buzzing, regardless that he knows it’s just part of the arousal high.

The larger man once again leans into lap his tongue against the now wet looking sphincter and then one finger joins his face.

Breaching his own asshole is a different kind of sting, that makes Aaron hiss air sharply through his teeth. It’s uncomfortable like the blogs said it would be, but he pulls his finger back and rubs along the edges again, and it feels suddenly like he’s buzzing more.

His dick is throbbing as well, and Aaron wonders if that’s normal.

The porn is still playing, the larger guy fingering two fingers in now, and they’re both groaning. Aaron sighs and presses back in again, just a bit further this time and forces himself to relax, finger still moving, probing against his own rim. When he looks down, he doesn’t think he’s been this hard, possibly in his life, and he pushes a bit further in.

The prostate has always been a figment to him, but finding it, makes Aaron side with every blog he’s read and agree- prostate stimulation leads to better sex. His hand moves faster along his member and he adds a second finger before he’s really thought about it.

On the video, he watches as the large penis slips into the still presented bubble butt in front of him and Aaron mewls like he’s never mewled before.

If Kevin were in the city, Aaron would probably be so embarrassed, he’d die.

And then he’s thinking about Kevin. Kevin smiling smugly across the island like a dare. And then he’s thinking about Kevin’s hands, passing him a plate, or wrapped around his dick. Or his fingers, clasping Aaron’s watch shut on his wrist, or slipping into his ass. He’s thinking about Kevin’s knees lifted above the edge of the couch, or next to Aaron’s knees, body wrapping around him without a stretch. It’s only a moment, a flash of all of these thoughts, and Aaron feels his hips lift off the mattress with a punch.

Then he’s coming again, much like the first time. And Aaron cusses, his own come spattering his arm and stomach, in thick rivets and ropes. He pulls his fingers out too fast and his ass stings. The porn actors are still groaning and Aaron stares at the ceiling wondering if he can continue to pretend that he’s not attracted to Kevin.

Friday, he’s enormously distracted through the entire day, even without work. His asshole tingles just a bit when he sits, and he records his lectures before giving up on listening. Toby sends him concerned looks and Aaron wondering if he looked like he was up all night masturbating. Because he was.

Between classes, he sits in the library, his organized piles of midterm studying arranged around him and can’t focus on anything.

“Oh, hey,” he hears a woman’s voice call from nearby and Aaron flinches. Because he doesn’t have any female friends, or any friends really, and Katelyn is his first instinct. But when he looks up, it’s Madeline who’s looking at him like she knows she’s just spooked him. But she’s also looking at his piles of notes.

In the middle of the day in a giant library, Madeline looks much different than she had in the Alley. Her boho glasses match her dreadlocks and her thin flowy sweater. But her thin camisole and jeans seem out of place in CMS and Chicago in October. She must not walk to campus, or she’d freeze.

“Midterms,” she asks, after Aaron doesn’t say anything, or maybe blink.

Which he does and then nods looking at his piles and seeing them for the first times since he’d sat down and felt his ass twinge. Aaron sighs, but it’s probably not for the reasons Madeline thinks. She nods in solidarity, and then her face twists, her eyes narrowing. “We do a study group,” she says suddenly, and Aaron knows he probably looks at her like a starving man.

“Who’s we,” he finally asks, voice scratchy.

Madeline grins, in a friendly way, “Toby and Dom, myself and my girl Sasha Carson. She’s cool- a trauma spec like me.”

Aaron nods, and asks, “When? Would it be okay if I came?”

Madeline’s eyes are sparkling like she’s amused. “Yeah, sure. We were meeting at Birch around four this afternoon.” Birch was the smaller computer library on the north side of campus, that houses mostly study area and a particular selection of research journals geared toward mortuary studies.

Aaron looks at the time on his computer, no longer able to wear his watch. It’s just after noon. “How long,” he asks, “Or is there cable?”

“Cable? For a study group?” she asks, still far too amused.

“I have a thing I want to watch that starts at five,” he tells her.

She’s grinning wider now. “Boston and Atlanta,” she asks, finally sliding into the seat across from him.

Aaron grimaces, having forgot that Madeline was the Exy fan somehow.

“Birch does not have TV access or good signal,” she tells him.

It feels like a Hail Mary and a nearly bad idea when he says, “Would you guys be up for relocating?”

Madeline snorts, “I am, for sure. Where are you suggesting?”

Aaron texts Kevin, guiltily, when she leaves. _I may be having a study group at the apartment tonight. Hope that’s not too weird._

Kevin’s reply is quick, and Aaron wants to know why he isn’t busy. _Only weird that you have friends._

Aaron frowns but Kevin replies again quickly, three texts in quick succession.

_That was a complete joke._

_I’m glad you found a study group._

_Hopefully they’re not too weird._

Aaron frowns at the messages more, and then Kevin adds one more.

_Fuck._

He laughs this time, until a moment later his phone is rings and Kevin is calling him.

It takes Aaron a full ten seconds to process this and before he answers.

“Asshole,” he greets, but he can hear how light his voice is.

Kevin sighs along the line, “I didn’t mean that.” And he sounds so self-tormenting that Aaron’s smile wanes a bit.

Oh, how far they’d come from Palmetto.

“I know,” Aaron tells him, “It’s alright.”

“It’s not,” Kevin insists instantly, “So sorry.”

Aaron hums and lets the line stay quiet for a minute before he asks, “What are you doing? Shouldn’t you be doing some fancy pregame thing?”

Kevin huffs a laugh finally and then takes a Long breath, “Already did that. I might be a little keyed up.”

Aaron snorts, “Couldn’t tell.”

“Okay, a lot keyed up,” Kevin agrees, and he almost sounds like he’s laughing.

“Since when do you get nervous, Day,” Aaron asks, “You’re still in the top ten ranked professional strikers in the division, weather you’re starting tonight or not. You’ve been playing Exy longer than any of these other shits, and you’re better than any of them. So why the hell do you sound nervous?”

Kevin is alarmingly quiet for a long moment and Aaron is pretty sure he said something wrong, but then Kevin laughs. It’s a quiet and breathy laugh that makes Aaron feel lightheaded, because he can no longer pretend that he’s not attracted to Kevin Day.

“Get it together and go back to being that cocky little shit,” Aaron adds, trying to diffuse some of the feeling in his own chest, “All these nerves don’t suit you when you’re on the court.”

Kevin laughs again, and Aaron is suddenly aware that he’s still in the library. “Are you going to watch,” Kevin asks instead, voice pitched low and vulnerable, and Aaron chokes.

But he still admits, “That why the study group is at the apartment.”

“A viewing party,” Kevin laughs.

“Madeline will also be watching, but I don’t think any of the others really get it. Maybe that one guys, but he’s still a dick.”

“Dominic, wasn’t it,” Kevin asks and Aaron grumbles, because Kevin remembering his name makes Aaron grumpy for some reason.

“Maybe,” he answers out of spite, “Or Dick something.”

“Richard,” Kevin laughs, “He did not look like a Richard.”

“Yeah,” Aaron grumbles, “And what did he looks like, then?” Even to his own ears it sounds petty.

Kevin hums, still too low and it does something to Aaron’s stomach, “Hmm, I don’t remember.”

Aaron stops then, all jokes dying in his head, because his dick twitches at the sound of Kevin’s voice alone- over the phone, from three states away. He feels his breath catch and he sighs shakily, and he hopes that Kevin can’t hear it across the phone.

But still he says, “Good.” Aaron clears his throat, and takes another deep breath, not thinking about his dick or his ass still tingling, and grumbles, “You’d better win.”

Kevin sounds like he’s smiling when he says, “And you’d better be watching.” And then hangs up.

For a very short and quiet moment, Aaron rages, feeling like Kevin knew exactly what just happened and then hung up. He rages thinking about cowardly Kevin Day from Palmetto and how he probably would have never had the balls to say what he just said, or flirt like he had just flirted- because it was flirting, Aaron is ninety-eight percent sure. And he rages because he really can’t pretend that he is not attracted to Kevin Day.

Aaron has lived with Kevin for nearly two months, and he is already forgetting how nice their apartment is. Until moments like when the reception desk calls to let him know he has four guests and he tells her, ‘I know.’

Madeline, Toby, Fuckface and a small blond who Aaron assumed is Sasha arrive just after four and he’s already made sure everything is as clean as it can be, that their bedroom doors are closed and that the sink is free of dishes.

Katelyn used to invite friends over every now and then and Aaron used to watch her run around, not really understanding why she felt like she had to clean. But these are people who he, for the most part, would like to consider friends who have changed their plans to incorporate him, and he cleaned for them.

Madeline grins from the other side of the door while everyone else looks a little star struck.

“Hi,” Aaron greets them and steps aside for them to enter.

“Shoes off,” Toby asks, giggling nervously.

Aaron shrugs, because he and Kevin never really take theirs off, but the carpet is beige and maybe it is a good idea. A small pile of shoes accrues near the door and Aaron locks it behind them.

“This place is nice,” Madeline says and Aaron shrugs again.

“How,” Dominic says, but then cuts himself off and Toby glares at him, around the island.

Aaron realizes that the stove is a bit dirty and weights the merit of stealthily trying to clean it before they notice.

“Hi,” Sasha squeaks at him, and Aaron jumps. She shoves her hand toward him and smiles tightly, “Sasha Carson.” Aaron nods and tells her his name while shaking her hand once. “I know,” she answers, and Aaron nearly sighs, “We had advanced calculus together last fall.”

Aaron hums, “Sorry. I don’t remember you.”

She scoffs and waves between them, “Oh it’s fine. I only remember because you picked a fight with Doctor Jenson right before finals.”

Aaron nearly blushes now, remembering that, and how mortified Katelyn had been sitting next to him afterward. “Right,” he says now, and Sasha smiles a bit more normally.

“No,” she says, voice sassy suddenly, “He was an ass. I was rooting for you.”

Aaron stares at her and it’s a sublime feeling to know that not every failure he remembered was remembered that way by everyone else.

“How,” Dominic grumbles again and Toby is still glaring at him.

“How what,” Aaron snaps.

“Probably how do you afford this,” Madeline supplies, snorting.

Aaron blinks at them and realizes that he’s never told them Kevin is his roommate. He smiles at Dominic as he answers, “Kevin pays for most of it. I just live here.”

Surprisingly, its Toby who ask, “Kevin Day, _lives_ here?”

Even Sasha is staring at him wide eyed, when Aaron nods, “Yeah.”

Dominic glares harder and Aaron is happily sure the other guy hates him still.

Madeline whistles and looks around the space, “Nice.” Then she looks back at him, “So, we should order food and then start studying, or study and then food.”

They order Chinese and Pizza and set up their various study areas around the coffee table while they wait for it. Toby pulls out a stack of pharmacology note cards and asks Aaron is he wants to go over them, and they do.

Aaron is still trying to decide if this is what having friends should feel like when the Chinese arrives. April at the reception desk downstairs sounds real over his shit when Aaron tells her he’ll be down in a minute, but by the time he gets there, the pizza guy is waiting alongside the Chinese guy and April looks as unimpressed as she had seemed over the phone. But the time that Aaron juggles it all back into the apartment, Sasha meets him by the door and Madeline has the TV on for the pregame sportscast for the Atlanta vs Boston game.

As they sit back around the couch, binders and various textbooks spread over the coffee table, Aaron’s phone pings against the drone of the announcers and Aaron reads the messages on the WhatsApp chat as everyone dishes out food.

Dan and Allison are wishing Andrew and Kevin luck, like they do before most games, but the Matt is adding memes. Aaron corrects Nicky’s grammar and then opens his texts.

Kevin sent one while he was downstairs, saying, ‘ _Hope the study group/viewing party is going well._ ’

Aaron sends back, ‘ _Dick isn’t dead. It could be better._ ’

When he has his own plate full of Chinese, Kevin has text him again, ‘ _Let me know when Andrew’s game is over?_ ’

‘ _You’ll already be on the court_ ,’ Aaron points out.

Kevin sends back the eyeroll emoji and Aaron tries to not laugh. Toby has moved on to doing chemistry flash cards with Sasha and Dom, while Madeline is shoveling impressive amounts of chow mien in her mouth while watching him across the coffee table.

‘ _Still_ ,’ Kevin sends back after a moment, ‘ _I’ll see it at halftime. And I know you’d rather tell me if he loses._ ’

Aaron does chuckle softly this time, be types out with some kind of clarity, ‘ _Sure, Day, whatever you want. They won’t lose either way._ ’

“Who you textin’ over there,” Sasha asks, her voice teasing and she’s smiling at him as she shuffles her index cards.

Aaron is still balancing his plate of Chinese and his phone in either hand, but he knows his glare is probably petulant when he pointedly doesn’t answer and shovels another forkful of noodles into his mouth.

“Ooohh,” she prods again, still smiling prettily, “It’s a secret.”

Aaron rolls his eyes, “Hardly.”

“What’s that like,” Toby, of all people asks, “Texting Kevin Day.”

Aaron lifts one eyebrow and stares at him, “You weren’t nearly this weird when you met him.”

“Oh, he was trashed,” Madeline laughs, downing a giant gulp of water.

Aaron looks at Toby again, “Really?”

Dominic answers this time and Toby blushes, “Yes, he was. He’s a lightweight.”

“Guys,” Toby wails and tucks his hands against his cheeks, “Thanks for nothing.”

“Awh,” Sasha moves on to a new victim, “Look at you blush.”

Toby throws his pencil at her and all of them laugh.

“But, yeah,” Madeline says this time, even as the sportscasters begin to transition from pregame to the opening behind her on the TV, “What is texting a famous Exy star like?” She’s grinning and Aaron wonders what she thinks it’s like.

“I don’t know,” Aaron says, shrugging, but dropping his phone to focus on his food again, “He’s Kevin. I’ve known him too long to think of him like that.”

Dominic sighs now, “Such an uncool answer.”

Aaron wants to laugh at him now, but instead he smiles, “You can only see someone sloppy drunk enough times before you can never un-see it again.”

Madeline harshly shushes them when the broadcast finally starts, and the Boston Rebels are called into the court. “Aaron,” Sasha sighs, as the last of the team treks onto the court, Andrew included, “Is it weird if I tell you your brother is super hot?”

Aaron stares at her across the room and feels himself flush, and then stutter for a moment.

“ _Jesus_ , Sasha,” Madeline gasps, “They’re twins.”

“Identical twins, _yeah_ ,” Sasha says, and she laughs. No one else laughs and Aaron pointedly does not look at Toby.

When he looks at her Madeline is glaring at the coffee table and her empty plate. Dominic is watching the Atlanta Raiders begin into the court and Aaron knows he should say anything. So, he clears his throat and says, “Yep, defiantly is. His personality is a real buzz kill though, so don’t worry.”

Sasha meets his eyes and smiles. Aaron suddenly feels like he passed some kind of test, but when he looks around finally, Toby is chewing his lip and staring vacantly at the carpet. “That’s what they all say,” Sasha tells him this time, and Madeline scoffs, shaking her head.

“You’re unbelievable, Carson,” Aaron hears her scold and Sasha shrugs before rising and refilling her plate with pizza from the island.

He wishes the atmosphere would go back to the light, laughing calm that had enveloped them before, but Sasha’s comment seems to have shut Toby down. Dominic and Madeline are both actually involved in watching the game, passing commentary back and forth while Sasha eats slowly, and looks through her binders. Toby stares at the carpet, until he eventually starts staring at the TV.

By halftime, they’re relaxed again.

Boston is winning, 4-0. Andrew played a full half but after half time Aaron doubts he will be back in the goal until the end of the game.

“How,” Dominic asks suddenly as the halftime break turns to commercial. But he’s turned and is looking at Aaron like he’s starving for the answers.

“How what,” Aaron asks again, but this does not feel like the earlier conversation at all.

“How does _he do that_ ,” Dominic demands and Aaron jumps, but he’s gesturing to the TV and gaping, “Atlanta’s strikers are both in the top for their division and their backline is _fourth_. Fourth _in the country_. They’re _so good_. So, _how does he do that_?”

Aaron stares back at him and feels himself relax.

This feels like normal territory, even if he’s avoided Exy fans since he’d come to Chicago.

“I don’t know how you expect me to answer that,” Aaron sighs, pulling out his phone to text Kevin the halftime score, even knowing he’s probably in pregame warm-ups already. “Andrew hates Exy,” Aaron says, just because.

Because it’s true still, he thinks.

Because Aaron knows the only reason Andrew went pro was for Neil, but he can’t say that.

But mostly because Dominic, the Dick, gapes at him so suddenly Aaron nearly laughs in his face.

“ _He what_ ,” the other man rages, launching into a rant that is really Kevin-worthy, and Madeline loses it. She’s full blown cackling against the coffee table and nearly in tears by the time Dominic settles again, now standing in front of the TV. Even Toby is grinning up at him while Sasha watches apathetically.

The game resumes shortly after, and Sasha coaxes Toby back into doing flash cards quietly while Madeline, Dominic and Aaron focus on the game. Andrew doesn’t go back into the goal in the second half, but Boston is winning 6-1 by the time Madeline switches the channel.

Dominic nearly snaps at her, but she cuts him off, her palm in his face and says, “No, I don’t care about your stats being all shook up because of Minyard’s first quarter shut down. Chicago is on, and I am Chicago- born and raised, you Midwestern baby. We’re watching Chicago, because when we signed Day that was the happiest I’ve been, in maybe my whole life.”

Aaron snorts.

Then Madeline points at him, “Do not ruin this for me.”

Aaron smiles and does as she asks. But she side-eyes him the entire time the starting lines are being introduced. Then she glares at him, “He’s not even starting.”

“I wasn’t allowed to say anything, I thought,” Aaron replies and Madeline sighs.

Then she says, “Let me rephrase: Why isn’t Day starting?”

This is Aaron gives her the sassy look and smirks, “I don’t know why you would think I would know the answer to that.”

Madeline’s lips purse and she shakes her head, finger wagging at him, “I’m on to you, sassy.”

Much like the home game against the Centaurs, Kevin is subbed in after the first ten minutes, when both teams are still goalless. Madeline side-eyes him again and Aaron rolls his eyes.

Greene and Kevin get a goal in the next minute. Aaron grins and Madeline glares at him.

Dominic is gaping at the TV by this point, and then he looks around the room. Suddenly he announces reverently, “He lives here.”

Madeline snorts and Aaron feels himself smile. Actually smile. Because that’s how he felt too. Just slightly in awe, maybe, that Kevin lived here. Sometimes, the idea that he was associated with these people made Aaron feel tiny. This was not one of those times. This time, it is a weird mix of pride and wonder.

“He eats off the plate you just ate off,” Sasha says, giggling a bit, but Dominic whips his head to look at her and then down at the coffee table where his empty plate has been deserted, empty.

“Oh my god,” Toby sighs, covering his face with both hands and groaning, “You are obsessed.”

But Aaron realizes he is still smiling. And then he realizes Madeline is watching him smile, and he feels himself blush.

When the Knights win 16-9, Aaron texts a picture of the TV to Kevin. A few hours later, Kevin sends back just a smiley face, but Aaron assumes he’s busy with post-game things and falls asleep shortly after Madeline and the other’s leave.

Aaron works at Mar’s on Saturday morning, but he makes it back and is halfway through working on a quick lunch before studying, when Kevin gets back. He finishes a bite, scrolling idly through junk email while he’s eating, but when he glances up at Kevin he stops and stares.

Because Kevin is looking at him with an expression that makes Aaron wary.

“What’s wrong,” Aaron asks and Kevin sighs, one hand still on his suitcase and the other holding his garment bag.

“Nothing,” he snaps after a minute his eyes shifting left and Aaron doesn’t even think about humoring him.

“You sound like Josten,” Aaron shoots back, “What’s wrong?” Kevin’s face twists, smirking for only a second and then frowning and glaring somehow at the same time. Aaron drops his fork against his plate and give a huff of his own this time. “I’m waiting,” He says, and Kevin’s shoulders sag in defeat.

“I’m sorry,” he finally snaps, and Aaron continues to watch him.

“Well that sounded super convincing,” Aaron tells him, huffing, “Why are you sorry?” Kevin’s face is still doing complicated motions and Aaron is very aware that he’s looking everywhere but at Aaron himself.

Aaron already knows what he’s about to say before he says it, and a cold feeling slides between his ribs. “About the phone call,” Kevin answers finally, left hand leaving his suitcase to pinch the bridge of his nose between his eyes. Like this conversation is giving him a headache, and Aaron suddenly wants to make it as hard on him as possible.

“What phone call,” He asks slowly, feeling the sneer pull at his lips and the bitter edge of his words.

Kevin sighs and finally looks at him, but his face is oddly blank, nearly pale, and his eyes are too green, “The only phone call. Yesterday afternoon.”

Aaron lets the sneer out and snips, “You mean the one where you were flirting with me?”

Kevin stops, his mouth hanging open for a second and Aaron fixates on the chess piece of his cheek. When his jaw works the black lines pop out against his olive skin in a way that make it stand out. But then he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and gnaws on it, and Aaron. Aaron is puzzled and fighting down something like shame and embarrassment. Because for the last twenty-four hours he had kind of entertained these ideas and thought that maybe this would be nice.

Being _with_ Kevin. He’d started to like the idea of being _with_ Kevin.

“Well, yeah,” Kevin finally snaps, and he’s once again looking anywhere but at Aaron. Aaron feels himself nod, a tight twist of cold going through his stomach now. Kevin continues, “I wasn’t thinking.”

“Right,” Aaron snaps back, now not able to look at Kevin himself, but looking back down at his half-eaten lunch makes him stomach curl and he pushes back from the island more, bracing his hands along the side.

“I don’t want to make this awkward,” Kevin starts sighing again.

“Right,” Aaron snaps again, not sure he wants to hear much more, but.

“We live together, and I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable,” Kevin continues and Aaron freezes, his head whipping back toward Kevin a spectacularly dizzying moment, “So we can pretend that didn’t happen and-”

“ _Me_ , uncomfortable,” Aaron snaps quizzically this time, deliberately and loud enough to cut Kevin off completely. Then, finally, Kevin meets his gaze across the short space, still by the door, like he’s debating leaving again, suitcase and all. And Aaron finally realizes that Kevin looks ridiculously uncomfortable, and makes himself point out, “I flirted back, idiot.”

Kevin gapes at him this time, differently and like he’s not sure if he’s supposed to react, only saying a gusty, “Oh.”

Aaron nods resolutely once, and then picks back up his fork, “Glad you’re not paid to be smart, Day.” He’s not looking but he can see Kevin nearly pout at him, Aaron snaps, “Do unpack your laundry. Jesus.”

Kevin huffs now, but finally moves from the entryway and Aaron makes himself exhale slowly, because he knows Kevin isn’t going to let this go now. He had seemed keyed up for a whole confrontation and Aaron tries to take some comfort in that fact that Kevin at least planned to have a conversation either way. Some people may have just let something like flirting with their roommate go undiscussed- it’s what Aaron had been planning to do.

For example, the ‘we’re not fighting’ desk still mostly undiscussed in the corner.

But learning to talk about your feelings is probably something that grown up people do.

Aaron shovels the last of his lunch in his mouth while Kevin fiddles with his luggage in his room. But too soon he burst back into the main room, plants his hands on his hips and stares Aaron down across the room.

After a long moment where he doesn’t say anything though, Aaron nearly laughs before saying, “Yes, Day?”

“So,” Kevin says, and then pauses, blinking quickly, obviously still processing, “We’re not pretending that didn’t happen?”

Aaron feels himself grin. “Are _pretending something didn’t happen_ and _avoiding talking about something_ the same thing,” he asks instead and Kevin blinks again.

“No,” he asks, instead of answers.

Aaron is still grinning. “Are we going to talk about the desk?”

Kevin, as if in answer, looking to where the desk is situated in the corner. “I thought we already did,” he answers this time. Aaron looks at the desk too, his computer to one side, and his textbooks along the back against the wall with his notebooks arranged from the study session last night.

“No,” Aaron corrects, “We did not. We discussed how you used to for a diversionary tactic, but not the fact that you bought me a desk as an apology.”

Kevin looks at him now, not disputing the word choice, but his eyebrows knit anyway, “You use it though.”

Aaron nods, grinning, “That I do.”

Kevin waves his hands as if they state a fully formed question and Aaron snorts.

“You like me,” Aaron tells him, and Kevin’s face darkens with a blush Aaron wasn’t expecting, but he rolls his eyes anyway.

“Your point,” Kevin asks, hands once again on his hips defensively, and Aaron would deny that his stomach lifts in a dizzying manner that he hasn’t felt since before he and Katelyn began dating even. Butterflies, Aaron thinks, is a terrible way to describe this feeling. It’s more like a jackhammer making his heart flutter and his gut vibrate.

He swallows thickly and tracks the way Kevin’s stupid green eyes skitter around the room and his lips pinch between his teeth in the few seconds that Aaron pauses. Then he says, “I like you.”

And then Kevin’s eyes meet his, and it’s a strong sizzle that goes through Aaron’s brain. Like a magnet has been attached to his more logical thought processes. Because Kevin is only this intense when there’s something Exy related or someone says some bullshit that gets him riled up.

And. Aaron’s probably said some bullshit that got him riled up.

Kevin waits a good ten seconds before he demands, “Say it again.”

Aaron knows when he’s being given an out, and this is Kevin giving him an out.

So, Aaron very deliberately holds his stupid green eyes and says, “I like you.” Suddenly, Kevin crosses the room until he’s right in front of where Aaron is standing, looming with his height advantage. “Fuck you for being tall,” Aaron snaps, but even he can hear the laugh in his voice. Kevin doesn’t laugh, but he’s grinning when Aaron finally looks up at him.

He leans in close and it’s the most ballsy thing Aaron has seen him do yet, he thinks. Until he leans in a bit further and puts his mouth by Aaron’s ear, and whispers, “Say it again.”

Aaron pushes him back with a hand against his chest, until he can look him in the eye again, but his chest is warm against Aaron’s palm and it feels like lighting a match when he says, “I like you,” this close to Kevin’s stupid face.

Aaron has spent the last nearly two months living with Kevin, and he’s used to it now. Likes it, even. In more private moments, he’s thought about Kevin’s hands, a lot. He’s thoughts about Kevin’s legs, a lot. He’s even though about Kevin pressing him into a mattress a few times. But it’s not until it happens that Aaron realizes that he’s never thought about Kevin kissing him.

And really, he’s not sure he would have ever been able to imagine this.

Maybe because Aaron had kissed Katelyn, and Katelyn alone, for the last nearly five year, but kissing Kevin is nothing like he would have imagined.

Kissing Kevin is like being swept away between the hard press of hot lips against his and by his hands against Aaron’s cheek, carding through his hair and down along his side. It’s the heat of his chest under Aaron’s palm and the way his arms feel when Aaron has to find something to latch onto. Kevin is all hard lines and unforgiving resistance, where Aaron’s never had something this solid to press against before.

And he does press against it. Because only a few moments of kisses leave his gasping when Kevin pulls back and Aaron can breathe. Kevin kisses along his cheek and down his neck, while his hands quickly tuck behind Aaron’s thighs and lift him effortlessly onto the counter. Aaron huffs petulantly, but quickly directs Kevin’s lips back to his own, hands on both of his cheeks.

When his mouth opens and his tongue first teases against Kevin’s, he doesn’t expect to moan, but then he does. Somehow Kevin melts against him more. The hand in his hair tugs and Aaron whines.

“Fuck,” Kevin breathes into his mouth, and then he laughs, lips still touching, “This isn’t what I thought was going to happen today.”

Aaron snorts, “And what did you think was going to happen?” He feels stupid enough, sitting on the counter, with Kevin between his legs, but he also feels those stupid butterflies still, and his heart is threatening to beat out of his chest.

“Uh,” Kevin laughs, their foreheads resting together, and Aaron moves one of his hands from where it had fallen to Kevin’s shoulder up into the short hair on the back of his head. “Not this,” he finally answers, voice soft.

“Obviously,” Aaron scoffs and Kevin’s right hand makes a slow slide down his spine.

It reminds him of the Ally where Kevin had spent the majority of the night touching him. When Aaron had realized how long it had been since anyone had touched him. Then he’s back in their bubble after his talk with Bee and Kevin telling him about how humiliating Drunk Aaron is, and he has to say, “I’m not drunk.”

Suddenly Kevin’s eyes blink open and he looks at Aaron, then he smirks, “Wouldn’t be the first time you kissed me while drunk.”

Aaron blushes, he knows he does and Kevin smiles. Actually, _smiles at him_. “You like me,” He says, leaning in close again and Aaron glares at him, knowing his cheeks are flaming.

“Absolutely not,” Aaron grumbles.

“Uhm, no,” Kevin hums, “No take backs.”

Aaron scoffs again, and forces himself to pull back, “Fine, but stop touching me now.” Kevin frowns and Aaron makes himself shrug. “I have to study.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @ Arkadavinia


	6. We Grow Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Kevin was making this too easy, Aaron thought, their transition or whatever."_  
>  Midterms Week. Kevin is supportive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire chapter feels like filler. But it's not.  
>  _Because._
> 
> But no, really, it's not.  
> The growth of physically intimacy in a relationship is important and without it, there would be _at least_ 70% less FanFiction ever created.  
> Or stories in general. Every story is about growth.
> 
> Anon: No it's not, that stupid.  
> Me: You're wrong. Even "Catcher in the Rye" had growth damnit, and it arguably had no plot.
> 
> I'm still sick, guy. It's been twelve days, and only two of them have existed without me having a fever. Just ignore me.

6.

By the time Aaron gets back from class on Monday, he feels more stressed than he has in the last four months. He drops his backpack on the desk and changes clothes on autopilot. He hasn’t run much since he quit Exy, but when he tucks his apartment key in his sweats pocket and turns the volume on his headphone to deafening before taking off at a mild sprint around the block, Aaron can feel his legs burning after three blocks only.

He’d had review sessions for two tests on Wednesday, in both of his classes this morning and then a lab paper assignment handed to him this afternoon, which was be due by Sunday. He spends the next two blocks thinking over the lab paper and then the following two blocks back to the apartment going over terms in his head and ignoring his legs turning to jelly.

It’s not a long run, but when he makes it back to the elevator, he’s sweaty and April the Receptionist is no longer smiling at him.

Kevin grimaces when at him when he walks in, so Aaron knows he looks as stressed as he feels. “Bad day,” Kevin asks, trying to smirk and Aaron grumbles, heading for his room.

Kevin was making this too easy, Aaron thought, their transition or whatever. They’d spent Sunday milling around the couch, Aaron spread out with all his notes and laptop on the chaise and Kevin playing a video game with his headphones on, taking a break day from the gym and the court, mandated by Satan herself. The Knights were back to training on Monday and would have another away game this weekend, in Kansas City.

And of course, Halloween was on Thursday. Aaron wondered if his college realized that having midterms the same weekend as a drinking holiday was not a great idea.

By the time Aaron had burnt himself out on studying for his week of tests the previous night, Kevin had dragged him off the chaise and arranged them a bit more intimately than could pass for friends and turned on a mindless romcom. When he’d turned and smiled at Aaron and whispered, “Okay?” Aaron thought he would die from embarrassment or affection. Instead he’d grumbled out, “okay”, and they’d watched a movie, tucked together under his comforter like fucking high schoolers.

Aaron had been thinking about it all day, butterflies rumbling in his stomach even as he showers and begins to plan out his lab paper. He grabs his computer and heads for the couch, sitting down as Kevin returns through the front door with a bag of take out. “Hungry,” he asks and Aaron stares at him.

It takes a deep breath for his heart to slow down and he answers, “Starving.”

Kevin grimaces at him again and then tries to smile, “Really, are you okay?”

Aaron drops his computer on the couch and crosses the room to where Kevin’s putting the food on the island and grab his shirt to pull him down. When he kisses him this time, Kevin offers no resistant and he all but moans into Aaron’s mouth, body relaxing as his arms wind around Aaron’s waist. He’s folded in what has to be awkwardly in half, but Kevin merely tilts his head and presses in for another kiss. Aaron sighs after moment and Kevin’s forehead rests against his.

“I have a lab paper,” he explains and Kevin blinks dazedly.

“Oh,” he asks.

“I have like three exams, and two papers this week, and now I have another lab paper I wasn’t expecting.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Kevin says again, but this time it sounds like he understands, “Anything I can do?”

Aaron snorts, “You already got food, so.”

Kevin laughs and Aaron realizes his eyes are still closed. When he opens them, Kevin’s stupid green eyes are smiling at him, little tiny crow’s feet crinkled on the sides. Aaron glares at him and Kevin’s arms release him slowly. “Got it,” he says, and it’s soft, “No touching. Study.”

Aaron continues to glare for a second, unhappy with the angle his head has to tilt at to reach its target. “What food did you get?” he asks.

Kevin smiles, “Burgers.”

He’s up far too late working on the lab paper, wanting it to be finished, and startles when Kevin nudges his shoulder. Aaron blinks at him, remembering Kevin getting up to shower, and then….

“I fell asleep,” he grumbles, closing his laptop and pushing it off his lap. Kevin hums at him, from next to the couch, and Aaron stretches.

“Yeah you did,” Kevin answers, and Aaron looks at his stupid smile for a minute before once again pulling his shirt. He doesn’t pull hard enough, his limbs not listening and still half-asleep, but Kevin leans down anyway.

Every time is different, he thinks. Sometimes it’s like a wave of Kevin. Sometimes it’s like a sigh of Kevin. And sometimes, like this, it’s like a caress. Like Kevin thinks he’s going to break, so he’s being extra soft.

Kevin’s lips vibrate against his and Aaron is pretty sure he’s may be talking out loud. Kevin’s eyes meet his and he smiles. He keeps smiling and Aaron isn’t sure how to handle it.

“I don’t think you’re going to break,” Kevin tells him, a laugh in his words. “Time for bed,” he says next and Aaron grumbles, arms lifting and body slumping into the couch.

“Carry me,” Aaron demands.

Kevin actually laughs now, and asks, “You sure about that?”

Aaron snorts at him, “Like you don’t _enjoy_ proving you can pick me up.”

Kevin smiles at him for a beat, eyes glittering, and Aaron is suddenly awake.

“That wasn’t a dare,” Aaron clarifies quickly, but Kevin is already grinning and leaning over him.

“Too late,” Kevin laughs. Aaron nearly kicks him, but Kevin manages to get an arm around him and under him and the feeling of weightlessness makes his arms slide around Kevin’s neck on instinct.

“Don’t you dare drop me, Day,” Aaron snaps, but it comes out sounding more like a laugh.

Kevin’s voice is smug and smiling when he answers, “Wouldn’t dream of it.” When he’s standing again, Aaron’s legs wrapped around his side, Kevin grins at him and Aaron glares back, sliding his hand into Kevin’s short hair and pulling. Kevin is still smiling when Aaron kisses him.

“Don’t get used to this,” Aaron tells him, grumbling against his lips.

“Which part,” Kevin asks, and Aaron doesn’t hesitate.

“Don’t be stupid, please,” he sighs, pressing in again, “I mean the carrying.”

“Oh,” Kevin hums, walking now, but still watching Aaron’s face, “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Do you dream of me a lot,” Aaron teases and Kevin just hums again, stretching to meet Aaron’s lips and press them together again.

It’s sloppy and transfixing in a way that kissing hasn’t been before. Aaron sighs against him again, lips still secure and warm and just wet enough to slide together easily.

Aaron pulls back again when Kevin tilts them forward, or back in Aaron’s case, and he clutches onto his shoulders. Kevin laughs, but expertly lowers him back onto the bed, and then kisses him again. It takes another moment for Aaron to realize that he’s half-hard between them. And then another to realize that he’s not freaking out about it, and neither is Kevin. He holds on when Kevin pulls back again, eyes still closed but his train of thought deliberate.

“Stay,” he asks, and forces his eyes open to meet Kevin’s above him.

“You sure?” Kevin asks.

Aaron stops to evaluate his own thoughts and is sure when he nods, “If you are.”

Kevin takes a moment, eyes watching Aaron’s before he nods.

Aaron grins up at him sheepishly then, “Will you plug my computer in first, though?”

Kevin laughs at him and steps back, tracking back into the living room.

Aaron swallows when he realizes that he’s not the only one hard, the outline of Kevin’s dick visible against his athletic shorts. It’s not panic that makes his gut burn this time, but he forces down a deep breath and quickly changes out of his jeans and into a pair of thin pajama pants while Kevin rustles around in the living room and the lights click off. Aaron pulls back the covers just as Kevin returns to his doorway.

Kevin pauses just inside the room and Aaron watches him until he says, “This may not go well.”

Aaron assumes he means the sleeping and lifts one eyebrow in question. “Don’t have to,” he says.

Kevin cuts him off quickly, “I know, I want to. But if you have tests tomorrow-”

Aaron cuts him off now, “Come here, Day.” Kevin sags in either relief or embarrassment but stops just next to the bed where Aaron is sitting. Aaron forces himself to not grumble but kneels on the mattress to be eyelevel. “Do you want the side or the wall,” Aaron asks him finally. Kevin smirks and peers at Aaron through his eyelashes like some big flirt and Aaron pointedly does not melt.

“Side,” Kevin answers finally, soft again. “I have training in the morning. Do you work?”

“No,” Aaron answers, sliding back across the mattress even as he continues, “Not until Saturday, with all these stupid tests.”

Kevin hums and then slips onto the mattress himself, clicking the bedside lamp off as he lays down. It takes a minute of shuffling for both of them before Aaron pushes Kevin’s shoulder and commands him to roll over. Aaron slides in behind him and spoons him before Kevin sighs deeply, and they both settle.

Aaron is almost asleep when he hears Kevin mumble, “My bed is bigger.”

Aaron snorts, “Maybe tomorrow.” Then he tightens his arm again and sighs, “Go to sleep.”

He’s making it too easy, Aaron thinks still sleepily as Kevin’s phone chirps from the bedside table. The room is still dark, the nearly winter sun not yet up at 5:30 in the morning. But Kevin’s head is pressed against Aaron’s neck, his longer arm across Aaron’s torso, the other curled up between them. Aaron’s arm is asleep under his pillow and Kevin’s head both, but he moves it to wake it up as he runs his fingers through Kevin’s thick hair.

The alarm is just loud enough to wake him up, but Kevin hasn’t stirred yet, and Aaron wonders how much trouble he had falling asleep. Their legs are tangled, with Kevin’s thigh between his legs, pressed just teasingly enough against his half-hard dick.

Kevin stirs, sighing against Aaron’s neck and his legs shifts, and Aaron moans. Even barely awake, Kevin freezes, and Aaron knows he’s probably realizing their situation.

Kevin’s alarm clicks into a snooze but neither of them move.

After a moment, Aaron sighs and says, “Morning.”

Kevin hums, and Aaron feels the vibration of it in his chest where Kevin is pressed in close. “Okay,” Kevin asks, softly, voice rough and sleepy. He sounds like a dream and Aaron’s dick twitches suspiciously. He knows Kevin feels it when he swallows audibly right before his chin tilts and his lips attach to Aaron’s throat, making him moan again.

“Absolutely,” Aaron answers finally, and Kevin is awake, body tilting and weight shifting until he’s on top of Aaron again.

They both moan when Kevin tilts his hips next and Aaron can feel Kevin dick right alongside his, hot, half-hard as well and heavy. Oh so heavy, and Aaron feels it like a zing up his spine that Kevin is aroused as well.

Kevin doesn’t press down hard, his lips still attached to kiss and nibble down the column of Aaron’s throat, and it feels like all he can do is cuss and hold on. Kevin’s arms bracket his head, slipping under the pillow and Aaron grabs onto his hair again. Kevin always keeps it so short during the season, but Aaron finds the part with length on the top of his head and pulls just enough that Kevin moans into his skin, his hips twisting against Aaron’s _just right_.

Kevin kisses downward and Aaron can’t bring himself to care if he’ll end up with a hickey, like some freaking high schooler, and he lifts his hips into Kevin’s with a bit more emphasis when Kevin has to adjust to pull at his shirt when he can go no lower.

“Off,” Aaron commands and they work in unison to sit back and up and pull it over his head, and then Aaron grabs Kevin’s and they’re both shirtless before they collapse back down again.

If he were less aroused, Aaron is pretty sure he’d make some crack about this being a better teamwork synergy.

But he is very aroused and now a shirtless Kevin is pressing against him, and it’s a thousand times hotter with their skin pressed together. And then Kevin kisses him, morning breath be damned and Aaron groans into him, their dicks aligning again through their shorts, and he wants more.

“Fuck,” Kevin gasps shifting again, and one hand reaching down to trail blunt fingers against Aaron’s side. Aaron isn’t sure if he’s trying to guide him or slow him down, but he leans into the hand, sighing as Kevin’s mouth finds the other side of his neck now. Aaron lifts his feet from the mattress and closes his knees against Kevin’s sides, and they both moan again. Aaron knows exactly what he’s done, and Kevin pants against his neck heavier and heavier with every thrust of their hips against each other and Aaron can feel his orgasm tightening in his gut.

This is no longer a hypothetical, Aaron realizes, this is sex. One hand still buried in Kevin’s hair and the other clutching uselessly against his naked side, Aaron comes in his pants with Kevin between his legs, only moments before Kevin himself stutters and then tenses against him. Kevin kisses him again, sloppy and lax and their chest press together as they come down.

Kevin’s alarm goes off a moment later, and they both laugh, breathless. Aaron’s hand is still in his hair and their hips are pressed together intimately. “Morning,” Kevin sighs this time, pecking Aaron’s neck again. Aaron hums, making his fingers let go and his thighs relax. “Okay,” Kevin asks, and Aaron meets his eyes, barely able to see them in the low light of Kevin’s phone singing on the bedside table.

“Very,” Aaron answers, the softness of his own voice surprising him, but Kevin smiles like the sun and that’s makes it okay.

It taken two months, but Aaron is pretty confident that he is very viably attracted to men, and Kevin Day in particular.

Tuesday’s classes are two three-hour lectures with an hour and twenty-minute break in the middle.

He finds a corner of the library to read over the lab paper from last night during the break and somehow, really somehow, Madeline finds him.

“Hey,” she greets, sliding into the chair across from him. Aaron stares at her for a minute. He’s nearly perfected something like Andrew’s glare that makes people avoid him, but Madeline James seems immune.

“Hi,” Aaron snaps back, clicking off the music playing in his headphones, “Are you stalking me?”

She snorts, and Aaron is already convinced he’s okay with it if she is, but Madeline says, “God no. That would be Toby, but he always lingers about fifty feet away so that you don’t ever know.”

Aaron hums, and says, “Oh,” not actually sure if she’s joking or not.

Then she stops, backpack open on her lap and her laptop halfway out. Then she clears her throat and says, “You have a hickey.”

Aaron nods, something complicated taking place in his gut. Not because she’s pointed out that he has a hickey, or even that she is still staring at it. It just that he feels weirdly proud of it and he likes the weird double tap his heart does when he remembers that it’s there.

He likes it. That’s all.

Not the hickey, really. Just that _he has a hickey_.

“Yeah,” he answers with a shrug, “I do.”

Madeline continues to stare at him and then she smiles, nodding once and says, “Are you busy Friday?”

“Last time someone asked me that, I ended up at the Alley,” Aaron tells her.

Madeline grins, and teasingly asks, “So you’re generally free on Friday nights?”

Aaron nods, giving a small shrug as well, “Yeah, generally. Unless there’s a game I feel morally obligated to watch.”

“I can understand that compulsion,” she agrees, then continues, “One of the trauma guys rents a house nearby and he’s throwing a Halloween slash end of midterms weeks party on Friday.”

Aaron shakes his head, “I wish the collegiate gods would reconsider their calendar.”

Madeline presses on, “Would you want to come with me?”

Aaron stares at her now, blinking several times.

She adds, “Toby and Dom won’t come. Dom doesn’t get along with some of the Trauma people. But I went to high school with a few of them and was invited, and I kind of want to go.” She almost sounds like she thinks it may be a question. “I haven’t seen them in a while, though, so I’m not sure if it’ll be super cool or super weird, so I don’t want to go alone.”

Suddenly Aaron sighs, “Oh god,” he says, “We’re friends.” Madeline blinks at him owlishly through her stupid boho glasses and she’s looks so startled, Aaron knows he’s right, and says, “Yeah, I’ll go.”

Madeline blinks at him again and then smiles. It’s pretty on her, but in a platonic way, he thinks. “Really,” she asks.

“Did you think I’d say no,” Aaron asks instead.

Madeline shrugs, and then grimaces, “Kind of.”

They both laugh a bit and then Aaron tells her, “I don’t have anything else to do. Kevin will be in Kansas. Andrew’s game is on Thursday, the poor fucker. And Josten’s game is late on Saturday.”

“Neil Josten,” Madeline asks suddenly and Aaron peers at her for a moment.

“Yeah, Neil Josten,” he answers.

She smirks, “Do you watch all your old teammates games?”

Aaron almost says it, but then pauses. Because sure, Madeline is apparently his friend, but Neil is grudgingly family. He’s not even sure if Andrew and Neil have plans to go public ever, though he knows the long distance, separate teams bull is on a short list of issues Andrew intends to fix.

He knows it from how his brother only signed a three-year contract, and a two-year lease on his apartment. Andrew also hates Boston’s winters. Andrew has no intention on staying anywhere Josten isn’t for much longer.

But to Madeline, who just crossed into friendship all he says is, “Yeah, sometimes.”

When he gets out of his last lecture, Aaron stops at the market on the corner and picks up food to make for dinner. It’s not uncommon, he tells himself, it’s not weird. But he does want something healthier knowing that the next three days all he’s going to want are carbs and grease for the stress alone.

The chicken is nearly done in the skillet, the broccoli is steamed, and the sweet potatoes are mashed by the time Kevin gets back from training.

Kevin stares at him over the island for a moment to long and without turning around Aaron snaps, “Don’t be stupid.” He hears Kevin laugh and drop his duffle by his bedroom, and a moment later his arms snake around Aaron’s shoulders.

“What the occasions,” Kevin asks leaning to peer into the pot with the broccoli and nearly taking Aaron with him.

“Careful,” Aaron scolds and Kevin’s arms loosen, “And no occasion, unless you count midterms.”

“Do we count Midterms,” Kevin asks, and Aaron’s stomach does a little flip at the phrasing.

“I guess,” Aaron grumbles, “If it makes me cook.”

Kevin chuckles and leans down to press a kiss against his cheek.

Aaron does not melt.

“Smells good,” Kevin comments and Aaron grumbles again.

“What time do you leave on Friday?”

“Have to be at the stadium by ten,” Kevin answers, “Flight is at noon, I think. Why?”

Aaron sighs, flipping the nearly done chicken breasts and says, “Madeline asked me to go to a party with her.” Kevin hums and Aaron continues, “Some of her friends from high school are in CMS trauma with her. Fuck face and Toby won’t go, so asked me as a buffer.”

“You guys are friends,” Kevin asks, and Aaron feel more validated than ever.

“It was news to me to,” Aaron tells him, “but I said yes, so I guess we are.”

Kevin hums again, and this time it’s small.

Aaron looks at him, leaning against the island and snaps, “What?”

Kevin blinks up at him and shakes his head, “Nothing.” But his voice is still too small and Aaron sighs, flipping off the burner and shoving the chickens onto a plate.

“Sure it is,” Aaron snaps, “Use your words, Day.”

Kevin takes a few moments, flicking a nonexistent piece of lint off the island in front of him, and Aaron serves up two plates with the chicken, a few spoonfuls of sweet potatoes and fills the rest with broccoli. “I just keep waiting for this to,” he makes an exploding gesture with his hands as Aaron places the plates between them. “Like, I keep waiting for you to says ‘psych, never mind’ and it’s not happening and I’m, confused.”

Aaron tries to shrug indifferently, but he knows his face is probably giving him away, “Yeah, me too,” he says honestly, and Kevin gapes at him for a second, before he continues, “But it’s been like a month and a half month, so at this point I think we’re may be stuck with it.”

Kevin huffs and stares and looks like this is once again, not at all what he was expecting.

So, Aaron takes a deep breath and adds, “I have no idea what I’m doing though, so if you have any reservations or expectations about sex stuff, now is probably the time to bring those up.”

Kevin shakes his head immediately, eyes locked on to the island in front of him and his cheeks reddening and says, “Nope, none of those,” so quickly that Aaron snorts.

“ _None_ ,” Aaron asks, skeptically, grinning, “Really?”

And Kevin finally looks at him, grinning just a bit himself and tilts his head as he says, “Well, not _none_ , per say.”

“That’s what I thought,” Aaron laughs, and this feels okay. Then he pushes one of the plates closer to Kevin.

“Looks good,” Kevin sighs and picks up his fork. Aaron picks up his own and they eat for a few minutes in relative silence, before Kevin says, “Really?” Aaron looks up at him and hums around a piece of broccoli quizzically. “You never,” Kevin asks, looking conflicted, and making a hand gesture that Aaron assumes is supposed to imply _gay sex_ , adding, “Ever before?” Aaron glares at him eating through the broccoli in his mouth before he can reply, but Kevin adds, “ _cause_ ,” in a very innuendo-based tone and Aaron feels his entire face flush.

“No,” he answers, swallowing thickly because of emotions not so much the broccoli, “Never have I ever.”

Kevin squints at him, and asks with teasing suspicion, “Really?”

“Jesus,” Aaron sighs, “It’s not that different from hetero sex.”

“It kind of is,” Kevin nods, “In pretty specific ways.”

“I mean,” Aaron continues, trying to not feel like an idiot, “I watch porn.”

Kevin squints at him again, but he just stares this time.

Aaron grumbles, “Yes, gay porn.”

Kevin nods slowly, less skeptic, but still inquisitive, “You learned to do _that_ from, _watching porn_?”

Aaron nods and swallows, because Kevin is still staring at him, like he’s waiting for the rest of the story, “Yeah. And well.” Aaron swallows and hides his eyes behind his hand for a moment, because his face feels like it could light a candle. “Well, I _practiced_.”

He literally hears it when Kevin swallows, and when Aaron moves his hand, Kevin is staring at him, heavily. Like, he’s probably imaging it and Aaron is simultaneously embarrassed and painfully aroused.

Kevin clears his throat nosily and picks up his fork again, “ _Practice_ , right.”

Aaron watches him closely. “Is that weird,” he asks.

Kevin shakes his head instantly and Aaron embarrassment gives way to just arousal, and he’s not sure if its better. “Nope,” Kevin says, voice thick and eyes on his plate, “Not weird at all. Probably a good thing really.”

“Yeah,” Aaron asks, and he can hear how rough his voice is, and it makes him blush even more.

Kevin suddenly sighs and buries his face in his hands, “God, stop talking.” Aaron laughs, but Kevin adds, “And don’t look at me, for at least the next ten minutes.”

Aaron laughs softly again, but finishes his plat before finally asking, “Are we dating, then?”

Kevin hums, blush nearly gone and looks up at him through his eyelashes again before saying, “I’m not allowed to date.”

Aaron snorts, “Satan was serious.”

Kevin nods, “She was, weirdly. And besides, then she would assume that you were the reason I traded.”

Aaron peers at him now and finally asks, “Why did you trade?”

Kevin stares at him for a moment and then glares at his plate, sprinkled with the remnants of broccoli and chicken. “Dallas was hard, by myself,” he answers softly, “The team was good, but they all had their own places already. Akers and Morris were solid,” he says, and Aaron recognizes the names of the two former Raven strikers, “So breaking between them was nearly impossible, especially since they made it clear they didn’t want me there.” Kevin laughs but it’s hallow, until he shakes his head and shrugs, “I looked for a trade and I already had an offer from the Knights when Neil mentioned you needed a roommate.”

“Neil,” Aaron asks.

Kevin nods, “Yeah, it was the first thing he said after I told him I was looking into trading.”

Aaron pauses and digests for a second before he snaps, “Fucking _Neil_ suggested it?”

Kevin looks at him, nearly startled, and then he nods.

Aaron smirks, “So you traded to Chicago to be my roommate?”

Kevin looks like he’s about to dispute, but then he seals his lips with a smirk and shrugs, “Maybe.”

Aaron adds, “So we’re dating?”

This time Kevin grins and then shrugs again with forced indifference, “Guess so.”

When they moved in, Kevin had no furniture. The day they’d moved in Kevin had a dresser and bed delivered. So, Aaron theoretically knew that Kevin had a brand-new Kings size memory foam bed. Theoretically, up until Kevin was dragging him off the couch, sleepy after reviewing notes too long again, and into Kevin’s bedroom this time.

They’re bedrooms were nearly the same size, but Kevin’s massive bed was pushed up against the exterior wall, with walk room along the wall that adjoined Aaron’s room, while the other wall had the doorway to Kevin’s bathroom. He had already showered for the second time today, after eating and dressed in his pajama’s.

“Go to sleep,” Kevin tells him, tipping him onto the bed, “I’m going to shower real fast.”

The bathroom door closes behind him and Aaron lays down on the large, ridiculously comfortable bed and groans. How Kevin expects him to go to sleep while knowing he’s naked on the other side of that door Aaron has no idea.

Aaron presses his face into one of the million pillows that cover’s Kevin’s bed and sighs. They use the same shampoo and body wash, that they bought while shopping a few weeks ago, but somehow Kevin’s bed smells different, more like Kevin.

His imagination is on overdrive with new ideas and probably stress, but suddenly all Aaron can think about is Kevin masturbating, right here, in this bed. His dick throbs and Aaron groans, and then Kevin cuts off the water in the shower.

 _Kevin’s naked, right there_ , Aaron’s libido tells him, and it’s somewhere between torture and perfect when his hips twitch and the fabric of his pajamas rubs against his sensitive skin.

The door to the bathroom opens and Aaron sighs quietly. Kevin is already redressed in a pair of track pants and a loose tank top, and Aaron wishes he were naked anyway.

“What time do you have class tomorrow,” Kevin asks.

“Eight,” Aaron answers, but it sounds needy and breathy, with his face still half pressed into the pillow.

Kevin arches one eyebrow and peers down at him, already smirking, “You okay?”

Aaron huffs, and says, “I swear I’m not normally like this.”

Kevin’s eyes are glittering when he asks, “Like what?”

Aaron nearly growls, “Come here.”

Kevin’s grin is the last thing he sees before the light clicks off, and Kevin pulls the comforter back to climb into bed. “It’s okay,” Kevin tells him, voice laughing through the dark. He crawls over to where Aaron lays, rolling over so they align easily, Kevin says, “I like that you like me.”

Aaron groans, partly because Kevin’s hip roll into his as he says it, and partly because then they’re kissing. Partly because he likes it too.

It’s three-ten when Aaron jerks awake, Kevin’s knee jutting into his thigh and Aaron bolts up, disorientate for a moment before instantly reaching back to nudge Kevin’s shoulder until he wakes up fully.

“Hey,” he coaxes, Kevin’s breath comes in quick gasps and Aaron tries to stop his head from exploding out of his chest from the start. Kevin rolls onto his back, the giant king-sized bed the only thing that probably kept one or both of them from falling out of it. Kevin’s hand rub at his face and his eyes and Aaron stays sitting up until he seems like he’s calmer. “What do you need,” Aaron asks, voice tired but his body is a livewire still coming down.

But then Kevin is looking back up at him and sighs, “Shit.”

Aaron isn’t upset. He’d expected this actually. His own nightmares were far and few between anymore, but they came like the rain and he would wake screaming for Tilda at the worst times. Katelyn had been used to it and would coax him back to bed after a while.

But Aaron is very aware that he has no idea how Kevin reacts to his own nightmares. Until he says, “Come here?” and Aaron moves back into him without hesitation. Kevin pulls him down and tucks his head against Aaron’s neck again, large arms wrapping around him and their legs tangling. “Sorry,” Kevin sighs, hot breath against Aaron’s neck.

“No,” Aaron tells him, “Don’t be.” His hand finds its way back into Kevin’s hair and the other wraps against his shoulder. “This okay?” he asks after a minute, Kevin’s breath slowing more.

“Yeah,” Kevin answers, voice thick and watery.

“Do you want to talk about it,” Aaron asks next, able to feel Kevin’s heart beating heavily in his throat.

Under his jaw, Kevin’s head shakes. “No,” he answers eventually, “Go back to sleep.”

“You’ll be okay,” Aaron asks, eyes already falling closed.

Kevin nods again. “I’m good now,” he says, sighing.

On Wednesday, Aaron has an exam, then another exam and then turns in a paper. Which considering it’s usually all cramming material in his head, and this is taking stuff out, he’s somehow exhausted when he gets back to the apartment. Kevin smiles up at him from the couch, and Aaron sighs, “Do you want to take a nap?”

Which is how he finds himself blinking awake at six in the evening. Kevin sighs behind him, and Aaron stretches, pressing Kevin’s erection into his back more.

“I swear, I might actually be like this all the time,” Kevin says, voice deep and sleepy, and Aaron snorts.

“Asshole,” he chirps and Kevin hums, lips attaching to Aaron’s shoulder teasingly and Aaron curls against him again. Kevin’s exposed hand wraps around Aaron’s chest and teases along his stomach. He grabs hold of Aaron’s hip and cants forward so his dick presses against Aaron’s ass and Aaron sighs, “god damnit.” Kevin’s teeth nip at Aaron’s shoulder as their hips roll together and the pull of the fabric of his trackpants he’d put on to nap is just short of stimulating enough. He groans in frustration, one hand fisting the pillow still under his head and the other reaching back to pull on Kevin’s hair again.

Kevin groans when Aaron tugs on the strands and then he whispers right next to Aaron’s ear, “Can I blow you?”

Aaron’s brain short circuits for about three seconds before he laughs, “Are you expecting me to say ‘no’?”

Kevin laughs, mouthing along his neck but still says, “That wasn’t a yes,” as the hand on his hip slides along the top seam of Aaron’s pants.

Aaron snaps, “Yes, Kevin, please blow me.” He intended it to be nearly sarcastic, but when Kevin’s teeth sink into his throat, just teasing the line between pleasure and pain, it turns into more of a whine. Kevin chuckles, and his chest vibrates against Aaron’s back when his hand slips into Aaron’s pants.

Kevin groans instantly, his hand immediately coming into contact with Aaron’s dick. “Why aren’t you wearing underwear,” Kevin sigh.

Aaron didn’t think about it, because Aaron never wears underwear, but he realizes that usually people wear underwear and laughs. Instead of an actual answer, he rolls his hips back and says, “Surprise.”

Kevin groans again and his mouth presses to Aaron’s throat, “Are you trying to kill me?”

Aaron hums, “You can’t die from orgasms, just dehydration.” Kevin’s eyes roll so hard, Aaron can feel it. Or maybe it’s how Kevin’s hand smooths over his erection and slowly, with just enough pressure strokes over him. It’s dry and hot and only lasts a moment, before Kevin moves from behind him and situates himself between Aaron’s legs, taking his track pants with him in a very coordinated move.

Kevin kisses along his stomach on his way down and his unoccupied left hand bluntly scratches along Aaron’s hip. Kevin holds his eyes the entire time, the light through the window drapes next to the bed warm as the sun sets. Kevin’s right hand settles at his base, and his tongue paints a quick stripe up the underside of his member, before Kevin’s lips seal over him and his head tips back down, eyes finally sliding closed.

They both groan and Aaron feels his heart kick start.

“Jesus,” Aaron sighs.

And fucking Kevin, pulls back just far enough to say, “Nope, still Kevin.”

And Aaron laughs without meaning to, “Are you fucking serious?” He stares down at him and somehow Kevin smiles with his dick still in his mouth, eyes glittering as his tongue doing something complicated along the underside and Aaron remembers to breathe a moment too late.

It occurs to him a minute later, as he’s groaning and whining more than he has in recent memory, that Kevin is very good at this. His mouth knows when to suck to produce the best suction and his tongue is probably possessed because it’s making Aaron insane. One of Kevin’s hands even rolls his balls with just enough pressure at one point to make his hips kick up.

Aaron feels like he’s ten seconds away from coming when he realizes that one of Kevin’s hands his missing, only to locate it rapidly jerking off his own erection.

“Fuck,” he cusses, the sight alone adding to his impending release. But then the hand that had been teasing his balls dips back just to press at Aaron’s sphincter and it rolls just right.

And that was one of his fantasies wasn’t it. Kevin’s fingers probing at his lubed and waiting ass.

“Fuck,” he says again, with every intention of adding a bit more warning, but then his eyes lock with Kevin’s and he groans as he spills into his mouth.

Kevin swallows as Aaron tries to catch his breath, but then he releases Aaron with a pop, and tucks his head against his stomach. It’s only a moment later when Kevin whines, and his body tenses. Aaron’s dick twitches and he hisses, making Kevin look up at him, lips shining, eyes hooded.

Aaron wants to kiss him, regardless that he had a dick in his mouth. “Come here,” Aaron instructs, and Kevin does, one hand supporting him, as he leans over Aaron and kisses him. Sloppy, sleepily and perfect.

Kevin leans back too soon and uses the hand that had been supporting him to tuck himself back into his pants. Then he maneuvers off the bed wiggling his very obviously come covered left hand on his way to the bathroom.

Aaron sighs, sloppy wet dick still on display, and turns his head back into the pillow. “You want to take another nap,” he asks loud enough that Kevin can hear him over the water in the bathroom. Kevin laughs.

“You mean you don’t have studying to do,” Kevin calls back. Aaron groans, in a completely different way than he has been previously.

“Wow, way to be a buzz kill,” Aaron sighs, and Kevin emerges from the bathroom, a damp washcloth in his hand even, but he stops. Aaron is very aware of being checked out, having napped with only his pants on, which were now not on. He’s very much on display, sprawled over Kevin’s bed. “Don’t look at me like that,” he says, adding, “You brought up studying. You did this to yourself.”

Kevin smiles, like he’s okay with this and hands Aaron the washcloth from a distance. “One of us has to have restrain,” he jokes and Aaron snorts, even as he wipes down his flagging member.

“And that’s you? Mr. ‘can I blow you’ Day?”

But Kevin just smiles at him and when Aaron finishes with the washcloth leans over him to press their lips together softly. “We can trade off,” he says when he pulls back.

Aaron snorts again, “Yeah well, next time, when I blow you, we can reevaluate that.”

Kevin lifts an eyebrow pointedly and grins, “Is that a promise.”

Aaron pauses deliberately, meeting Kevin’s eyes and trying to seem as confidant as he feels, “Absolutely.”

It’s so easy, that Aaron starts to remember the beginning with Katelyn.

Okay, not _the beginning_. The beginning after the bullshit with Andrew. When they were allowed to actually be together without worrying, even though that came with all the mob shit and then Baltimore. But.

Aaron doesn’t remember it ever being this easy with Katelyn.

And he’s not sure if he should.

But Kevin stretches out to play a game and then watch a show on the couch while Aaron studies. On Thursday morning, they get up around the same time, for Aaron to leave for school and Kevin to head into the gym and then practice. Aaron showers, and when he comes out Kevin slides him a plate with two slices of toast, and a large pile of spinach and eggs. Kevin’s plate looks the same, but without the toast.

It’s the first time he kisses Kevin as he leaves and Kevin just stares at him until Aaron says, “have a good day,” and then he grins like the sun and Aaron pointedly does not melt until he’s in the hallway waiting for the elevator.

His exam makes him feel like he was worried for nothing and he’s nearly not surprised when Madeline finds him in the library again. Plopping down on the chair across from him and her eyebrows pinch, “You have another hickey.”

Aaron sighs. “Where is this party,” he asks instead of answering.

Aaron likes Madeline, he realizes when she answers, “It’s on fifteenth.” She’s not caught up in his hickeys, but he should tell Kevin to avoid the throat. It is winter and he could get away with a turtleneck, but it would probably make him feel suffocated and turtlenecks are too Andrew, really.

“Where do you want to meet,” he asks next.

“I can pick up you up if you want,” she answers, poking at her phone now, “There’s a lot near to the house where I can park.”

“Alright,” Aaron tells her.

“When does Kevin leave,” she asks next and Aaron falters. But Madeline looks at him not as if she’s implying anything. There’s no tone that says ‘ _you boys_ ’ in her voice. She’s just asking when his roommate leaves, and Aaron likes Madeline.

“In the morning,” he says.

Madeline theatrically snaps her fingers, “Darn, still won’t get to see the Exy star in his natural habitat.” She laughs and Aaron snorts.

“Would you want to go to a game,” he asks and Madeline’s eyes bulge, “That’s really his habitat.”

“Uh, yes,” she answers like it’s obvious, then pauses, hold out a hand between them, “Are they good seats?”

Aaron shrugs, “I mean, they’re probably okay. He asked for the Centaur’s game, I just forgot to ask you guys.”

Madeline snorts now, “Dom will pee his pants.”

Aaron grins and then frowns, “Does he have to go?”

“Unless you want Toby literally touching you, yeah probably,” Madeline answers.

Aaron sighs, “You keep saying things like that.”

She stares him down, “He knows you’re not interested, but we’re attracted to who we’re attracted to.” She shrugs like this is the simplest thing in the world.

Aaron, at once, feels like it may be true.

“What about you,” Aaron asks, before he can stop himself.

Madeline startles and gapes at him just enough for Aaron to know this was probably the wrong questions. But she tucks a dread behind her shoulder and shakes her head, lips pinched when she says, “I’m not.”

Aaron doesn’t press and waits for her to meet his eyes, before he says, “Okay.”

Madeline meets his eyes for a minute and Aaron wonders what she’s thinking, but then she relaxes a bit and nods. “Thanks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @ Arkadavinia  
> Yell at me and tell me I offended you. Or that I didn't.  
> Extra Points if you do it in a gif.


	7. We Grow Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“We don’t have to go,” Aaron tells her and Madeline sighs.  
>  “I already told her I was on the way,” she says.  
> “Who’s her,” Aaron asks.  
> “Tiffany,” she says.  
> _  
> Aaron does Halloween. Kevin has some issues in Kansas.

7.

Kevin packs his suitcase again on Friday morning, while Aaron packs his backpack for class.

“Planes rarely crash,” Aaron tells him and then kisses him lightly. Kevin chuckles against his lips and is still smiling when he pulls back.

“Thrilling,” Kevin whispers and Aaron shrugs.

“I try,” Aaron says, then adds, “I’m sleeping in your bed.”

“It is bigger,” Kevin agrees and then pushes him toward the door, saying, “I’ll text you when we land. Have fun at your party.”

Aaron sighs, “Now that truly sounds thrilling.”

Kevin’s answering laugh is stuck in his head all the way to his lecture.

Toby turns around as soon as he sits down in front of Aaron, but whatever he had been about to say dies in his mouth and his eyes very pointedly stick on Aaron’s fading and not so fading hickeys for a long moment. Eventually he shakes his head and glares at Aaron in a renewed fashion, “You told Maddy you’d go to that party tonight?”

Aaron nods, “She asked. What can I say?”

Toby sighs, “You know the people there are all going to be assholes, right?”

“I have been called such quite a few times,” Aaron tells him, nodding slowly.

Toby rolls his eyes, “You know what I mean.”

“I do,” Aaron agrees, but then pauses and makes sure Toby is listening when he says, “But I’d rather be annoyed with assholes than let her go to a party with asshole by herself.”

Toby stares at him for another moment, this time looking at his face, not his neck and then nods once. The effect if ruined when he says, “Hickeys are tacky.”

Aaron snorts and has to nod, “I agree.”

Toby sighs heavily as he faces the front of the room again.

The party is already packed by the time Madeline picks him up at eight and drives them the four blocks to the two-story cookie cutter townhouse. There are at least four people sitting on the stoop smoking and Madeline does a complicated two-step a few feet down the block. Aaron recognizes the motion from his own foray into bailing on things.

“We don’t have to go,” Aaron tells her and Madeline sighs.

“I already told her I was on the way,” she says.

“Who’s her,” Aaron asks.

“Tiffany,” she says, face pinching and lips puckering like she’s tasted something bitter, “We were best friends in middle school, and she went to TU for undergrad but then moved back for last year, and.” She stops and looks at Aaron like she’s not sure what else she’s supposed to say, then shrugs, “She was my best friend.”

“And she wants to reconnect at a Halloween party,” Aaron asks to clarify.

Madeline sighs, and exasperatedly says, “No, she wanted to reconnect over coffee in April, and then, at her mom’s in July. We were neighbors.”

Aaron nods, the picture forming. “You’re ducking her?”

“No,” Madeline insists and Aaron frowns at her.

“Sounds like it, though.”

She stops, short little platform heels dancing along the sidewalk a pace in front of where Aaron is waiting for her.

It takes a minute before she nods more confidently, looking at the house, three rows down and then back at Aaron, “What the worst that can happen?”

Aaron instantly shakes his head, “Terrible thought experiment.” Madeline’s face falls instantly, but Aaron continues. “This is a party where you know more people than a person you used to be friends with, who you may not be friends with anymore,” he says.

More than whatever she was working herself up with, this seems to perk Madeline up.

“If she says something stupid and pretentious and grown up, you can just come tell me about it and then we can bail, if you want,” he offers, “But if you keep ducking her, you might run into her somewhere even less ideal so you should just own up and say hi while I’m here.”

When he finishes Madeline is smiling at him, with a small secure grin, that looks more her than the silly floral print pants and flowy boho top she’s wearing, and Aaron feels like they are probably real friends.

Then he adds, “I will be drinking something involving rum, wherever the drinks are,” and slips his arm through hers, dragging them both toward the house.

Inside the music is loud and there is a funky smelling smoke lingering in the entry way that doesn’t dissipate as they make their way further in. The pass a few people who wave hi to Madeline and a few who call out Aaron’s name even. But eventually they find the drink area, set up on the counter in the kitchen that wraps around into a half bar, all of which is covered with cups, empty and full, and soda cans, and tall bottles of alcohol.

They pour drinks too heavily and then sip them toward the back of the kitchen where Aaron pulls himself up on the counter and nudges Madeline with his shoe. “Go,” he snaps, and she looks at him like that something bitter is back in her mouth, “Come back if it’s horrible or you can’t find her, or your drink gets empty.” She grins again and then turns into the crowd with only mild hesitation.

Aaron doesn’t wait to lose sight of her before he’s pulling his phone out and texting Kevin.

_College parties are weird._

The song blasting from the other room changes and Aaron scrolls through WhatsApp for a few minutes before Kevin replies, ‘ _How weird?_ ’

_Like a club, but someone else bought the drinks_ , Aaron tells him.

_Poor business model_ , Kevin replies quickly.

“Aaron,” a feminine voice calls and Aaron’s head whips up as his heart stalls.

Standing on the other side of the bar is Katelyn, and like only forty percent of the people in the room, she’s wearing the little black cat ears and has three little streaks of what is probably eyeliner on her cheeks to simulate whiskers, to accompany her very low and reveling halter top and skirt.

He knows because he helped her do her whiskers straight last year, and this year, standing on the opposite side of someone else’s kitchen, broken up, they’re off center and her left cheek is shorter than the right.

It takes a moment of them staring at each other for Aaron to say, “Hey.”

Katelyn shakes her head instantly though, and says, “What are you doing here?”

“I came with a friend,” he says, “What are you doing here?”

“Tammy invited me,” she says, eyes still wide and blinking. Aaron remembers her friend Tammy, who had not liked Aaron after having a very personal debate about fostering and foster care.

Slowly he nods, twice and then says, “Cool.”

And then he sees her eyes slide down just enough that he knows she’s suddenly staring at the faded and not so faded hickeys on his neck. Her head tilts to the side and her eyebrows form a line that Aaron knows means that she’s irritated. They have had fights over that line in her forehead.

But looking at her, across someone else’s kitchen and seeing her in person for the first time in nearly five months, Aaron has no desire to fight. Much less, about a line in her forehead that tells him she’s irritated or hickey’s that he’s, for once, not ashamed of.

And maybe she feels the same, because she swallows, turns to the line of drinks and asks, “How are you?”

She looks like Katelyn, he thinks, but she also looks like a stranger.

Aaron thinks about any appropriate way to answer this question and settles on, “Alright. How are you?” It’s compulsive and he feels like he has to ask, really.

Katelyn nods and pours a long splash of vodka into a red solo cup, adds a small splash of sprite and then gulps it down. She’s pouring another one when she finally says, “I’m doing fine.”

Aaron scoffs before he can stop himself and says, “Sure thing, Josten.”

Katelyn barely smirks before she turns and stares him down. Her eyes are sharp and Aaron squirms inside. Because. God, he’d loved her once. He’d never loved anyone before her, not really.

But he’s pretty sure he’ll love after her, more than sure at this point.

His phone is still shining up at him from his hand and Aaron breaks eyes contact to look down at it. There’s another message from Kevin sitting on the screen and Aaron smiles, _Was there at least a door charge?_

Aaron types back without thinking, lips smirking, _Not even a cleaning fee_.

When he looks back up, Katelyn doesn’t look mad anymore. Instead her eyes are glassy, and her lips are quirked just a touch. She looks so sad that Aaron is more dumbfounded by this expression than he’s probably ever been by her about anything.

“I am doing fine,” she says though, and turns to refill her cup.

Aaron nods, fine with not asking any other compulsive questions, and letting her drink in silence. But Katelyn barely finishes filling her cup again, before Madeline is rounding the corner and smiling at him like she’s just seen something horrifying.

“You were right,” she announces, and Aaron tries to not grin.

“Usually, but which part,” he asks, but Madeline beelines for him and Aaron is very aware that her cup is gone.

“This was a horrible idea,” she says, but she sounds excited about it and Aaron wants to laugh, but Katelyn is standing next to her now by coincidence and even she is nodding.

“Should have stayed home,” Katelyn says and when Madeline turns to her, Katelyn mocks cheers at her with her solo cup and then ducks around the wall back toward the living room.

Madeline turns back to Aaron and her mouth is hanging open, “that was-”

Aaron nods, “I am very aware of who that was.”

“Oh shit,” she says anyway, then she suddenly looks concerned, “Are you okay?”

Aaron shrugs, “Had to happen sometime.”

“Did it,” Madeline asks, skeptically.

Aaron nods, “It’s for the best.” Then he asks, “What happened?”

Madeline straightens, her thumbs tucking into the pockets of her floral print pants and proudly says, “She got fat.”

Aaron snorts, “And that makes this a bad idea.”

Madeline nods, “No, Listen. Growing up, Tiffany’s worst fear was getting fat.”

“Growing up isn’t all it’s cracked up to be,” Aaron agrees.

Before Madeline can reply, a guy steps up behind her and Aaron barely manages to not sigh. Spring semester, he and Katelyn took their last math requirement. In that class was Mason Clark, who liked to make a show of flirting with Katelyn while Aaron was present. Sadly, Mason became friends with Tammy, who was also this their math class, and Aaron was somehow stuck with both of them until the breakup.

“Clark,” he greets.

“Minyard,” Mason snaps, challenging.

“Imagine you being here,” Aaron chirps, not at all surprised.

Madeline is looking between them like she’s not at all sure if she should move or stay exactly where she is. Honestly, Aaron isn’t either. But then Katelyn is shoving in behind where Mason looms in the doorway and pushing him out range of any kind of a confrontation. Madeline quickly makes her way back toward Aaron and out of the way.

“Don’t,” Katelyn snaps at the other man, and Aaron wisely says nothing.

“I was just saying hello,” Mason insists, smiling at her so big and fake Aaron wants to gag. Instead Madeline makes the motion for him and Aaron chuckles.

This of course makes Mason looks back at both of them, and then Madeline.

“Didn’t know you liked midgets, James,” Mason suddenly asserts, and Aaron frowns at him as he concludes, “Explains a lot.”

Aaron generally does not consider himself a confrontation person, but suddenly, before he can really reason out why, he’s off the counter and headed for the other much larger man. Katelyn and Madeline step between them before he can make it too far.

Katelyn snaps, “Stop it,” and Mason turns his glare on her for a just a second.

Aaron isn’t stupid, he’s pretty sure he’s seen enough in the whole minute they’ve been in the room to know that they are together or close to it. And oddly, it doesn’t turn anything in his gut or hurt his pride. Mason Clark doesn’t have to be doing anything for Aaron to hate him at this point.

“Let’s go,” Madeline says suddenly, and Aaron glances at her to make sure she’s not upset before he lets her lead them out of the kitchen and then the house.

They’re halfway back to the car before Madeline finally asks, “Still okay?”

And Aaron realizes that he’s been too quiet, digesting.

But when he nods and says, “Yeah,” it’s the truth. “Just want to go home.”

He texts Kevin when they make it back to the car, _Well, that was a bust._

Madeline clears her throat at the next red light and says, “I’m sorry.”

Aaron says, “You didn’t know.”

“I could have guessed,” she asserts though, “She’s been attached to Tammy Reidner’s hip all semester.”

For some reason, this information causes a weird jump in Aaron’s gut, “It’s not your fault.”

“But,” Madeline starts and Aaron cuts her off.

“No ‘buts’,” he says, then continues, “I was serious that it’s better now than running into her later. Any friends we have outside of med school are friends we share. I will see her again, in some capacity, so this was better.” Madeline is silent until they reach Aaron’s building and for some reason he asks, “Do you want to watch the game tomorrow?”

She looks at him, face indecipherable for a minute and then says, “Sure.”

“We can order take out,” he says, “I can’t eat pizza when Kevin’s home or he bitches.”

Madeline snorts, “I never imaged Kevin Day as a bitcher.”

Aaron rolls his eyes, “When you see him next, don’t tell him that.”

“But yeah,” Madeline says, “Watch the game, and pizza.”

“Cool,” Aaron says, “See you tomorrow then.”

_What happened_ , Kevin texts him as he unlocks the door and Aaron sighs.

_Katelyn was there_ , he answers, _We left. I’m home now_.

The read receipt changes on the message and Aaron barely drops his keys on the island before his phone rings.

“Oh, hi,” Aaron sighs, slipping his shoes off inside his bedroom door.

“What happened, though,” Kevin asks, and he sounds carefully blank in a way that makes Aaron pause.

“I mean, she was super thrilled to see me, obviously,” he answers, caking as much sarcasm on as possible, “Though I did manage to avoid Tammy. Her trauma friend who invited her, who was always my number one fan.” Kevin remains quiet and Aaron sighs, unoccupied hand rubbing over his face, “Sorry, this isn’t what you probably want to be talking about before a game.”

Kevin doesn’t answer for a minute, then in a small voice says, “No, this is fine. I’d rather you told me.”

Aaron takes another deep breath and says, “Hi.”

Kevin chuckles and says, “Hi.”

Aaron waits a second before asking, “Is this weird?”

Kevin hums, “Which part? The calling or that your ran into Katelyn at a party?”

Aaron shrugs even though Kevin can’t see him and says, “Either.”

“No,” Kevin insists, “Your school isn’t that big, right?”

“She’s still friends with Allison and Wilds, I don’t want to mess that up for them,” Aaron confesses finally, “They’re close.”

Kevin hums, but doesn’t reply for a minute.

Aaron sighs when the silence lasts too long, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Kevin says instantly, then immediately continues, “Or well. I don’t know. I can’t actually tell if you’re upset because I can’t see you, and I feel like anything I try to say right now will come out wrong over the phone.”

“Oh,” Aaron says, and then stops, because what else is he supposed to say?

Kevin lets the silence hang for another minute.

Aaron asks, “Do you want to hang up?”

There’s no hesitation when Kevin says, “No.”

“Oh,” Aaron says again. Then he sighs and asks, “How’s Kansas?”

Kevin laughs, “Raining actually. Dinner was loud and the hotel is, a hotel. And I think this is the first time I’d rather be home.”

Aaron swallows and digests that sentence, and his cheeks heat, before forcing himself to say, “Say that tomorrow when you’re on the court and I’ll have to committed.”

Kevin laughs still, and then he sighs gustily. There’s another heavy silence when he quiets, though and Aaron doesn’t know how to break it. “You know,” Kevin says, voice small again and Aaron wants to shake him, “If you change your mind, it’s okay.”

It’s an instant frustration that eats at him and Aaron growls, voice serious, “I’m not changing my mind.”

“But,” Kevin says anyway, “If you do.”

Aaron cuts him off, “I wish everyone would stop giving me ‘but’s today. No ‘but’s, I already told you you’re stuck with me, so shut up with that bullshit.”

Kevin is quiet for a minute again, but when he speaks there’s a smile to his words, “No buts? Like, _butts_?”

“Oh my god,” Aaron growls this time.

“Like, none,” Kevin adds, nearly laughing.

“Shut up,” Aaron snaps, cheeks pinking again, “Or I will hang up on you.” But he’s laughing just a bit and Kevin chuckles, still too small, but he laughs. Aaron tries to find the words and sighs a few times before he’s able to say. “I know her. All the bad parts and all the good ones too,” he sighs, one more time, “But I haven’t been in love with her in a long time, I think. It wasn’t terrible at the end, but it was.” He stops, looking for the words again. “It was like trying to fit a square into a circle and the circle was too small, so it went in, but that didn’t make it the right shape, you know.”

Kevin is quiet still, and Aaron gets what he was saying about how nothing seemed to make sense over the phone.

“We weren’t it,” Aaron says, and his eyes press closed, but words aren’t fitting, aren’t taking up as much space as they should, because Kevin isn’t here. He sighs, “Goddamnit, why are you in Kansas.”

Kevin laughs again, but it’s all breath and no real amusement. “Why aren’t you in Kansas with me,” he asks instead, and Aaron wants to cry.

“I’m sleeping in your bed,” he says, instead, hearing how petulant his own voice sounds.

Kevin hum, “Good.”

He changes for bed, Kevin on speaker but still silent before he crosses through the living room to Kevin’s room. His phone charger is even on the nightstand and Aaron huffs in frustration as he throws the comforter back and lays down.

“Madeline is coming over to watch the game tomorrow with me,” Aaron tells him once he’s laying down under the covers, his phone on the pillow next to him in place of where Kevin should be laying.

“That’s cool,” Kevin says, actually sounding like he thinks it is. “You work in the morning, right?”

“Yeah,” Aaron answers.

“Okay,” Kevin says, then, “You should sleep.”

“Yeah,” Aaron says again, “So should you.”

“Yeah,” Kevin agrees, “We both should.”

Aaron waits, huffing in frustration and says, “You better win tomorrow.”

Kevin hums, sounding sleepy already, “You better be watching.”

Aaron sighs this time, feeling like a high schooler, “Goodnight, Kevin.”

“Night, Aaron,” Kevin says, then, “Hang up the phone.”

Aaron laughs, “Fine. Bye.”

“Night,” Kevin replies again, and Aaron ends the call a moment later.

He stares at the ceiling but doesn’t fall asleep for a long time.

Saturday morning at Mar’s passes in a tired fog, and Aaron knows he probably forgot at least three things he normally would do on a Saturday morning. But Sai counts the till before he leaves and at least he didn’t make any errors with that. Mar gives him a long look as he’s clocking out, before she asks, “You okay, kid?”

Aaron wants to explain, but he’s not even sure where he’d start. He pulls on his coat and says, “Just tired.”

Mar smiles sadly and gives him a nod, “If you ever want to talk?”

Aaron smiles back and nods himself, “Thanks, Mar.”

She tussles his hair as he passes her, “Get a haircut, always helps me think better. Have a good week, kid.”

Aaron is halfway down the block when he passes a hairdresser. He stops and stares into the shop for a moment before detouring inside. Madeline had already text him this morning, that she would be over around 4 and would expect pizza upon arrival.

It’s only 2:30 by the time he leaves the hairdressers, the back of his neck suddenly cold without a layer of hair over it, but it’s still around three inches on the top and layered in a way that there is still no good way someone can call him Andrew justly.

He texts Kevin when he gets home, _Cut my hair finally_.

By the time the pizza arrives with Madeline texting him that she’s parking while he’s still retrieving it from the lobby, Kevin hasn’t responded, and Aaron tries to not panic.

But Madeline is a good distraction along with the pregame and the group chat lighting up for a few minutes.

“So, you still talk to all of them,” she asks, on her second plate of pizza and Aaron shrugs.

“Sometimes,” he shrugs and answers honestly, barely making his way through one plate before his stomach feels too full. “I hadn’t seen Allison since her graduation before this summer,” he says, for some reason.

There’s a circuit missing in his brain right now, probably too focused on why Kevin didn’t text him back. He has his read receipts on, so Aaron knows he saw it.

Madeline is staring at him across the couch, both of them tucked on opposite sides. Aaron realizes that they had such a male-made apartment, that they have no blankets or pillows to place comfortably between them.

“Are you okay,” Madeline asks, voice soft like she thinks she’ll spook him, and Aaron finally looks at her.

“Rough night,” Aaron tells her, and Madeline, the best friend he may have ever had just nods. And Aaron realizes that it’s a novelty, because she may actually be.

The was no one before Andrew and Nicky, and they weren’t his friends, primarily. Katelyn wasn’t ever just his friend. Even Matt and Dan probably would never have bonded with him outside of the court if they hadn’t basically lived together.

It takes a long moment before Aaron takes a deep breath and tells her, because Madeline is his friend now, “Kevin and I are together.”

And it’s not really a surprise when she just continues to nod slowly. “You didn’t have to tell me,” she says, still softly, then adds, “But thank you.”

Aaron nods back, feeling light in his chest, “I needed to say it out loud, because.” He stops, not sure how to express years of their trauma without divulging any of Kevin’s traumas. “We’re not very good at this,” Aaron finishes lamely.

Madeline shrugs and pokes the remote to turn the volume down on the tv to a near whisper. “I don’t think anyone is ever really good at it,” she tells him, “But I mean, I’ve also literally never been in a relationship.”

Aaron shrugs himself, in agreement or acknowledgement. “You’re not missing much,” he tries to console her.

He thinks she’s probably better made to be friends with someone else when she’s says, “No, I am,” her lips quirking up wistfully. “Companionship and a general sense of affection.” Madeline sighs, “But I’ve never really been attracted to anyone. Romantically or Sexually. Ever.”

Aaron feels that there’s literally nothing he can say to this.

“I read about it in books,” she adds, “The whole heart quickening and emotional fluttering. I’ve never had that. I’m not sure I’m able to.”

He stares at her, but when she looks at him next, she smiles tightly.

“It’s okay,” she chuckles, “I’m not saying it to make you feel bad or like you have to try to be supportive. I just, wanted to tell you.”

Aaron nods now, “Thanks, then. For wanting to tell me.”

She nods, playing with the last crust of pizza on her plate, then she says, “I used to think I felt it for Tiffany.”

Aaron laughs despite himself, “Is that why?”

“Why I was ducking her,” Madeline asks, cutting him off and laughing herself, “Maybe. I just wasn’t sure I wanted to feel it, I think.”

Then she’s looking back at the TV and poking the remote again to raise the volume as the theme song for the Chicago Knights plays under the team being announced. Kevin is announced in the starting lineup and Aaron grins when Madeline whoops next to him.

He’s not sure why he expects the game to go any differently, but when Greene and Kevin pull of some stupid tricks on the court, Aaron feels relieved almost. “The court is actually Kevin’s natural habitat,” Aaron tells Madeline at one point and she laughs.

Aaron watches, newly transfixed on the way that Kevin moves, and more specifically moves on the court. Again, he’s not sure why but when Kevin looks so like Kevin, he feels relieved.

The Knights win, again, Kevin and Greene being switched out in the second half and then subbed back in for the last five minutes. The final score is a dizzying 24-10, and Aaron wonders what Dominic would have to say.

The dick.

When the game ends, Madeline shares a few of her favorite parts. “How do they get the angles right for passes like that,” she asks at one points and Aaron sighs.

“Practice, sadly,” he tells her, “Part of the reason Exy and I didn’t work out.”

Madeline laughs and Aaron doesn’t stop her. “You’re going to be a doctor,” she says, “Half of what you do is practice and routines.”

Aaron shrugs one more time, “Not my feet. I don’t have to make my feet do something.”

“Do you want to watch Houston,” she asks next and after just a minute, Aaron nods.

“Sure.”

Madeline changes the channel, and Aaron relaxes back into the couch.

It’s the first time Aaron’s watched more than highlights of one of Neil’s games and after the first twenty minutes of the game, he thinks it may be the last. Houston needs work. They’re defense is passable, but they leave stupid holes that even Aaron can see. But their offensive line is shit. Neil is subbed in ten minutes before halftime, but the score is already 3-12, not in Houston’s favor.

After watching a Knight’s game, where it’s all clear setups and strategies, with Kevin and Greene working in tandem with their synergy nonsense. Houston is a mess, and when Neil comes on, he’s a Zamboni.

He heads immediately for Cater, the starting striker left on they clang helmets as Neil probably yells at him and Carter’s body posture says he’s not happy to be talking to the young upstart on his team. But Neil gets in position and Aaron realizes he’s holding his breath.

“Wanna bet on what he said,” Madeline giggles.

Aaron snorts, “’Shut up and give me the ball.’” She laughs back like she thinks he’s joking.

Forty-five seconds after restart, Carter shuts up and gives him the ball and Neil sinks it with a hat trick. Even on the TV Aaron can see the way the stadium suddenly wakes back up.

“Damn,” Madeline comments and Aaron scoffs, “This is not a Chicago game.”

“No,” Aaron agrees, “Welcome to the Josten show.”

By the time they cut to the half, Houston sits at 8-14, and Madeline whistles, “Damn.” Aaron chuckles. “Is that all practice too,” she asks.

Aaron snorts now, “No, it’s stupidity with a thick, strong layer of stubbornness.”

But then the TV cuts to a small female Asian reporter standing near the court, probably at the tunnel with a grinning Neil right behind her. “Uh-oh,” he says, unmuting the TV.

“Why uh-oh,” Madeline asks, looking at him then back at the TV.

“I’m pretty sure he’s not supposed to do surprise interviews,” Aaron tells him.

“They do this all the time,” she says, and Aaron shakes his head.

“Not to Josten,” he says, as the reports runs through a quick recap of the last few plays with Neil grinning sharply behind her, “Josten gets stupid in interviews, and that’s his stupid face.”

“How are you transitioning from college to professional play,” the reporter finally asks, and Neil lick his lips like this is a stupid question.

“Well,” Neil answers, sassily, “We’re not winning yet.” Aaron even, in a different state, can hear the implied ‘but we will be in a minute.’

In his pocket, Aaron’s phone rings and he misses the next question. ‘Day’ flashes on the tiny screen of his phone and Aaron answers with, “Someone put a mic in Josten’s face.”

Kevin is surprisingly quiet for a minute and Neil is still grinning ta the reporter on the TV and Madeline is watching with rapt attention. “Well, fuck,” Kevin sighs, and he sounds so defeated that Aaron wishes he had said something else. “There goes another PR rep,” Kevin adds, “His team is running out of managers.”

“So far it hasn’t been cataclysmic,” Aaron tries to say, but he’s not even listening to Josten anymore.

“Doesn’t matter,” Kevin says, “They’re not supposed to let anyone near him outside of moderated press conferences. Houston isn’t stupid, they’re offensive lines just sucks.”

“Is this why you called,” Aaron jokes, “We’re your ‘Stupid Neil’ senses tingling?”

Madeline snorts next to him and Aaron remembers that she’s still sitting on the other end of the couch.

“Not at all,” Kevin sighs. There’s something resigned in his tone and Aaron stops and restarts the conversation in his head.

“You didn’t tell me you were starting,” Aaron comments.

“I didn’t know until about an hour and a half before the game,” Kevin tells him.

“Oh,” Aaron says, feeling something like panic flutter in his gut, “Do elaborate.”

“They’re sending Parker and I back to meet with legal tonight,” Kevin says, not elaborating in the ways Aaron has intended.

“When will you be back then,” he asks though. Because they need to have a chat when he does get home.

Kevin sighs, “Not sure. Satan already has the amendment to my contract, but that means nothing with legal.”

“What _happened_ ,” Aaron asks a bit more forcefully and realizes that Madeline is watching him covertly, and at some point has muted the TV, the interview already over.

Kevin doesn’t sigh, but the silence that follows is heavy for a moment before he says, “Don’t freak out.”

“Already am, currently,” Aaron tells him, trying and failing for levity.

Kevin huffs a near laugh and says, “Parker came to warm up drunk and then took a swing at me, then Greene, then Tony.”

“Did he connect with anything or is that why he has a meeting with legal,” Aaron asks, already diverting with bad jokes but he can’t help it.

Kevin’s silence is heavy on the other line, until he says, “It’s just a shiner.”

Aaron pauses for a second before quietly asking, “He punched you in the face?”

He’s cognizant of Madeline next to him, but his mind is running over the immense amount of shit that would cover a professional athlete for taking a swing at a teammate.

“Yeah,” Kevin says, voice small but not really tiny.

He’s embarrassed.

“Why,” Aaron asks next, not sure if he cares.

“His contract is up for renewal and, well, now its nearly definitely not being renewed, but. That. I think,” Kevin tells him.

“I sure as fuck hope they don’t renew him,” Aaron snaps. Then Madeline coughs, not discreetly, and Aaron rolls his eyes, “Madeline says hi.”

Kevin doesn’t answer immediately but then says, “Tell her I said ‘Hi’.”

“Not worth it,” Aaron tells him, “She thinks Josten is funny.”

Kevin sighs, “Terrible taste really.”

“Exactly,” Aaron agrees but Madeline is grinning now. “Are you flying back still?”

“Yeah,” Kevin says, “We’re leaving from the stadium in about an hour.”

“Let me know when you land,” Aaron asks.

There’s another, shorter pause before Kevin says, “Yeah. I will.”

Madeline leaves, not discreetly, after packing up the leftover pizza and shoving it on an empty shelf of the fridge.

Aaron is actually surprised when his phone rings again, about two hours later, as he’s staring vacantly at his prelab screen trying to make his brain work passed ‘someone punched Kevin in the face’.

The screen reads _Andrew_ and Aaron answers quickly, just saying, “Hey.”

On the other end, Andrew exhales heavily probably smoking.

“That bad,” Aaron asks before his brother can say anything.

“The PR rep is fired, but,” Andrew stops.

“What happened,” Aaron asks.

“He went on about privileges,” Aaron can hear Andrew’s eyes roll, “But she outright asked him if he was gay and, well. He didn’t say no, so she’ll probably print that he said yes.”

Aaron waits, already able to imagine that Neil would never argue anything halfway.

“He told them he has a partner,” Andrew tells him.

“Did he tell them a name,” Aaron asks, not sure which answer would be better.

“No,” Andrew answers, and then he sighs again, probably around his cigarette smoke.

“I didn’t think you were supposed to be smoking,” Aaron comments.

“I can only endure so much in a day,” Andrew sighs, with air this time, “I should have killed him in Arizona.”

Aaron snorts, “I doubt that would have saved you. He is a weed.”

Andrew hums and Aaron can imagine him taking another drag.

“Conner Forest showed up to the Kansas game drunk and punched Kevin in the face,” Aaron tells him next.

Andrew to his credit, huffs a small laugh and exhales, saying, “Did he punch him back?”

Aaron pauses then admits, “I didn’t ask. But Forest is out and Kevin is starting now.”

Andrew hums and Aaron can hear him grinning when he says, “This is the most you’ve talked about Exy in one conversation than I think you have, ever.”

Aaron stops, heart suddenly leaping. For a minute, he wonders what Andrew would think of them together. What would Andrew think about Aaron and Kevin being together?

Andrew stops his crisis, cutting in with, “We’re coming up for thanksgiving.”

“Excuse me,” Aaron asks.

“I’ll drag him if I have to, but Neil and I will come to Chicago. Nicky wasn’t sure if they would be able to get away. Might as well be the four of us,” Andrew says, and there are many things Aaron wants to follow up with.

“Kevin may be going to Wymack’s,” he says instead. Because.

Because Neil and Andrew kept him in Boston for a week after the breakup and he didn’t see either of them all summer.

Because Andrew sent him money to stay on his feet and in school.

Because last year he had Katelyn and this year will be different.

Because, really, the four of them together sounds kind of nice.

So, he adds, “But alright.”

Kevin’s texts him when his flight lands at 9:48pm, but then immediately heads for the stadium for a meeting with legal. _They want a good report in the morning_ , he texts, _So they can announce Forest’s exit to the starting line like they planned it, with all the legal bits already worked out_. Aaron isn’t sure who they are, but he’s pretty sure Satan is implied.

It’s nearly midnight before Kevin texts him again to say he’s leaving the stadium, and that Satan is dropping him off. _Also, she found out that I’ve been calling her Satan and would like me to tell you her name is Natalie_ , he adds and Aaron laughs.

_Natalie_ , Aaron sends back, _Sounds very Russian Mafia to me_.

He puts some pizza in the microwave and hops onto the counter to wait for it to heat, reminding himself that they need barstools still and waits.

Kevin arrives to the door with a jangle of keys before he swiftly pushes it open, since Aaron had unlocked it already. He stops in the foyer and Aaron grimaces.

“That is a shiner,” Aaron tells him, “Come here.”

Kevin huffs but drops his duffle next to his suitcase and crosses the room. He’s still in loose sweats from the game, and his hair is disheveled from travel, but his cheek, chess piece and all are a bulbous purple smudge along his cheekbone.

When he’s close enough, Aaron takes hold of the edges of his hoodie pocket and pulls him directly between his legs where he sits on the counter. He does inspect the discoloration quickly, but then meets Kevin’s eyes levelly.

“Fuck you for being tall,” Aaron tells him, and Kevin finally smiles, breaking with a small laugh. His head tilts just a bit and Aaron presses his cheek against Kevin’s uninjured one. “You have to trust me,” Aaron tells him, softly as he can, “You have to believe me when I say it. I want this.”

Kevin nods against him, “I know.”

“Good,” Aaron says, wrapping his arms around Kevin’s stupidly broad shoulders, “I’ll keep saying it too. But it doesn’t mean anything if you don’t believe me.”

“I’m working on it,” Kevin answers, pressing his face into Aaron’s neck and wraps his arms around Aaron’s waist, “I am.”

“Good,” Aaron submits.

Kevin sighs against him arms wrapping around him just a little tighter and Aaron tucks his face against Kevin’s neck, until he says, “I told Satan that we’re together.”

It’s probably weird that Aaron’s initial reaction is to snort at say, “Thought her name was Natalie.”

Kevin pauses, probably for the same reason that Aaron should have then says, “Calling her by her name humanizes her in a way I’m not comfortable with yet.”

Aaron hums, tightening his own arms when Kevin tries to draw back, “And what did she have to say.” It takes a moment but eventually Kevin sighs and relaxes just a bit, his shoulders dropping under Aaron’s arms.

“I didn’t really give her a space to reply,” Kevin answers quietly, lips brushing distractingly against Aaron’s neck, just under his ear, “I just dropped it like a fact as I was getting out of the car.”

Aaron snorts, compulsively. When he says, “You’re such a dork,” he nearly doesn’t recognize the softness in his own voice. His eyes are closes, and his head is tucked against Kevin’s shoulder. And Kevin is home.

They stay that way for a long minute, before Kevin asks, “Will you keep saying it?”

Aaron hums feeling how late it is finally but not needing elaboration, “Yeah, Day. I want this.”

They’re still in bed the next morning, when both of their phones vibrate at the same time on the side table. Another hour later, Aaron finally reads the message, still in bed with Kevin wrapped around him.

Renee, who had joined the Peace Corp shortly after college has been in some remote part of Africa for the last eight months. She’s only been able to send messages when she visits nearby cities that had better service.

But this time she’s sent a short message:

_Hi all! I will be home for a few weeks toward mid-December and would love to see you all if we are able._

In response, Allison has only sent a thumbs up, but it leaves a bad feeling in the pit of Aaron stomach. Stupid tall Kevin reads the message over his shoulder and says, “Guess we’re getting together sometime in December,” solidifying Aaron’s fears.

“Oh, joy.”


	8. We Grow Up In Different Directions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _But then, something mysterious and quiet begins._  
>  _Aaron comes home on Monday morning, two weeks after the Kansas game and there are three wooden stools at the bar._  
>  Thanksgiving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me. It's all down hill from here.  
> The Plot B in this chapter was really hard for me to sort out.  
> Heads up too, I haven't finished writing chapter 9. So. Sorry if that may be late.  
> BUT IT'LL HAPPEN- this isn't my andriel story. (Oooh, sick burned myself.)
> 
> Also, I've started reading so much Klance, it's sad.  
> Also.2, my internet is a butthole and AO3 tried to tell me 'quiet' isn't a word.  
> So.  
> There's those things.

8.

After the weekend in which Kevin is in Kansas for the away game, the Knights schedule picks up, their next home game taking place on the following Tuesday, and it’s weird for a bit, missing Kevin leaving because he’s in class and then watching the game on TV later. Madeline makes a habit of coming over and watching them with him after the second time he invites her, Toby and Sasha coming along the following Friday even.

And it feels different, having his own friends. Sasha jokes every time she sees him, that she thinks he secretly lives alone and feeds off the illusion of Kevin living with him to make friends. He doesn’t tell her she’s nuts, and they continue to get along.

But then, something mysterious and quiet begins.

Aaron comes home on Monday morning, two weeks after the Kansas game and there are three wooden stools at the bar. He hums and thinks nothing of it since they’ve talked about needing stools since they’d moved in. It doesn’t mean anything to him for a while.

There is no discussion about it, but each night Kevin pulls, or carries, or throws, Aaron into his bed and slowly, it becomes their room. Aaron uses his bedroom as a giant closet, and a secondary study area after the desk. The corners of his bed are now piled with textbooks and notebooks, and even if he wanted to sleep in it, he’d have to dig through all the papers first. The pillows he no longer uses are piled against the wall at the head of his bed where he leans against them when he studies, and they haven’t moved in nearly three weeks.

He wonders, at odd times- like, when he’s doing dishes at Mar’s or watching the till, or spacing out in a lecture when his Professor begins to ramble through a Q & A- is it too fast? They’ve done little passed sleeping in the same bed and frotting, outside of the blow job Kevin gave him that one afternoon. It’s not from a lack of wanting too, he thinks. They have heavy make outs regularly. But usually Kevin is wiped from practice or games and Aaron is mentally bogged from studying and school. And.

He doesn’t think it’s too fast, really.

This is just new.

Not that Kevin is new really. They have already lived together for years in undergrad, been on the same team for four of them. He knows Kevin’s dad, and Kevin was actually there for the worst moment of Aaron’s life. So, Kevin isn’t new.

Being _with_ Kevin is new. Even though he has to think for a moment, to remember any time where they were sleeping in different rooms. Because this is new, but it’s comfortable and pretty freaking great, and Aaron is probably waiting for it to implode still.

Wednesday, when he comes back, there are two throw pillows on the couch. It’s not remarkable. One is a deep blue and is placed on the edge of the chaise, while the other is cream with a fancy embroidered peacock on it, and Aaron snorts. But they’re soft when he punches them, so he hums and forgets about them for a few more days.

Alison begins planning a gathering for the group somewhere in Ohio which is apparently in the middle of all of them, with Matt in New York and Andrew in Boston. Neil is in Texas and Allison supposedly ‘lives’ in Georgia, though Aaron is sure she’s never there. Dan is in South Carolina again, and Nicky is already booking tickets for he and Erik to fly in from Germany to wherever. Aaron reads the messages halfheartedly when she updates anything and keeps telling himself he’ll get there. The dates they’re outlining are all after the semester ends anyway.

Sleeping in Kevin’s bed when Kevin is out at away games is second nature to Aaron after the third week. But Saturday night, when Kevin is in St. Paul for a game Aaron changes clothes and heads for the bedroom, texting Kevin all the while, until he realizes that the bed is a bit further into the middle of the room. He stops stares at it for a while and walks around to where the window is, by the wall closest to his room.

Under the window is a nightstand. It’s similar to one on the other side of the bed, that is staked with Kevin’s lamp, and a small pile of books he’s been reading before bed, and his phone charger plugged into the wall. Aaron’s phone charger had migrated from his room weeks ago, and usually sat right next to it. The two cords would tangle in a nightly venture that they had been joking about a few nights ago only.

This one takes a minute longer for Aaron to not stumble over, but eventually he lays down and plugs his phone in. Kevin texts him before he falls asleep, but it just says ‘ _Good night. I’ll talk to you in the morning before we take off._ ’ There’s a smiley emoji in the middle that gets stuck in Aaron’s mind as he falls asleep.

Kevin is still flying home when Aaron gets back from class on Thursday. Which is probably why he stops and stares at the wall behind the couch.

It’s a nice painting. Soft blues and greens and just enough pink and yellow to be warm. Lily pads and water, with a cute ripple. Aaron knows nothing about art, but he’s pretty sure this is probably a stock image. But it’s narrow, up higher on the wall, so Kevin won’t hit his head on the edge. It makes the room look longer, up over the top of the couch.

But he’s been in class all day and Kevin texted him an hour ago that they were talking off after a delay this morning, which Aaron is grumpy about. But he’s also confused as to how someone got in their apartment to hang a painting.

But he’s also somewhere between elated and dizzy that Kevin is literally _nesting_.

So naturally Kevin shoots it down, nearly as soon as he gets home, crowding into Aaron on the couch- only to pull back just a bit too soon and ask, “So, are we telling Andrew?”

Aaron stares at him for a minute, before asking, “What?”

“Andrew,” Kevin immediately says again and Aaron groans.

“Stop saying my brother’s name while sitting in my lap, it’s weird,” Aaron grumbles. Kevin rolls his eyes and _actually moves off_ Aaron and sits on the couch next to him.

“They’re coming up for Thanksgiving,” Kevin tells him, like Aaron wasn’t the one to tell Kevin initially. Like Aaron hadn’t been the one to broach the topic of holidays and being together and Neil and Andrew coming up. Which led to the small guest bedroom behind the kitchen getting a large futon, small dresser, and matching end tables over the following weekend. But Kevin continues, “I don’t think it’s a bad idea to decide what we want to tell them about our,” Kevin pauses like he’s not sure what to call it and Aaron actually glares at him.

“Relationship,” Aaron snaps, and Kevin immediately nods.

“Yeah, what do we want to tell them about our relationship,” Kevin says again.

Aaron wants to sigh, but makes himself not, saying, “I’m not sure what you’re wanting me to say, but I’m going to start with you having some confidence when you say ‘relationship’ if that’s what we go with, because if not Andrew may tear you apart.”

Kevin stops, stares at him and then takes a deep breath to say, “So that’s what we’re going with?”

Aaron glares, again, “Sure.” Kevin nods once, seeming decisive, but Aaron has to add, “Not that you’ll have the liberty of telling Andrew anything he won’t already know just by being Andrew.” Kevin now looks momentarily terrified. Aaron tries to smile at him, before saying, in what he hopes is a supportive voice, “It’s Andrew, and _more so_ , Neil.”

Kevin says nothing and continues to stare worriedly at the carpet.

“Kevin, I haven’t slept in my room in weeks,” he explains, “My clothes are all in your room. My toothbrush is in your bathroom. Unless you want to spend the next week undoing all that, they’ll both figure it out without us saying anything.”

Kevin swallows and seems to resolutely stare at the carpet now. Aaron finally gives in and sighs.

After a minute where Kevin says nothing, he continues. “I think it would be more fun to see how long it take one of them to bring it up,” Aaron challenges, smirking, and Kevin finally looks back up at him. He doesn’t look super convinced, so Aaron just smirks larger. “I bet it’s Josten.”

Kevin scoffs, and snaps, “Of course it will be Neil.” But then he swallows, and Aaron is nearly, actually, worried now.

“What,” Aaron demands, latching onto Kevin’s sleeve and physically pulling him off balance until he moves closer, “Use your words.”

Kevin grumbles a moment later only, “I just don’t want your brother to _murder me_ , sorry.”

Aaron laughs again, “As if I’d let him.” And then he hums, “But also, I doubt he’d kill you. He spent too long keeping your stupid ass alive to kill you over this.”

“I’m not entirely convinced,” Kevin sighs, as if Aaron didn’t already know this, his head coming to rest against Aaron’s collarbone, arms under and around him. Aaron finally sighs and closes his eyes, turning his face to bury it in Kevin’s hair.

“He won’t kill you while I still like you,” Aaron hears himself mumble.

“Oh,” Kevin says, head lifting to align their faces, “So I just have to keep you liking me?”

Aaron hums in response, chin tilting until Kevin laughs and brushes their lips together.

He won’t admit it yet, but the only part he likes about when Kevin is away, it when he gets back. Because Kevin is new, this is all still new. And every time he comes back, it feels a little like that again.

There’s a little kick in his heart and his gut clenches. Like his body is remembering, ‘ _oh yeah, this is what it feels like_ ’. Because Kevin is taller and broader, and in general larger than Aaron, and when they fold together and Kevin presses between his legs just right, Aaron’s hips have to spread so far it feels like he’s coming apart as they tilt and slide together.

Kevin’s lips hum against him and Aaron finally melts.

Kevin being gone isn’t going to get easier, Aaron knows, but Kevin coming home makes up for it. And he’s pretty sure it’s the same for Kevin when he pulls back just enough to grumble, “Bed.” Aaron doesn’t use words, but his thighs move with Kevin’s insistent hands to wrap around Kevin’s waist. Kevin stands like he’s not even encumbered, lifting Aaron with him, one hand on his left thigh and the other wrapped around his back.

Aaron’s mouth finds his neck as Kevin navigates them to the bedroom, but he’s kind enough to not leave marks just after Kevin finished freaking out about having something to tell Andrew.

And Aaron refuses to think about his brother while his erection is throbbing.

Kevin tilts him back onto the bed, and Aaron makes sure to drag him down with him. Their lips reattaching and hips meeting again, until Kevin moans into his mouth and pulls roughly on his shirt.

“Let me,” Kevin mumbles against his neck and Aaron tries to not huff when Kevin pulls away this time. He leans back and removes his own shirt first, and Aaron watches him.

He’s not sure what his face is doing but Kevin smiles when their eyes meet again, and Aaron watches his lips pull back, red and puffy and maybe a tad bitten.

Aaron’s dick gives a tug and he is only able to prepare the words for two milliseconds before he says, “I really wanna blow you.”

Kevin’s eyebrows jump and his grin turns silly just as fast, before he nods once and says, “Okay, but take your shirt off.”

Aaron does, sitting up and tossing it over the end of the bed, and then pulling Kevin’s lips back to his. Kevin sighs against him and Aaron’s not sure what he’s actually thinking this time, but Kevin follows his lead when Aaron hooks his thumbs in the waistband of his sweats and underwear, and then when Aaron’s hands direct him back against the bed, this time against the sheets.

It’s not the first time he’s seen Kevin’s dick. They’ve actually shared the shower in passing more than a handful of times. Kevin is not shy about changing while Aaron watches, though he’s drawn the line as peeing with the door open, thankfully. But he’s really never had a straight view of Kevin’s dick when it’s been this hard before.

Kevin reaches for Aaron’s pants too, but Aaron stops him, saying, “Not yet.”

Kevin nods once and then kisses him again, their lips nearly fighting, teeth pulling lips between them and then tongues chasing away the sting. But when Aaron wraps his hand around Kevin’s dick this time, Kevin sighs and then hisses, his thighs lifting, even with Aaron seated across them.

Aaron’s mouth finds his neck again, and Kevin sighs again, Aaron’s grip along his shaft just tight enough that Aaron knows it’s teasing. Kevin’s hand is in his hair and the other along his shoulder. Aaron kisses, and nips at his right nipple because he’s already discovered that Kevin actually likes that, and then shuffles between Kevin’s legs to go lower.

Kevin, at this point, is huffing at him, and Aaron can’t stop grinning.

Kevin is manscaped- as he calls it, not Aaron. He trims and keeps his pubes short, because they both know from experience if it gets too long it gets stuck in jockstraps and other assorted unfun places. But when Aaron’s mouth follows the dark line of hair that travels from Kevin’s navel to his groin, there’s a smell. A musk, and as much as Aaron thinks he’ll probably hate it, coupled with Kevin’s very thick, very hot erection in his hand, Aaron’s mouth waters.

There is no more crisis.

It must be abrupt, but Aaron follows his instincts and wraps his lips around Kevin’s head, flattens his tongue against the underside and wets the head with a twist of his jaw. Kevin keens above him, head falling back against the pillow and his arms losing all tension out to his sides.

Aaron rolls his eyes and wants to call him dramatic, but there’s something fascinating about bobbing his head along Kevin’s member, running his tongue against the underside and caressing softly against his scrotum and watching Kevin fall apart that transfixes him.

Kevin’s chest jumps, when his tongue slides under the head. He sighs when Aaron cups and lifts his balls _like this_ while he takes Kevin down his throat until he nearly chokes before pulling back. Kevin hips try to tip when Aaron builds up a rhythm with his hand, which is eventually slick enough just from his saliva. Kevin’s abs clench when Aaron presses his hands against his hips to keep him still while bobbing up and down, avoiding his teeth and sliding along his tongue.

He’s not sure what it says about him as a person that he watches all of this with so much attention that by the time Kevin’s hand slides through his hair and calls his name in warning, Aaron has forgotten about his own erection entirely. Resolutely, he puts his hand on Kevin’s abs just to feel him twitch and keeps bobbing and sucking and, god, _arousing himself at this point_ , until Kevin comes with a sudden, sharp moan.

Semen does not taste good Aaron decides, but still swallows it down until Kevin relaxes back against the bed again. Kevin’s hands come up to rub at his face when Aaron sits back to watch his chest heave and his dick continues to twitch, where it now lies against his stomach.

Aaron licks his lips and rotates his jaw, the new ache and taste doing something complicated to his brain as his own erection throbs against his pants. And it’s like Kevin knows, because when Aaron looks back up at him, he’s smiling and then lifts his hand to call Aaron over.

“Come here,” Kevin says and even if Aaron had been thinking about ignoring him, the gravelly tone of Kevin’s voice would have changed his mind. Because it’s rough and soft and sleepy sounding, and Aaron would want to crawl over him even if he wasn’t already hard, just from his voice alone.

Kevin’s right hand guides their faces together, while his left hands makes quick work of the tie of Aaron’s pants. When Kevin’s hand wraps around him with a confident tug Aaron moans into his mouth and his spine curls. He has to release Kevin’s mouth to remind himself to breathe. Kevin isn’t deterred, his mouth instantly latching onto Aaron’s jaw and then his throat- Kevin’s favorite place to leave tacky hickeys- but the light graze of his teeth sets Aaron on fire and his gut tenses. Kevin’s right hand finds Aaron’s ass, slipping under his waistband and giving a tight grab to a handful and Kevin’s left hand is still moving along his dick in a way that is nearly too much.

This has felt like simultaneously the longest and shortest ten to fifteen minutes of Aaron’s life.

But then Kevin lifts his knees, his still half hard dick sliding over Aaron’s exposed ass cheek as his right hand clenches on the opposite side, his teeth bite down and his left hand tugs just hard enough and Aaron feels his heart stutter, his ears ring and eyes burst through the sensation as he comes.

It’s never quiet felt like this before, he thinks, arms shaking as he remembers his limbs.

Whatever sounds he’s made has also shredded his throat, but Kevin is chuckling against his neck now, as Aaron lets his arms collapse, trapping Kevin under him just as he pulls his dirty, come soaked hand out.

“Fuck,” Aaron sighs, and Kevin hum, his not dirty hand lifting and carding though Aaron’s hair. “That was,” Aaron gasps, not sure why he’s trying to talk at all.

Kevin laughs again, a small thing that bubbles in his chest, and Aaron forces his head up to look at him. All at once, he’s reminded of how green Kevin’s eyes are, because they’re smiling and bright.

And Aaron is actually in love with him, he realizes suddenly.

His face must do something funny, because Kevin whispers, “You okay?”

Aaron nods, and has to whisper back, “Yeah.”

Kevin is still smiling when he leans forward just enough to press their lips together softly. Aaron’s eyes stay closed when he pulls back and he’s still waiting for the panic, but it’s slow to come. Instead he says, “I’m not sure I can move.”

Kevin snorts, “Lazy ass.” But he quickly loops and arm around Aaron’s back and tips him over until Aaron’s back is against the sheets instead.

Before he leaves the bed, Kevin kisses him again, soft and lingering, like he doesn’t want to even go just right there to the bathroom. And Aaron hopes Kevin is in love with him, too.

When Andrew sent him their flight itineraries, he made sure Aaron knew that Neil would be arriving before him, on Tuesday afternoon. Looking back on it, he should have paid more attention, because Aaron has a shift at Mar’s that morning, since his lecture was cancelled, and therefore Neil was meeting him at work, not the apartment where no one would be able to let him in.

And maybe that was why, given Aaron’s terrible luck struck on this grey Tuesday morning. He was working the register while Sai was making more grounds in the back when the bell over the door jingles and Aaron looks up _to do his job_ and is met with Katelyn’s furious face.

There is a long moment when Aaron is stunned, because Katelyn in is his work, looking like she’s about to pick a fight, and this is not at all the woman he remembers. And she’s not, because she slaps a hand on the counter between then and glares.

The rush ended a while ago, thankfully. Not that Sai would have ever left him out here by himself during a rush anyway. So, given the relative hush in the café currently, Katelyn’s hand slapping on the counter rings in his head and Mr. Dawson- one of their morning regulars who reads his coffee and watches the TV whispering quietly in the corner- turns to see what the commotion is.

Katelyn, or the demon in her body, says, “I want my friends back.” And her voice is loud and angry.

Aaron finally snaps out of his stunned gawk and glares, whispering harshly back, “Are you _out of your mind_?”

“No,” she asserts, eyes blazing, and Aaron is very sure she’s wrong, but she continues anyway, “I want them back. I don’t know _what_ you told them, but you have no right to tell them to stop talking to me.”

Aaron blinks, actually listing to what she’s saying and shakes his head, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Allison,” she spits, “And Dan. They won’t talk to me.” Aaron nearly rolls his eyes, but instead feels his lips curl, instead. “What did you say to them?”

Now his eyes do roll, and Aaron tells her as calmly as he can, glancing again to where Mr. Dawson sits, “I didn’t say anything.” Katelyn looks very unconvinced and if there weren’t a counter between then, Aaron would shake her. “This is my work, Katelyn. Don’t do whatever this is _here_ , for the love of god.”

Undeterred, Katelyn shakes her head, “There is nowhere else to do this. You avoid me at school, and this isn’t fair. They’re my friends.”

“I haven’t said anything to them, literally,” Aaron tells her, snapping, but still trying to stay quiet. Out of the corner of his eyes he can see Mar and Sai at the door to the back kitchen. “I haven’t talked to them, and it’s not like anyone can _make_ Allison do _anything_. Whatever your issues with them are, it’s between you.” Katelyn immediately looks ready to fight more, but Aaron shakes his head. “ _No_ ,” he demands, “No more. This is my work, and we are not doing this here. Leave, Kate.”

And before she can answer, or fight, or turn into the body snatching demon Aaron expects she may be, he turns and heads for the back. Mar looks concerned and more than curious, but she turns to let him retreat and Sai ducks passed him to return to the register.

“I’m sorry,” he tells the older woman as soon as they’re out of eyeshot of the register and Mar crosses her arms.

“Probably the most excitement Dawson has seen in years,” Mar scoffs, but then her eyes narrow on him and Aaron expects the worst for a moment. But Mar sighs and asks, “You okay?”

Aaron stares at her for a moment and then shakes his head, “More confused than anything, but yeah. I’m fine.”

Mar nods, “So that was the elusive Katelyn?”

Aaron nods in answer but can’t bring himself to say anything else.

Mar continues anyway, “She’s cute. Bit of a mouth on her. But then again, you have one too.”

Aaron huffs, “I never thought she’d be one to show up at my work, though.”

Mar nods, then shrugs languidly, “It happens. You aren’t responsible for her crazy.”

Aaron fights down the urge to immediately defend her, because in this case Katelyn had shown her own cards, and anything he could say may come out hollow.

“Try to keep her away next time though,” Mar finally says and Aaron nods.

When he emerges from the back, clocked out and ready to go, Aaron is actually relieved to find Neil seated at the table in front of the small TV that’s still on daytime news.

“Ready,” Aaron asks from the end of his table. Neil looks up at him over a pair of dark sunglasses and pointedly takes the last sip from his coffee cup slowly.

“This place is nice,” he says conversationally, placing the empty cup back down.

Aaron shrugs back, “Keeps me from being broke, so.”

Neil nods slowly and says nothing else.

“Ready,” Aaron asks again, snagging the cup from him and turning back to the counter. Sai smiles him as she takes it and Aaron feels himself smile back.

Neil watches, but when Aaron turns back to him, he finally grabs his duffle from the seat next to him and standing, slipping it over his shoulder. Aaron leads him out the front door, the small bell jingling behind them and Neil is grinning for some reason.

Aaron pointedly does not ask why.

Mar’s is only four blocks from their apartment, and they walk it in silence, other than Aaron sometimes directing Neil who keeps slipping ahead of him.

When they enter the Lobby, Receptionist April grins them, but otherwise doesn’t engage. Aaron thinks it’s her best quality. Sometimes the overnight receptionist will try to talk to him and it’s stressful.

They take the elevator and Aaron lets them into the apartment without issues. Once inside though, Neil’s face falls a kind of vacant that Aaron knows means _he’s looking_. Usually it happens right before he verbally slashes someone’s tires, or degrades them into mud, or pinpointing every one of their moral flaws, usually on live TV. The ones on live TV are usually Aaron’s favorite, if he had to choose. But right now, Josten is standing in his apartment and _he’s looking_. Until he’s grinning and turning toward where Aaron is frozen by the island.

Aaron is pretty sure he’s barely into the kitchen before Josten just somehow _knows_ , and for a moment Aaron hates him again.

And then he lets it go- remembers that this isn’t something he has to hide, or that he should feel ashamed of. He’s allowed to be happy. And he’s allowed to be happy with Kevin.

“Nice place,” Neil finally says, seeming like he just needed to say something and then he wonders a bit further into the living room, looking toward the far window, that looks over the street below and the building across the way. It’s nothing special, but Aaron all at once feels proud of it.

“Thanks,” he says, simply in reply, “Guest room is this way.” He leads Neil around the small bend in the hall, passed the washer and dryer alcove and then into the small bedroom. It’s the smallest of the three but has a window the looks over a small parking lot behind the building. The futon Kevin had freak-out purchased was done up in a set of yellow sheets with some pillows thrown at the head. Neil looks no less impressed, or more judgement than he had while looking over the living room. “There’s the bathroom in the hallway, you guys can used,” Aaron elaborates, as Neil passes him and sets his duffle on the pseudo-bed.

Neil pauses, eyes once again latching onto Aaron’s face and his eyes narrow.

Aaron does still have two fading hickeys on the right side of the throat, that he had given up covering two days ago. But that’s probably not what Neil is looking at.

“So,” he says, nodding shallowly, as his hands slip into his hoodie pockets, “Are you ignoring this, or?” He trails off awkwardly and Aaron rolls his eyes.

“I really don’t care,” Aaron tells him.

Neil nods but still squints at him, “But. _Kevin_?”

Aaron huffs, “I’m just going with whatever falls out of his mouth, really.”

“Vague planning,” Neil acknowledges, still nodding, “I support it.”

Aaron frowns, feeling his lip curl, “Fuck, if I got your backing for a good plan this is going to go terribly.”

Neil grins sharply now, “Well, this is Kevin we’re talking about.”

Aaron sighs, leaning back against the door heavily, and just says it, “We’ve been sleeping together for a month.”

It’s unsatisfying when Neil tilts his head quizzically and asks, “Only a month?”

Aaron glares, trying to think up a sufficient reply.

The front door jangles open with the sound of Kevin’s keys before he can formulate a witty answer, so he just says, “Yes. A month.”

Neil shrugs, looking judgement and somehow disappointed, and hums before retreating out the door and down the hallway, probably to bombard Kevin for more information.

Aaron sighs deeply once again before following him.

Aaron showers, slipping into the bedroom after announcing only that and leaving Kevin to implode to Neil all on his own. It’s not the more supportive thing he could have done, Aaron knowns, so he showers quickly and then grabs his laptop from his backpack and heads for the couch.

Neil is at the island, on one of the stools and Kevin appears to be making sandwiches when he enters the room. Aaron frowns at him, and Kevin grins sheepishly. “Are you really stress cooking,” he asks, and Kevin grins more. Neil snorts- _actually snorts_.

“Hungry,” Kevin asks, still smiling and Aaron sighs before shrugging.

“Sure,” he answers instead. Neil grins, and Aaron heads for the couch, “But also homework. So by all means, keep whispering in French so I can ignore you that much easier.”

Neil’s grin slips, “I can’t tell if you’re joking.”

Aaron situated himself on the couch and trying to not look unamused or murderous, “I’m actually serious.”

Neil turns to Kevin, who is still smiling, but then Kevin says something in French and Neil nods.

They whisper quietly and Aaron gets halfway through a lab report before it sinks in. _Kevin is speaking French_. And suddenly Aaron can’t stop listening. It doesn’t matter than he has no idea what they’re saying, both being well versed in half-speak and not using names, and in general talking around things.

But Kevin is speaking French, and it’s _French_. All smooth vowels and fluid phrases and. Aaron has no hope of concentrating after this.

He sighs again, head leaning back against the couch and when he looks over, both Neil and Kevin are staring at him. He snaps his laptop closed and heads for the bedroom again. “I changed my mind,” he says and then clicks the door shut behind him.

He makes it another hour and a half, working through the rest of his lab report, a prelab sheet and is nearly done with a paper that’s due when they come back when Kevin knocks on the door, sandwich plate in his hand. “We’re going to get Andrew,” Kevin tells him, setting the sandwich on the bed next to Aaron’s knee and leaning forward.

Aaron kisses him back while still typing, and Kevin is smiling brightly when he pulls back.

“Okay,” Aaron asks him, and Kevin heaves his own sigh, but then nods.

“Very,” Kevin tells him and Aaron grins.

“Did that go how you thought it would,” Aaron asks next, and Kevin huffs.

“It’s the other part I’m worried about,” Kevin says.

Aaron scoffs, “And what did Josten have to say about it.”

Kevin shrugs, “Not to worry. But _he’s Neil_.”

Aaron hums to allow this point, but they’re both still grinning, and Aaron has to say, “It’ll be fine. Even if he’s more of a dick than usual, we can just make fun of him later.”

Kevin chuckles softly, mostly breath against Aaron’s lips and kisses him again quickly. “Like we won’t either way,” Kevin says, pulling back and slipping off the bed, “We’ll be back in a bit.”

“Be careful,” Aaron calls after him, and he listens for the front door to close before resuming his homework.

By the time the three of them return forty-five minutes later, Aaron’s homework for the break is done and he’s scrolling through the chat on his phone.

Andrew stops in the doorway, with his duffle over his shoulder and Aaron meets his blank face with one of his own.

“Really,” Andrew asks, voice somber, “ _Day_?”

Aaron is still sitting in their bed, with a hoard of pillows around his supporting his textbook and his laptop to each side of him, and it feels like a revolutionary moment when he thoughtlessly snorts and says, “Ask me that again after your omelet in the morning.”

Andrew’s eyebrow pinch instantly and he glances back down the hallway before grumbling something and heading for the guest bedroom. It’s not until Kevin is standing in the doorway, smiling at him that Aaron realizes what happened, and all he can remember is when Kevin had been standing in his doorway months ago, wearing Aaron’s watch and he’s started to imagine it.

Now Kevin is smiling softly, and Aaron feels his stomach flutter.

It takes him a moment, but then he has to say, “Stop smiling. You’re making omelets in the morning now.”

Kevin tucks his smile against his shoulder for a moment, but then it’s right back and Aaron feels like he might puke from being this stupidly happy. “If I knew that all I had to do was keep making you eggs this would have been much simpler,” Kevin finally answers, and Aaron knows they’re both trying to make light of this, and knows it’s not working.

“Obviously,” he says anyway, “Why do you think I didn’t tell you?”

“Do you guys have extra towels,” Neil calls down the hall and Kevin leaves the doorway to get them.

Aaron’s heart doesn’t slow for another hour.

It’s weirdly nice having Andrew and Neil in the apartment with them, after Aaron is able to get used to Andrew side eyeing him the entire time, like he still trying to figure it out or something.

But it’s just the feeling of their space being full, that make Aaron feel a bit more in the holiday spirit.

Kevin leaves midmorning on Wednesday to head to the stadium, Neil chirping at him until he’s literally out the door, even though he’s then the one who turns on the TV for the pregame. Andrew rolls his eyes and then heads for the bedroom to take a nap.

Aaron pointedly does not think about why he would still be tired and watches the game with Neil. Madeline texts him throughout asking odd questions until she finds out that Neil is watching it with him, until eventually Neil persuades him into sending her a posed selfie of them. For some reason Neil thinks it’s hilarious as she continues to blow up his phone for the rest of the game.

By the last quarter, there are seven unread messages from her all cumulating in Madeline asking why Neil is at his apartment for Thanksgiving. And Aaron doesn’t know how to tell her that Thanksgiving is hard for all of them. That Neil is with him because this is one of the worst holidays of his life now. That Neil is family and doesn’t really have anywhere else he would be. He’s here because that’s where he’s supposed to be.

And it feels like something in him grows up when he realizes that.

“Just tell her,” Neil says, and Aaron stares at him for a second.

Even if he looks away, the Knights are up by eight with only two minutes left, and Kevin isn’t even on the court.

“Just _tell her_ ,” Neil says again, and Aaron shakes his head.

“Tell her what,” Aaron asks, confused.

“Whatever it is you’re not saying, cause you’re just staring at your phone,” Neil sighs, then continues, “I wasn’t really thinking about it, with the picture. But I know this is probably a weird position for you.”

Aaron nods slowly.

Neil shrugs again, “It’ll be out soon anyway. You can just tell her.”

Aaron stares again, “You guys are going public.”

Neil smirks at him, “We were going to tell you tomorrow. And then call Nicky. But.” He shrugs a third time and looks back at the TV. “Finally, it’s over. That last quarter was dragging.”

“What about Court,” Aaron asks next, because now this is a conversation they’re having.

“He turned it down,” Neil answers easily, then sighs, “I told him not to, but you know how he is.”

And Aaron nods, but then pauses, “They already contacted him?”

He sees it the moment Neil freezes and then whips his head to look back at Aaron. His lips pinch and suddenly Neil looks like a fish out of water. “So,” he asks, “Have they not contacted Kevin?”

“Not that I know of,” Aaron snaps and Neil’s lips pinch together harder.

Neil nods slowly, looking back at the TV, eyes wide, “Oh.”

Aaron huffs a breath and looks back at the TV too. There’s a long moment where neither of them speaks and then Neil clears his throat but doesn’t say anything to follow it up.

Aaron doesn’t bring it up that night, when they go over to dinner. It’s a small quiet little burger shop that Kevin loves and can eat most anything at, so Neil and Andrew’s diets should be fine, too.

For a few minutes, the spite in the back of his mind piles up and Aaron hates that he’s surrounded by athletes.

He lets it go with a sigh and tells himself that this is how his whole life has been and it’s fine.

He just not sure if he’s talking about the limited dinner options or how Kevin is probably going to be spending the entire spring in Nashville and Aaron forgot.

It wasn’t that he didn’t know. It was just that. He forgot.

He forgot for a few months that Kevin is literally an internationally known athlete, who is marginally owned by the Japanese mafia.

This wasn’t a choice. It was Kevin’s life. Exy is Kevin’s life.

Of course, he was going to Court. He was _literally raised_ to go Court.

So, Aaron sits at the table with them. Andrew’s face keeps slipping into a glare every now and then- getting lost somewhere between Aaron and Kevin’s shoulders. Neil becomes awkwardly chatty, like he can feel how introverted Aaron is feeling, so he feels obligated to keep a conversation going, and Kevin is letting him.

And Aaron tries to find that stupidly happy glow he felt the evening prior and when a small pocket of it bubbles up, he grabs it and holds on tight, trying to smile and pick himself up.

Because this is his life, now. And he’s still choosing it.

They’re wrapped together later. Kevin is clinging like he can feel Aaron withdrawing, and Aaron. Is trying to not. But the apartment is quiet, the door closed for once, because Andrew and Neil are here, and it just feels right to close it. The furnace kicks on, and then back off and Aaron is still awake.

But it still takes another hour of staring at the ceiling before he can force out the words. “When did you hear from the Court?”

He doesn’t even wonder if Kevin is still awake, and Aaron feels when he tenses around him. “On the twelfth,” Kevin tells him explicitly, and Aaron hums, not sure what else to ask. “I was going to bring it up after Thanksgiving.” Even in the dark, Aaron nods.

“When do you start training,” Aaron asks eventually, thinking scattered thoughts and planning. Somehow, he’s suddenly planning out the next year.

Kevin is quiet for a minute, but then he says, “Would be early January.”

“‘Would be’,” Aaron asks instantly, and Kevin is once again quiet for a long moment. “Why ‘would be’,” Aaron presses.

Kevin’s voice is soft when he answers, “I didn’t answer them yet.”

Aaron feels his own body clench when he tries to sit up and look down at where Kevin’s head is against his chest at the same time. “You _what_?”

“It was right after Forest’s suspension,” Kevin insists, “I just didn’t think it was good timing to tell the Coach Smith.”

“Are _you insane_ ,” Aaron snaps and then he stops- takes a moment to evaluate himself- because he was literally moping about this all afternoon, and now Kevin is still him that _he hasn’t even accepted the offer_. But Aaron wants him to. Aaron knows he should.

And goddamn, _it’s so conflicting_.

With a heavy sigh, Aaron falls back against his pillow and runs the hand that isn’t tucked under Kevin’s head through his hair.

“I didn’t want to just _accept it_ ,” Kevin tells him, voice finally sounding back to normal, “I don’t _want to go_.” Kevin pauses and then grumbles, “I mean, I _want_ to go. I mean, _its Court_. But I don’t want to _go_. To _Nashville_.” He stops, rolls onto his back and Aaron hears him sigh. “God, I don’t want to _leave you_.”

And yeah, it’s so conflicting.

A weight lifts off Aaron’s chest hearing Kevin say the same things he’s thinking. They’re both quiet for a minute, and Aaron has to reach out, finds Kevin’s hand- his right hand- and slips their fingers together.

“Going and leaving aren’t the same thing,” Aaron whispers for both of them, feeling so much calmer now. Kevin is still quiet. “I don’t want you to leave,” Aaron says, so honest it pulls him open and leaves him feeling raw when he says, “But I want you to go.”

When the quiet hangs between then this time, Aaron isn’t sure what else to say.

“I love you,” Kevin whispers back, and Aaron thinks, ‘ _oh yeah, that_.’

“I love you,” Aaron says and rolls onto his side, facing Kevin in the dark.

Kevin’s left hand finds his cheek and then Kevin’s lips find his.

Kevin’s making it too easy, Aaron thinks, when Andrew scowls down at his omelet Thursday morning and then glares up at Kevin across the island, demanding, “When did you get good at cooking?”

Kevin rolls his eyes back and Aaron feels his gut flutter.

“Or making coffee,” Neil asks in much less of a demanding way, but still with an edge of judgment that feels familial between them.

“Sometime while you were still playing collegiate sports for free,” Kevin sasses back and Neil grins.

“No, I _played_ for an education,” Neil corrects him.

Aaron and Andrew snort at the same time, but Andrew snaps, “That you will never fucking use. What can you even do with a mathematics degree?”

“Teach other collegiate idiots’ math,” Neil answers instantly, “Obviously.”

“Neil,” Kevin sighs, “You would be a terrible teacher.”

“I know,” Neil tells him, completely nonplussed, “That’s why I play a sport.”

“And here I thought that was just the threat of the Mafia,” Aaron sighs.

“ _Jesus_ , Aaron,” Kevin snaps at him.

“It’s only eighty percent the mafia,” Andrew corrects, lifting his coffee cup as Kevin gapes at both of them. Only Neil laughs.

They order Chinese take-out for lunch and watch a marathon of holiday movies that starts in the afternoon.

Andrew and Neil make a show of calling Nicky at the desk around dinner time, where they eat more Chinese and Kevin hears the new about them going public at the same time as their cousin. Nicky is ecstatic, Kevin is skeptical. Aaron cuts his tirade short with a glancing look and Kevin huffs onto the couch next to him while they talk to Nicky.

Both of their flights leave out early Friday morning, so when all four of them crap out early no one complains.

Neil is showering and Kevin is changing when Andrew drops onto the couch next to him. Aaron looks at him, but Andrew mulls his words a bit longer before sternly meeting his gaze.

“If he fucks this up, I’ll kill him,” Andrew announces and Aaron snorts.

“He knows,” Aaron tells him.

Andrew nods, once, but then says, “But if you fuck it up, I may kill you, too.”

Aaron meets his eyes and stops for a second, because they have the same eyes and looking at Andrew sometimes is scarily like looking in the mirror and when he remembers life before this was a reality sometimes it feels wrong and lonely.

But in this moment, Aaron tells his twin, “Good.”

Andrew nods again, and it’s over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @ Arkadavinia


	9. We Grow Foward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Monday he’s tucked into a corner of the library with Madeline when someone clear’s their throat behind his chair. Madeline jumps too and they both swing around with glares ready.  
>  Katelyn’s hands are up in a placating manner in seconds, “Oh god, sorry.” _  
> Katelyn says 'sorry' a thousand times, and moving forward in a relationship will have its Good Times as well as its Bad Times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PSA: I am alive.  
> Though, in other news, quarantine has been rough. Thankfully not due to illness or loss, but really just because of college and because college has taken over the space where I'm usually able to be creative and where I come to destress. So, sorry this is so delayed.  
> The chapter count has been increased to twelve, and will probably stay there.  
> I cannot estimate when the next chapter will be out. I have not started it.
> 
> Also, I saw some great memes about Space X and people making the choice to leave the earth.  
> Some people never watched Mobile Suit Gundam, and it shows.

9.

The week after Thanksgiving starts Finals Hell, where there are two weeks to study and cram and finish formal lab reports and write paper and then have three exams in two days.

And to finalize registration for the next semester. Which is hard, because he’ll start practicum hours, along with classes and he’ll still need to work, regardless of what Kevin says.

He agonizes over his schedule and studying and _this paper_. He talks to Mar when he’s in on Tuesday and she reworks the schedule, and he’s off for nearly two weeks.

Kevin has an away game in the middle of the week to Lincoln, Nebraska, and by the time he gets back on Friday, Aaron is. So tired.

But there’s still another week until it’s over.

And suddenly the group chat is blowing up, because there are only three weeks until the meet up. Aaron tells Kevin when he turns off the notifications and Kevin starts giving him cliff notes every night as they get ready for bed. And every night, Aaron feels like he’s forgetting something.

Monday he’s tucked into a corner of the library with Madeline when someone clear’s their throat behind his chair. Madeline jumps too and they both swing around with glares ready.

Katelyn’s hands are up in a placating manner in seconds, “Oh god, sorry.”

Madeline quickly turns back around with barely a glance between them.

“What do you want,” Aaron snaps, halfway through proofreading this stupid paper still.

She barely shuffles, but Aaron can see how uncomfortable she is in the curl of her lip when she turns to Madeline, “Can we have a moment?”

Madeline, for her part, stares the other woman down before turning to Aaron herself. “You good,” Madeline asks, “Because no offense, but I want nothing to do with this.”

Aaron nods at her and they wait as she quickly gathers her things and heads around the corner. “That was real shitty,” he tells her before Katelyn can open her mouth.

She glares and remains standing. He’s quietly grateful when she takes a moment’s pause before she starts and says, “Sorry I showed up at your work.”

Aaron nods, “Oh yeah, that was real shitty, too.”

Katelyn, for her part at least looks a bit remorseful, “Which is why I’m saying sorry.”

Aaron nods, and saying nothing, more than willing for her to finish picking through her words and to have this conversation over with.

“And,” she begins again, a moment later. Her hands are tucked into the pockets of her coat but her can see her twisting them through the fabric. “I’m sorry I put so much pressure on you to get married.”

Aaron freezes, and he knows his face probably shows exactly how much he had not expected this course of conversation.

Katelyn rolls her eyes and shakes her head quickly, rushing to say, “I know, it probably sounds stupid, but I mean.” She pauses, lips quirking and eyes averting. Her hands twist in the confines of her pockets. “It was just,” she swallows, and finally steps around the chair Madeline had been sitting in, perching on the edge. It’s such a graceful movement that for a long moment it burns in his eyes. And then she continues. “It was _us_ , you know.” And then she laughs, deprecating and short, her eyes latched onto his probably stunned face. “Or well, maybe you didn’t, cause,” she trails off, her head tilting like she’s telling a joke. “It felt like that was the next step to me, and I didn’t get why we couldn’t just,” she stops again, shakes her head and looks at him.

She’s telling a very bad joke, and Aaron is not amused.

Which his face probably shows, because, she says, “Shit,” and her hands finally slip out of her pockets and rub over her face.

Her fingernails are a light pink and they look fresh, so the part of him that knows her knows she has planned this conversation and it’s probably not going how she thought it would.

Then again, she probably didn’t expect him to have moved on.

Or to have moved on with Kevin Day, more than likely.

Aaron knows he should probably say something. He just has no idea what.

Thankfully, Katelyn beats him to it again. “Sorry,” she says again, which is really all she’s said so far, “I just needed to say that.”

Aaron nods, slowly.

“I just,” she starts again, and Aaron finally focuses on her face for a minute. She smiles, just a touch sad and a bit awkward, but it’s more like the face he remembers. “I’m just sorry,” she says finally.

Aaron nods. Trying to smile back, just enough that she’ll know he believes her. “Me too,” he says.

She looks away first this time and sighs, then she adds, “Dan and Allie won’t talk to me.”

Aaron tries to process this, and says, “Still not sure what you think I can do about that.”

She shrugs, says, “I don’t,” then shakes her head and huffs. “No, I’m not asking you do to anything,” she forces out, through her teeth, words frustrated. “I just,” and then she stops again.

And Aaron realizes that, as much as he’s made a few friends, he’s always been okay without someone to talk to. He’s had Bee, or god forbid, Andrew if he really needed someone. But Katelyn’s parents are probably not his biggest fan. And fucking Tammy hates him. Fucking Mason probably hates him more. And, Katelyn doesn’t seem like she’s made any new friends.

Which is probably why he takes a deep breath and says, “How was the semester?”

And Katelyn, for all her sorry’s, snaps her head up and stares at him for a minute.

It’s been nearly nine months, Aaron figures, this is the third time they’ve loosely talked in that time, and maybe she just needs _some_ one to talk to. Because Katelyn nods slowly and says, “It was alright.” And even as stunned as she seems she manages to then ask, “Yours?”

They talk for a few minutes and it could barely pass as a conversation, but by the time she leaves she’s smiling a bit more and Aaron feels like he’s done something good.

That night, Kevin spreads four different promotional contracts across the coffee table and is reading through each of them while Aaron tries to study on the chaise. But it’s been about twenty minutes since Aaron submitted his paper, and he hasn’t looked at his laptop since. Instead he’s watching Kevin read through page after page of legal nonsense that he pays someone else to read first, and all Aaron can really think is that his forearms look good.

Like, in a very gay way, he thinks. Because before his forearms, Aaron was staring at his legs. Which were still stupidly long and his old gym shorts were riding up on his thighs. And Aaron kept thinking about sitting on him. Which was weird, because it was both sexual and domestic.

They’ve spent parts of the last two months sleeping together and being together, and Aaron is nearly proud of how comfortable he feels about them. So he’s very pointedly not overthinking it.

He also wants to stop comparing them, but after talking to her today Aaron can’t help it. Because he had never felt like this with Katelyn. It had been desperate and heady, hiding from Andrew. And yes, he had loved her. But everything had been companionable and adoring. He’d been attracted to her, absolutely. She was beautiful, with clothes on and also without them. Intellectually they had been compatible, both with high goals and work ethic that put college first. Until it hadn’t, but, that was a different issue.

It was just, Aaron couldn’t ever remember being this enamored with her. Not to the point that sitting on the couch made him want to crawl across it just to touch.

“What do you think,” Kevin asks suddenly, flipping back to the beginning of one of the documents without looking up.

Aaron hums quizzically, still trying to pull his thoughts back together.

“Under Armour or Columbia?” Kevin asks like it’s an obvious question and finally turns to where Aaron is sitting. Which is when they both realize that Aaron is semihard, and Kevin’s eyes latch onto the outline of his dick through his sweats. Aaron feels himself grin and Kevin tosses the contract back onto the coffee table, “Or we can talk about something else?”

Aaron sets his laptop onto one of the other contracts and does what he’s been thinking about for the last half hour, and swings a leg over Kevin’s lap, asking, “Talk?”

“You know what I mean,” Kevin grumbles his hand suddenly everywhere, and pulling them together.

And Aaron probably does. Because Kevin pushes his hips up and Aaron rolls his hips down and then both groan into the kiss. Kevin’s mouth moves to his neck, and Aaron fists the back of the couch.

Finals Hell is just over halfway done, but he already feels like it’s been too long. He has another test tomorrow at ten, and then one last one on Thursday that he should be studying for. But.

Kevin’s hands work up the back of his shirt and Aaron presses his hips down again. Kevin sighs against his neck and Aaron leans back enough to pull at the collar of Kevin’s shirt. “Why do you bother wearing shirts,” Aaron grumbles, tugging on it and demanding, “Off.”

Kevin sits forward to oblige him, one arm circling Aaron’s waist as he adjusts to keep him from sliding off Kevin’s knees before pulling it over his head. Then he’s pulling at the hem of Aaron’s as well and grinning says, “S’only fair.”

Aaron rolls his eyes and lets Kevin lift it off, tossing it toward the chaise and leaning forward to catch his mouth- teeth and tongue- along Aaron’s nipple. Aaron bucks, glad for the solid weight of Kevin’s arms back around him. Aaron’s fingers go to Kevin’s back and hair, making a mess of it and egging him on at the same time.

Kevin’s hands slip lower, fingers dipping into the back of his sweats and gripping his cheeks in a way that’s… new. Aaron hears himself mewl and his dick throbs. “Fuck,” he gasps and Kevin switches to the other nipple. Aaron rolls his hips again, this time with his dick pressed against Kevin’s abs, and his head feels fuzzy suddenly. “Fuck,” he says again, because now Kevin’s hands are working down his sweats to below his ass and Aaron throbs again, because this is apparently something he really would like. Aaron tightens his fingers in Kevin’s hair and pulls just hard enough that Kevin looks up at him. Aaron knows he’s grinning when he demands, “Fuck me.”

Kevin’s pupils blow, even as he licks his lips and asks, “You sure?”

Aaron nods and his voice is rough when he says, “Very sure.”

Kevin’s hands stay in his pants but his mouth finds Aaron’s again, his tongue heavy when it meets Aaron’s roughly. There are teeth and then one of Kevin’s hands is in his hair, pulling, while the other grips his ass so hard it nearly hurts but make his dick throb just as much.

And then Kevin spanks him and Aaron jolt back, swearing. Kevin grins up at him and Aaron wants to go back to kissing him. But Kevin shakes his head, still grinning, and says, “Shower.”

Aaron wants to argue, but the idea of what comes after the shower makes him stop. Especially when Kevin shifts under him again, sitting up on the couch, but keeping Aaron against him with one arm around his waist, while his other hand slips between then and fists Aaron’s dick with a teasing grip that makes him squirm and lean back in for a quick meeting of their lips. Kevin is still grinning when he pushes him again, forcing Aaron to stand and then standing with him.

“Together,” Aaron asks, and Kevin’s grin widens.

“Yep.”

He’d be lying if he didn’t admit they race to the shower. Kevin loses, because he still had his socks on, but by the time the water is warm, Aaron is pinned against the sink and Kevin has both of their dicks in his hand. Kevin kisses, licks and bites at his clavicle and Aaron groans into his hair, but Kevin’s hand stops before the fire in his gut gets too hot.

Aaron is aware of the idea of edging and he’s a bit worried this is going to be something like that.

Which is also confirmed when Kevin pushed him into the shower and passes Aaron the shampoo like that’s something he’s interested in. Kevin takes the bar of soap in his own hands, but then he’s pressing them to Aaron’s back and down his sides. Aaron sighs when his hands finally separate his cheeks and give him a perfunctory washing. Then he obligingly washes his hair, and then Kevin’s, when Kevin sinks to his knees and takes Aaron into his mouth.

He’s stupidly glad Kevin choose the apartment with the larger master bathroom with the adjustable shower head.

Kevin rinses his hair, and Aaron laughs at how annoyed he looks about it when Aaron tries to stroke his dick. Kevin swats his hand away and then presses back against him. “Leave it,” he says, and Aaron rolls his eyes.

“You’re going to drag this out, aren’t you,” he asks, and Kevin grins at him.

“Oh, absolutely,” Kevin says sinking to his knees again and Aaron nearly sighs.

But then Kevin’s lips are around his head again and Aaron groans instead, head leaning back against the shower wall.

Kevin hums around him and then coaxes Aaron’s left leg up around his shoulder. Aaron’s dick throbs, even where it’s laying on Kevin’s tongue when Kevin brushes a finger down his crack. It’s wet, but not lubed and it pulls against his skin as it rubs against the circle of muscle of his ass.

Somehow it feels completely different when it’s someone else’s hand, and thankfully nowhere near as awkward as he’d imagined when that someone is Kevin. He presses in, the tip of his finger still not breaching and Aaron’s breath hitches when he gives a particularly through swallow, while his other hand massages against his balls at the same time.

“Jesus,” Aaron gasps and Kevin, fucking Kevin, pulls off his dick with a smile, “Of course you stop.” Kevin is still grinning, and their eyes are pinned when his fingertip presses in again, just short of slipping passes the ring of muscle and Aaron makes himself relax as he pushes down against it. Kevin’s other hand slips forward and wraps around him, lazily stroking him with Kevin’s saliva alone.

Kevin’s green eyes are slivers around his blown black pupils and Aaron groans again, as the tip of his finger finally edges in. It’s a pull and a tug, but it doesn’t hurt, and Aaron pushes back against it more. Kevin’s head ducks again, slipping Aaron’s dick passes his lips while his hand keeps stroking slowly, all the while their eyes remaining locked. “You’re going to kill me,” Aaron tells him and Kevin grins somehow. The finger edges in a bit further, and Kevin gives a slow bob of his head down Aaron’s length, before pulling back, removing his finger and moving Aaron’s leg again.

“Bed,” Kevin demands, hand slapping against Aaron’s naked ass again. Aaron jumps again and glares down at him.

“Is that a going to be a thing now,” Aaron asks, not sure if he’s excited or embarrassed about it.

Kevin grins though, and Aaron’s dick twitches when he says, “I can only hope.”

They dry off with quick, nearly unsuccessful swipes, and Kevin grabs the lube out of the dresser before following Aaron onto the bed.

Finally, there’s a little butterfly of nervous energy in his stomach, as Kevin crawls up him, and their lips seal together. Kevin makes everything so easy, Aaron thinks, because they kiss, long and languid, until there are barely any nerves left in his body.

Kevin’s free hand stroking over his side and Aaron grapples with his hair, his other hand finally being allowed to reach between then and stroke over the warm flesh of Kevin’s dick. It is a really nice dick, Aaron thinks, shoving against Kevin’s shoulder until he sits back and give Aaron room to turn around and get his mouth on it. Kevin groans, his hand instantly tangled in Aaron’s wet hair.

The cap of the lube pops open before Kevin asks, voice rough and deep, “You okay.”

“Go for it,” Aaron tells him, pulling off just long enough to say the words and then licking down the length of him again. Kevin’s hand leaves his hair but then he tilts, leaning down along the bed and forcing Aaron onto his side.

“Work with me here,” Kevin laughs and Aaron hums around his dick just enough to communicate ‘no’. Kevin laughs again but then he manhandles Aaron onto his side anyway. “Don’t get too suck happy down there, I don’t want to come yet.”

Aaron moans, without meaning to, and Kevin laughs.

But when a slick finger pressed against him again, Aaron pulls off, letting his legs spread enough that Kevin can breach him with a fingertip easily. It’s easier with the lube and that he’d already done this, and Aaron groans against the feeling.

“Okay,” Kevin asks, glancing from Aaron’s face to his ass in rapid succession.

“Yes,” Aaron chokes out, tucking his head against Kevin’s thigh now, “Keep going.”

Kevin does, the next knuckle of his finger working in and then out again, before pressing further in. Aaron focuses on deep breathing and keeping his body relaxed. It doesn’t hurt though, and Kevin works the one finger for long enough that Aaron goes back to wet licks to the member in front of his face instead, pulling Kevin’s dick into his mouth and sucking enough that Kevin’s finger rocks forward with a bit more dedication.

Aaron nearly jerks out of the bed though, when Kevin tips his head forward and nips at the sensitive skin of his perineum, but when he does it again, Aaron moans and Kevin slips the rest of his finger inside. Aaron sucks a bit more viciously at his dick and Kevin groans against his skin, his finger twisting as he says, “I can’t wait to be inside you.”

Aaron nearly laughs, gasping out, “Fucking sap.”

Kevin shakes his head, pulling out just enough to push back in, “Not sure how that’s sappy, but okay.” He groans as he pushed his finger back in, twisting again. And then Aaron lurches again, body lighting up, when Kevin slides over his prostate with several rapid tugs of his finger. “You’ll like it I’m sure,” Kevin add, and Aaron gasps as he finally lets up on the assault.

It takes a solid few seconds, where Kevin begins to work in a second finger before Aaron realizes he had been avoiding the prostate on purpose.

Aaron was suddenly very sure he was going to love this.

Kevin works the second finger in faster, also taking Aaron’s dick into his mouth and once again avoiding his prostate.

But Kevin was also making sure the keep Aaron a decent span away from his orgasm. Which was highly annoying, and a bit intoxicating as well.

When Kevin started a third finger, Aaron was about to bite his dick off.

“Okay,” Aaron finally snaps, pushing against Kevin’s hip and tilting away, “That’s enough.” Kevin grumbles at him now, fingers pulling back from where they were in Aaron’s ass. “Time for fucking,” Aaron tells him and Kevin pout, “You should be happy about this. Why are you pouting?”

“Don’t tell me how to enjoy sex,” Kevin snaps at him, and Aaron laugh.

“You’re an idiot,” he says, “Please fuck me now.”

And then Kevin is grinning, stupid abs flexing and his dick throbs. Aaron nearly rolls his eyes, but Kevin asks, “How would you like that?”

And all Aaron can think about is sitting on his thighs.

“You against the pillows,” Aaron directs him and Kevin scoots along the bed to put the pillows behind him before motioning Aaron toward him. Aaron stops next to him and takes the bottle of lube off the nightstand and drops a dollop in his hand before working it over Kevin’s hot member. Kevin watches him with dark eyes until Aaron assumes he thinks it’s sufficiently covered.

“Come here,” Kevin tells him and helps Aaron climb onto him. Kevin’s wet dick presses against his back when Aaron leans forward to kiss him.

More than when Aaron had been sucking particularly viciously on his dick, Kevin groans, his nonsticky hand carding into Aaron’s hair. Their lips work together with hard presses and slick tongues as Aaron tilts his hips and Kevin hold the base of his dick at the right angle for Aaron to press back. With all the work Kevin had already done, the his head of his member slips passed the ring of muscles easily making both of them gasp.

Aaron hisses, but it barely burns. Kevin cants his hips quickly, his sticky hand pushing against Aaron’s hip and directing him as he slides back. Kevin’s dick nudges against his prostate with the first glide and Kevin grins as he mewls.

“Fuck,” Aaron gasps and Kevin’s knees spread behind him. But he doesn’t move yet, as Aaron leans back, rocking the entire length of Kevin into himself, until he can feel it in his throat. And it feels full with just the edge of a stretch.

And it feels fucking perfect.

Aaron rocks up just enough that Kevin looks like he’s about to lose it and then sinks back down, with just enough assistance that he knows Kevin knows exactly what he’s doing. But Aaron isn’t a completely novice at sex, so he’s lifts his hips up, and slides back down, slowly working into a rhythm that makes Kevin groan and Aaron knows he’s making noises.

But Kevin’s looking at him like he’s a god and there is no way Aaron can look away.

But Aaron also knows himself and he’s not ready for this to end, so he makes himself say, “I’m not gonna last.”

Kevin grins, his hand leaving his hip to wrap around Aaron dick for only a few tugs before he sits forward, making Aaron lean back into his knees and Kevin kisses him breathless. “You’re fucking perfect,” Kevin gasps into his mouth and then wraps an arm around his waist, leaning him back and repositioning them.

Aaron lands on his back, the comforter pooled around his head and Kevin on his knees in front of him. “How does ‘I’m not gonna last’ translate into ‘suck my dick’, Kevin,” Aaron snaps at him. But Kevin seals his lips over Aaron’s member and bobs his head quickly, making Aaron mewl, his hand gripping Kevin’s hair possibly too tightly. “Kevin,” Aaron growls after a minute, but it comes out more than half breathless, “Kevin, get back inside me before I get angry please.”

Kevin pulls off with a pop and grins up at him, leaning forward again to kiss him. His mouth tastes like Aaron’s dick and soap and it’s probably the best thing in the world. Kevin lifts his legs against his forearms and presses his dick back inside. This time, he hits Aaron’s prostate head on, and doesn’t stop, pulling back in a fluid motion that makes Aaron gasp and then mewl.

It only takes a moment, but there’s a blinding second where Aaron goes from aroused to coming and it happens. His dick throbs, come splashing over his stomach and Kevin grins down at him, leaning forward and stealing what little breath he feels like he can take in.

“Hold on,” Kevin whispers against his lips, “Hold on. I got you. I’m almost there.” He keeps whispering, and Aaron clutches onto his shoulder and his hair and feels like the world is coming apart. But then Kevin’s hips stutter, and his words become a gasp and Aaron feels it when he comes. He can feel Kevin’s dick throb as he comes, from inside his body.

“Oh, that’s weird,” Aaron sighs and Kevin laughs, his dick twitching again, from inside Aaron’s body.

“I love you so fucking much,” Kevin laughs and Aaron meets his eyes again, not sure when his had slipped closed. Aaron squeezes him, tightening his muscles and Kevin throbs again, his breath stuttering, before he leans down again and they kiss through the remains of their high, until Kevin pulls out and falls to the side, their limbs still entangled.

“We’re gonna need another shower,” Aaron realizes and Kevin huffs.

“Gimme a minute,” he sighs, still breathing hard. Aaron lifts the hand that’s still on his chest to his lips and kisses his knuckles.

“I gotchu,” Aaron says against his skin.

By the end of Thursday, Aaron is burnt.

But Finals Hell is over, and he’s planning on hibernating the rest of the day, and then the following day.

But when he walks in the front door, the room is dark. He closes the door behind himself but stops at the edge of the kitchen because Kevin is sitting at the island with a little white frosted cake in front of him with a little candle sticking out of it. The tiny flame lights his face just barely, with a warm glow that makes Aaron wants to punch the grin off his face.

“What are you doing,” he snaps instead and Kevin grins wider.

“Embarrassing you as best I can,” Kevin tells him, voice soft and still grinning.

Aaron equally hates him and loves him and would probably still punch him for a moment.

“Happy end of finals week,” Kevin tells him instead and nods to the tiny cake. “Blow your candle out.”

“I think that’s only for birthday’s,” Aaron tells him, and Kevin rolls his eyes.

“Blow out the damn candle and come here,” Kevin demands.

But there’s not heat in his voice, just affection and amusement.

Friday, he manages to stay awake for the duration of Kevin slipping out of bed, showering and eating before he leaves. But he falls back asleep and doesn’t wake up until 1. There’s sunlight peeking just barely through the crack in the blinds, and it’s the longest he’s taken to wake up since the spring, he thinks.

For a moment, he can’t wait to graduate and be done with school.

But then reality creeps in right behind it, and before that he realizes Kevin will be in Nashville come the beginning of next year, training for Court and the Olympics.

It’s probably going to be rough, he thinks. Dating for such a short amount of time, and now they’re going to be separated by four states. He takes a deep sigh, eyes tracking over the sunlight against the stucco ceiling.

It’ll be rough, he thinks again, a but there’s this solid, sure feeling in his chest even as he thinks it.

It’ll be rough, but we’ll manage.

With a softer, content sigh, Aaron drags himself out of bed and into the shower. After the shower, he pulls on a comfy pair of sweatpants, and wonders into the kitchen. For the first time in weeks, he checks his social media while heating some toast in the toaster.

There’s a friend request on Facebook marked fifteen hours ago, from Katelyn. Her profile picture is different than the last time he’d looked, months ago. It’s not a colorful picture of her sitting by the pond near the north side of campus. She’s smiling at the camera and with a textbook open on her lap.

It’s so weird, he thinks, how he feels nothing at all looking at it. He’s glad she’s happy, but it’s not even bittersweet after talking to her the other day.

He leaves the request unanswered and snacks on the toast while looking over his other notifications. He moves to the couch and lays against the peacock pillow while updating himself as much as possible on the things he’s missed in the world of social media. It takes less than ten minutes to remember why he didn’t care in the first place, and flips to the app to a soduku.

It feels like only a few minutes later when the front door jingles open, and Kevin yawns his way back into the apartment.

The plate from his toast is still on his chest and Kevin lifts and eyebrow at it, when Aaron looks up at him, smirking teasingly.

“Katelyn sent me a friend request on Facebook,” Aaron tells him.

Kevin’s smirk falls and his eyebrows pinch, “Oh?” Kevin turns toward the bedroom, but Aaron sighs at him before he gets too far.

“Yes,” Aaron says, “I didn’t respond yet.”

With a sigh of his own, Kevin drops his duffle by the bedroom door and turns back around. His hands plant on his hips and Aaron knows this is going to be A Conversation.

“She doesn’t have any decent friends,” Aaron tells him.

“And that’s your problem,” Kevin returns.

Aaron physically forces himself to not sigh. He sits up, moving the plate from his chest to the coffee table and taking Kevin’s rapidly evolving glare full force. “It’s got very little to do with me, I know,” Aaron reasons, “She showed up at the library Monday when Madeline and I were studying though, and.” Now he does sigh, because he’s not sure which direction this next statement is going to send Kevin off in. “She apologized,” Aaron states simply.

There’s a long pause though, and they stare each other down across the room. “Apologized,” Kevin asks after another moment, but its blunt and Aaron is trying to figure out where his head is going.

“Yeah,” he answers.

“Apologized for, which part, specifically?” Kevin elaborates.

“Showing up at Mar’s before Thanksgiving, and for being a controlling prick I guess,” Aaron answers this time, not sure how to phrase it, “For the break-up.” Kevin’s eyebrows pitch up for a second and then he nods quickly, eyes falling to the floor. Aaron watches his breathing pick up and has to say, “Use your words, please.”

“What exactly are you wanting me to say,” Kevin snaps back.

“Words that may express your emotional state would be a start,” Aaron tries to joke.

“Fuck you,” Kevin snaps again, and then turns into the bedroom before Aaron can react.

Aaron takes a deep breath to calm his own nerves before he stands and follows, but Kevin has already retreated into the bathroom. Aaron sinks onto the corner of the bed and waits.

He makes it two minutes before calling, “Kevin, please come out of the bathroom.”

What sounds like the toilet lid slams, and Aaron sighs again.

Another minute passes and Aaron’s thoughts begin to wonder, mostly wondering over what Kevin could be thinking, and he runs a hand though his hair.

After only another moment he calls again, “Kevin Day, open the door.”

“It doesn’t even lock,” Kevin snaps back, the door still closed.

Aaron rolls his eyes, “You know that’s not the point.”

It’s a gust of wind when Kevin finally flings the door open, “What, Aaron? What you do want?”

Aaron doesn’t say anything for a minute, just watching Kevin fume. His cheeks are red though, and he took off his shirt at some point. The stupid queen on his cheek pops against his skin. When he doesn’t say anything Kevin’s breathing slows a bit, and Aaron finally says, “I love you, but if you don’t talk to me, I have no idea what’s going on in your head. I’m not a mind reader.”

Kevin deflates and Aaron wants to throw something at him. Kevin cuts him off before he can say anything though, “I know I said I was working on this, but I wasn’t expecting this conversation.”

“I’m not just going to _not tell_ you,” Aaron sighs.

Kevin shakes his head, “And I don’t want you to not tell me. I _want_ you to tell me.”

“Good,” Aaron says.

Kevin stops again, hand still on the bathroom door knob, before he sighs and leans his head against it. “What did she say,” He asks, voice soft and eyes closing.

Aaron waits another moment, and then says, “She’s just sorry, apparently. Like all she said was ‘sorry’. It was weird.” Kevin nods, shrugging as if to say, ‘well, naturally’. “But,” Aaron adds, “That wasn’t my point.”

Kevin tuns his head to look at him finally, one green eye slipping open.

“I don’t think she’s doing well,” Aaron finally tells him. Aaron lets him digest this for a second, but when Kevin doesn’t ask anything else, Aaron continues. “Dan and Allison haven’t been talking to, and I feel like that may be because of me.”

“Doesn’t make it your job to fix it,” Kevin says suddenly, “They’re allowed to have their opinions too.”

“I don’t disagree,” Aaron tells him, but then shakes his head, “But I don’t know. I just feel like, if they gave her a chance,” he stops and sighs, “a chance to apologize to them, too.”

Kevin sighs, still leaning against the bathroom door.

Aaron watches him and the reaches for him, “Will you come here?”

Kevin looks back at him for a moment and then slowly makes his way across the room, not stopping at the edge of the bed as intended, but bodily pushing Aaron back along the comforter and sprawling across him. Aaron finally laughs, turning his face into Kevin’s neck, and wrapping himself around Kevin’s taller frame. Kevin finally relaxes and Aaron feels him exhale heavily.

“I love you,” Kevin says into his hair, “But maybe work on your conversational build up’s.”

Aaron snorts, “Take all the drama out of it why don’t you.”

“Yes,” Kevin says, sternly and almost too loud to be right next to Aaron’s ear, “Take all of the drama away, so I can stop having heart attacks.”

“Do you even know how to function with a dramatic hook,” Aaron ponders.

Kevin sighs against his ear now and says, “You’re not allowed to be Facebook friends with her until you change your relationship status.”

“’It’s complicated’,” Aaron asks, and instantly Kevin’s fingers find his ribs where he’s ticklish and Aaron jolts. “Jesus, it was a joke.”

“You’re not funny,” Kevin tells him anyway.

Aaron pulls his phone out of his pocket and rolls his eyes, “I’m hilarious. It’s the only reason you’re with me.”

“Given your shitty attitude, that would make sense,” Kevin snorts, one big hand come up to run through Aaron’s hair, even as his breaths deepen.

“How do you even change relationship status,” Aaron asks, clicking around on the app and Kevin chuckles.

“Haven’t you ever done it,” he yawns.

“God no,” Aaron tells him, “Nicky always would do it for me.”

“He’s in Germany,” Kevin questions.

“Yeah, but he has my log in,” Aaron tells him.

“He’s not doing it this time,” Kevin says, mumbling nearly, obviously falling asleep.

“Yeah, no,” Aaron agrees, “We can have the conversation some other time.”

Kevin hums as Aaron finally finds the right menu to change the status.

“What’s out anniversary,” Aaron asks and Kevin snorts.

“When did I play Colorado?”

“That is not how were remembering this,” Aaron insists, but Kevin laughs sleepily next to his ear again and maybe it will be. He puts in the date and clicks confirm. When the screen reloads he stares at it for a while, before clicking into his recent notifications and accepting Katelyn's request.

They doze and when Aaron wakes again, the sun is a bright red out the window.

There are also three missed calls from Nicky, as well as a three minute long voicemail.

The group chat has twenty three unread notifications.

Aaron ignores both.

Once again, he pulls up social media, and this time when he scrolls across Katelyn's page, there are more details. He remembers numerous conversations where she had told him that she should have more of his profile blocked from random strangers. Nicky assured him eventually that no one could see anything about him, and Aaron hadn’t thought about it between then and now. But nearly her entire profile must have been blocked, because this time when he looks it’s a long row of tagged pictures and blank spaces.

Her once active social media life seems to have ceased sometime in the last six months, Aaron realizes.

His phone rings again, Nicky’s name popping up. Aaron sighs and sends him to voicemail.

The rest of his social media seems unimpacted by his update. Neil liked his relationship status four hours ago, which would have been right after he changed it. A few other people he’s picked up from classes as well, but no names stand out.

He scrolls through his feed for another minute before his phone rings again. This time ‘Dan Wilds’ pops up. Aaron stares at his phone for a moment then glances to where Kevin is curled up facing him and sighs. The call ends before he can shuffle out of the bed and make it to the living room, but Aaron taps her name to call her back as he flops back on the couch.

“Oh, hi Minyard,” She says, sounding honesty more puzzled than she deserves to, since she called him.

“You called,” Aaron reminds her.

Dan huffs a short laugh, “You didn’t answer.”

“I was napping,” Aaron tells her.

“Oh yeah,” Dan says, voice brighter already, “How did finals go?”

Aaron thinks she’s make a great mother some day, as he rolls his eyes. “It was finals,” He tells her though, “I survived.”

Dan scoffs now and there is still something bright to her voice when she says, “Glad to know you haven’t changed, Minyard.”

And Aaron pauses, because he feels like this is a prompted call, not that she was calling to check up on him. She called because of the status change. She probably already saw that he and Katelyn were friends again. He feels something argumentative brew on his tongue, and tries to not snap when he replies, “No, things change.”

Dan doesn’t answer for a moment and Aaron wonders if he’s imaging how loaded the silence across the line feels without seeing her face.

Finally Dan asks, “So you didn’t get back together.”

“No,” Aaron snaps now.

And Dan Wilds, being Dan Wilds, sighs a relieved breath.

“Why did you stop talking to her though,” Aaron asks anyway.

Now she huffs another laugh, “The shit she was saying, man.”

Aaron feels himself frown, but lets her continue.

“I mean, I know the break up was rough on her, don’t get me wrong. But it was too hard to listen to her say some of what she was saying,” Dan elaborates vaguely.

“About,” Aaron asks, and its more demanding than he wants it to be.

“You,” Dan tells him immediately. “Women are vicious,” she says, “I know we are. I strive to be, sometimes. But.” Now when she sighs, Dan sounds somewhere near defeated. “I couldn’t stand hearing her put all of it back on you, when she wouldn’t listen to what we were saying.”

“Stop being vague,” Aaron demands.

Dan pauses, and Aaron remembers how she used to chew her lips when she was studying on the couch in the dorm room her senior year. How she’s run the nail of her pointer finger across the side of her thumb until he was sure it would leave an impression. It was what he would fixate on sometimes when he’d had enough of studying himself.

“She blamed you,” Dan tells him, softly, like she sorry, “It didn’t matter what I said. She blamed you for the break up. Like not being ready for a commitment was selfish of you. She blamed you. And she pitied herself, sure. But I have never heard her so,” she pauses again, taking a deep breath over the line. “So angry.”

This time the silence is thin and Aaron isn’t sure what to say to keep it from snapping.

“I’m sorry,” Dan whispers, “I didn’t want to put this back on you. I mean, hell, I’m on your side with all this.”

“You don’t have to take a side,” Aaron tells her.

“I know,” Dan insists, “But, man. She wouldn’t hear anything I said, so. I guess I stopped talking.” Aaron sighs. “She stopped calling after a while. Until a few messages a few weeks ago. They were long and she seemed in a better place I guess. But, I don’t know. I really thought she might turn into a stalker there for a while, if someone didn’t stop her.”

“Who stopped her,” Aaron asks.

“Allison, I think,” Dan tells him, “They had a big argument sometime in July, I think.”

Aaron frowns, “She didn’t say anything to me.”

Dan grumbles, “I don’t think it was really about you. I think it was just about the way she was behaving in general. They were closer than she and I were.”

Aaron sighs again when Dan falls silent this time. He knows what she’s waiting for but doesn’t want to give her the satisfaction of just telling her.

It only takes a few moment before she grumbles again and asks, “You’re going to make me ask aren’t you?”

“Yep,” Aaron answer her, making sure the ‘p’ pops.

Dan sighs, and it sounds so close to fond Aaron rolls his eyes again. “Are you actually seeing someone?”

“Wow,” Aaron replies, “Doubtful much.”

“Changing your status and then friending your ex is totally a tactic, don’t kid yourself, Minyard,” Dan laughs.

“She friended me, thank you,” Aaron snaps.

“Not the point,” Dan insists.

“Jesus, yes, I’m with some one- who is not Katelyn. Thank you very much, you judgey jerk,” Aaron tells her, and halfway through Dan is laughing.

“Are you going to tell me her name,” Dan asks, sounding happier than she has the entire conversation.

Aaron smirks, “Kevin Day.”

Dan doesn’t say anything for a second and then she snorts out a laugh, “Are you kidding me?”

“Nope,” Aaron tells her, grinning and popping the ‘p’ again.

“Holy shit,” Dan says and the silence that follows it is full of something. Probably the million questions she wants to ask, but then she laughs. “I’m not even sure we have a bet on for that.”

Aaron finally laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @ Arkadavinia  
> Updates on writing and poor life choices are posted sometimes, if that something you would like access to.


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